You're not sure if you're ready to take this <<replace>>next step<<becomes>>leap off of the moutain top<<endreplace>>. You backpedal to get out of it.\n\n"Oh, shoot, I remembered that Gwen offered me a place to stay."\n\n"Who's Gwen?"\n\n"She's got a twin brother. She's the Gwen who used to work at IBM. You know, Gwen Gwen, the greatest Gwen who ever Gwened." You down the rest of your latte.\n\nGwen's about as real as Jill.\n\n"Oh, okay. Do you need a ride to her place? I drove my car here."\n\n"Nope, I've got it! I'm taking the bus." You check your Mackie Moose watch. "Look at the time! I've got to get to Gwen's. She's having a chips and dip party. Bye, Sarai! Nice seeing you."\n\nYou [[hurry]] out the door.

You run away. You hurry down stairs before they notice. It's like you're running on air. Your dress feels o good against your legs as you run. Alright! You're back on the dance floor, and you're bouncing up and down.<<set $ranaway = true>>\n\nYou grab onto someone random and spin around with him. He's so nice. He joins right in. Spinning messes up your clothes. The "someone" takes you by the hand and twirls you some more. You're a ballerina.\n\nYou don't think you're spinning anymore, but the room still is. That's okay, though. That's all cool with you. Everything's cool with you. You've got this boundless energy wrapped up inside of you that's waiting to burst out.\n\nYou scream the lyrics to your first single. You want to get these people dancing! They're moving, yeah, but they need to DANCE. Your dance instructor would have a field day with all of these rhythmless souls. They need help. You've got to help them.\n\n[[SoMeOnE gRaBs YoU bY tHe WaIsT]]

"Does that extend to the rest of us?" Taya asks.\n\n"It could help Sarai if we do this in solidarity. We have to get rid of all her temptations," Nayeli says.\n\n"I don't want you guys to stop having fun on my account..." Sarai says. "I'll do better. I'll do anything."\n\n"Anything?" Taya perks up at that. "Will you drop all of your rules?"\n\n"I can't do that."\n\n"I might [[have to walk]], then." Taya clicks her teeth.

"Maybe you should become a movie commercial, too," Sarai says. "It'd help with your Picard Chart."\n\n"Pickford. It's Pickford, not Picard."\n\n"Sorry, mixed it up with a name of a client. Work's scrambling my brain." She sighs.\n\n"Things at work are going okay, right?" You interweave your fingers with hers, your hands resting together on the arm rest. "Nothing too stressful?" You haven't been checking in as much as you should be. Your work's consumed you.\n\nYou see dance steps whenever you close your eyes. You can't listen to music without it clashing with the music that's already in your head. Whenever you see someone with headphones in their ears, you wonder if somehow, some way they're listening to your single and liking it.\n\nYou can't stay as a no-name performer. You refuse to die in obscurity. You're going to keep climbing those charts, no matter how much [[it may hurt]] getting there.

"This is what I need to become #1. I don't want to be 75 forever." You slide to the floor. The carpet's soft. You rub your hands all over it.\n\n"No, you're a 10! A 12!" Taya yells at you. "You're not a 1."\n\nNayeli covers her face. "It's going to be hours until Sarai gets off from work. Why the fuck did she have to do overtime today of all days?"\n\n"Jerri caught up fast. Cool." Taya joins you on the carpet.\n\n"What possessed you to think this was a good idea?" Nayeli crouches near Taya. She holds her head to help her drink water. "Fucking open your mouth or I'm going to spill this all over you."\n\n"You look like a baby!" Baby Taya with a Mommy Nayeli. This is [[gold]].

The bed's a tight fit, but it's all the better for it.\n\nYou don't want to be <<if $openmic>>[[anywhere else|mikael]]<<else>>[[anywhere else|nextscene]]<<endif>> in the world.

"I only debuted last month, but I'm already 93. Shannon tells me that's pretty good." Ashley Evans says once her phone's back in her hand. "I'm sure once you debut, you'll get way high up on the charts, even better than Cameo! She's one of ST Music's leading ladies, but we've got so many more people, like you, me, and all of the other Estrella Girls. We've got this."\n\nAshley Evans pulls up her Twitter page. "Ooh, looks like someone was a jerk to her this morning. She posted all about it. Someone knocked into her at that plaza that's near here."\n\n"Wait a second, can you show me Cameo's picture real quick?" Something dawns on you. "Let me see her face... Yeah, that jerk was me. I ran into her by accident."\n\n"Good thing she doesn't know your name or else you'd be in trouble," Ashley Evans laughs. "Looks like you've made yourself [[a new friend]]."

You suppose she's right. You don't want to waste your $12 ticket kicking up a fuss about nothing. Taya and Nayeli finally come back with the food. They pass the large tub of popcorn down to you and Sarai. You cringe at how much butter they drenched it in.\n\nTaya sits on your right, making you in the middle between her and Sarai. Nayeli sits next to Taya. She taps something into her phone to pass the time until the movie starts. Taya jams her icee into your right arm rest, the one that's supposed to be yours. She leans over.\n\n"Did you miss us?" Taya's icee has already turned her tongue blue.\n\n"You were gone for, like, a minute."\n\n"A minute can feel like an eternity." Her voice gets soft. The way she's looking at you...you wonder if she's about to kiss you. <<if $kiss_3>>You're about to meet her halfway when someone cracks up, interrupting you.<<else>>Maybe it's okay to kiss her here without anyone noticing. If you do it fast, no one will know. You're about to meet her halfway when someone cracks up, interrupting you.<<endif>>\n\nIt's Nayeli. "Really, Jerri, [[you fell for that]]?"

"Who're they setting you up with?" Nayeli tries her best to look like she doesn't care, but she fails miserably.\n\n"Maybe a cool gay actress," Sarai suggests. "They should pair you up with the one that did that teen pregnancy movie."\n\n"They're not setting me up with anyone. I'm with Taya." Saying that is enough to flip a switch in Nayeli and Sarai. Their body language changes. Nayeli's posture gets worse. Sarai tightly clasps her hands together.\n\nNayeli glares at you. "That's bullshit."\n\n"They won't let you be poly?" Sarai asks.\n\n"Gay's enough for them." You don't tell her that you [[didn't even mention it]].

After finishing up with the rest of your day, you go straight home. You manage to avoid running into any more rival pop stars, and your bus doesn't get stuck anywhere, so you figure you're in for a night that's better than your morning.<<if $starry eq "yes">><<set $starry = true>><<endif>><<if $backpain eq "yes">><<set $backpain = true>><<endif>>\n\nThe apartment's empty. You're not sure what to do with all of this silence. That might have been what drew you to music.\n\nSarai and Nayeli's bedroom door is open.\n\n<<if $route_a>>It feels like Nayeli's guitar is calling out to you. It looks lonely. Would she mind if you played it? Some people can get touchy about their instruments. Others couldn't care less. You're not sure where Nayeli falls along the spectrum.<<endif>><<if $starry>> But haven't some of your boundaries been lowered? Playing a guitar shouldn't be <html><i>that</i></html> big of a deal.<<endif>><<if $route_b>>You peek inside. Well, more like you stick your head all the way inside and start looking around. You see an acoustic guitar and an empty keyboard stand. Their computer desk is full of an assortment of books and playing cards. Some of them look burnt. You're afraid to ask how that happened. You'd rather not see a demonstration.\n\nA dusty bag sits in the corner. A stethoscope and a strange-looking pair of scissors sticks out of it. Your eyes go back over to the guitar. It's got to be Nayeli's. Would she mind if you played it?<<endif>>\n\n* [[Play][$played_guitar = true]].\n* [[Leave it alone]].

You sit on the couch, clutching a pillow in your lap. You're watching Jerri the pop star on TV. She's promoting her CD that's coming up. You mouth her words as she says them. The interviewer asks Jerri what it's like to be a role model for so many LGBTQA youth.\n\n"LGBTQA, that's a mouthful! How many more letters do you need?" The interviewer guffaws. You're happy that Jerri doesn't let her disgust show on her face.\n\n"The queer spectrum is wide and diverse. People are free to have their own identities." Jerri answers. "As for your other question, while I'm happy that so many people consider me to be a role model, I'm honestly just myself." She goes on to say something about inspiring hope, and wanting to be that person she always wanted to see in the media when she was growing up.\n\nShannon made you memorize that speech front and back. You've given that [[same answer]] a million times before.

"Can you please come back to the apartment? It's cold outside and I don't have any money to pay for a place for us to stay." You think about your other options. "Shannon said I can't ever stay at her place again. Um, maybe we can try Ashley Evans' place? It's dicey on short notice, so we can't bank on that. The best thing for us is to go back, but if you don't want to we can walk around all night until the library opens. I've done that before."\n\n"We? You won't go back alone?"\n\n"You're my girlfriend. I'm not going back if you're not too." You hug her. As you let go, Nayeli pulls you back in and squeezes you tighter. She whispers thank you into your ear. "Sarai and Taya would do the same thing. We don't want you out in the streets. Come back. Stick around until tomorrow morning, then decide if you want to break up with us or not."\n\n"I don't want to."\n\nYou stand up and [[hold out your hand]] to help her up. "We should go home, then. C'mon, Nayeli."

Do they applaud you for your talent and skill?\n\nOr is it because you're representative of something they want to see so badly in the media that they'll accept you no matter how much you suck in reality?\n\nYou want to be on the same playing field as everyone else on the Pickford Chart.\n\nYou don't want to be a singer known solely for being gay and bouncing around on stage in a rainbow cape. Strip away your gayness, and how good are you? How special's your voice or the things you want to say?\n\nYou want to be known and respected for your voice, not for all of the things around it.\n\nYour voice...\n\nHow much does your voice really matter? You're a mouthpiece in a pretty package, designed to make Estrella Entertainment look good for years to come. They beat every other media company to the punch. Soon enough, they'll come up with gay idols of their own to [[compete against you]].

"I picked you because you seemed like you'd enjoy it the most." And she's the best one on paper. If there were girlfriend superlatives, she'd be voted most likely to succeed. She's golden. She shines even when she's dressed "scuzzy" in her own words.\n\nSmart. A go-getter. Unafraid. Has money. Has a future laid out ahead of her.\n\n"And, honestly, I think you could handle this better than Sarai and Nayeli can," you admit.\n\n"You've got that right." Taya smiles. "Have you told them yet?"\n\n"I'll do it tonight."\n\n"I'll go with you in case things get weird. I don't want them to take anything the wrong way."\n\n"[[Thank you|hometime]]."

"I can't do it. I'm sorry," you say.<<set $openmic_no = true>>\n\n"That's okay." She turns her head away so you [[can't see her]] disappointment. You don't have to. You can feel it.

"Now... If Sarai's okay with it."\n\n"Yeah, just try not to be too loud," Sarai says. She gathers a pillow and a blanket for the couch.\n\n"I'm good at being quiet." Nayeli replies.\n\n"You're not the loud one."\n\n"I'm not that loud." You feel like you have to defend yourself.\n\nSarai laughs on her way out of the bedroom. It's only you and Nayeli around. Oh, and the tension. It's weird how cool with everything Sarai is. Is it genuine or an act?\n\n"I don't think I'd be able to sleep [[if I was]] Sarai," you say.

Nayeli laughs bitterly. "What if I don't like anything besides sex and music?"\n\n"Then you might as well embrace it or else you'll sped the rest of your time on this Earth miserable and [[hating yourself]]."

"Nope, my bosses love their work too much to do that." Sarai pulls at the sleeves of her blazer. The only thing she's wearing that isn't black is her blouse, a royal purple color. Something about being with her when she's dressed professionally makes you feel powerful by association, even when you're in old jeans and even older sneakers. "How's Jill doing?"\n\nThere's no Jill at Jill's Sandwiches. The owner thought a woman's name would make the sandwich place seem more friendly. Even so, that doesn't stop you and Sarai from inventing stories about this made-up Jill woman.\n\n"Well, someone offered to do a biopic on her life, but changed their mind at the last minute and replaced her with somebody named Alice."\n\n"An Alice sandwich doesn't have the same ring to it."\n\n"Nope. Jill sandwiches for life. Or maybe for another couple of days. My [[two week notice]] is almost up." You swallow down half of your drink.\n\n"In a hurry to get home?" Sarai laughs.\n\nThere's [[the subject]] you were hoping to avoid.

"I don't like making promises, sorry," you tell her.<<set $no_promise = true>>\n\n"Same here," Taya says.\n\n"I promise." Nayeli says.\n\n"I understand." Sarai [[wipes her eyes|airtime]]. "Thank you."

"It's not fair for you guys to torture Nayeli like this. You have to let her have her independence," you stand up for her.\n\n"Is it fair for her to keep torturing me? And lying about it?" Sarai says. "Nayeli can't be that uncomfortable, seeing how she accepts us feeding her and putting a roof over her head. Nayeli's got a cushy life but she insists on doing something that hurts me." She sigh. "The worst part is that you lied, Nayeli. You lied for so long."\n\n"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do..."\n\n"You could've talked to me," Sarai says.\n\n"[[Same here]]," Taya says.

"I'm going to take the couch."\n\n<<if $route_b>>"Again? You don't have to insist on being polite. You're welcome to the bed," Sarai says, frowning.<<set $backpain2 = true>>\n\n"It's okay, really, I'm fine with it. I like the couch."\n\n"Suit yourself. I'll grab you some blankets." Nayeli stretches. Sarai gives you a good night kiss, then walks off to get ready for bed. Once she's gone, Nayeli whispers to you that you're a bad liar. You don't justify that with a response.<<else>>"Okay. Nayeli, could you grab her some blankets from the other room? I'm going to go wash my face." Sarai gives you a good night kiss, then walks off to the bathroom.\n\nNayeli drops off your blankets. "You didn't pick the couch because of what happened last night, right?"\n\n"No. I wanted to give you guys some privacy."\n\n"Okay, cool. Have a nice night." She leaves you alone.<<endif>>\n\nYou [[fall asleep]] easily.

You're on your way back with the drinks when you nearly run into a girl. <<if $willpower < 2>>You can't stop yourself from taking a few sips. The drinks are stronger than you thought. They go straight to your head since you're such a lightweight.<<endif>>\n\n"Sorry! Wait, Ashley Evans?" It's her, dressed in a way you've never seen before. She fills out her tight dress nicely. Rather than the fresh-faced makeup she's usually in, she's wearing smoky eyeshadow and thick mascara. "What are you doing here?"\n\n"Call me Ashley. I'm not working." Her usual Ashley Evans smile splits across her face. "I'm doing the same as you! Having fun. Is your girlfriend here?"\n\n"Yeah, she's—" You can't say what she's actually doing. "She's [[dancing]], I think."

A few days later, you send Taya a text message. Recently, it's been harder to get a hold of her.\n\n<html><b>Me:</b></html> Where r u?\n<html><b>T-Money:</b></html> Just got out of class. Going to dorm. Why?\n<html><b>Me:</b></html> I'm at the lion statue. Your campus is big! Lost.\n<html><b>T-Money:</b></html> Wait there.\n\n[[Put down your phone and look up.]]

You take Taya in. Every curve. The shape of her breasts. Her cute belly. She bites her bottom lip, not at all shy with her eyes. "Dammit," she breathes out. "You're unfairly hot naked. Give me your work out plan."\n\nYou step forward to touch her, but she dodges you. "Behave! It's shower time." Taya hops into it. Laughing to yourself, you follow her right in. "Lean down. I wanna wash your hair."\n\nShe lathers the shampoo in, gently scratching your scalp as she does. Taya works it all through your hair, from the roots to the ends. You're so relaxed that you start humming. Being taken care of like this makes your heart swell.\n\nTaya washes out the shampoo just as gently and to thank her, you kiss her, hard. Just as you feel her lips start to part, she catches herself and pushes on your stomach. "Stop, you're supposed to behave." She giggles, a little breathless.\n\n"Sorry. Can I wash your hair?"\n\n"Yeah," she says, [[getting lower]].

As you walk hand-in-hand back to the apartment, Nayeli asks you a question. "Would you ever want to perform with me at an open mic?"\n\n"I'm not sure if I can. Estrella Entertainment has certain rules... I can't perform without their permission."\n\n"You could go incognito. A wig, sunglasses, the whole bit." Nayeli suggests. "How about a masquerade mask?"\n\n*[[Agree|michael][$openmic = true]].\n*[[Turn down the offer.][$openmic_no = true]]

You turn down the coffee. You don't want the caffeine to mess you up.\n\n"You're going to love the name that I gave you guys," Taya says.\n\n"I'll kill you if it's something bad." Nayeli says, glaring at her.\n\n"Oh, it's certainly not a lie... [[You'll see|more than welcome]]!"

Taya's grateful to hear that. "Between you and me, Sarai used to have drinking problems, like real bad. She went through a program and everything. She's over it now."\n\n"Like a twelve-step program?"\n\n"Yeah."\n\n"I thought the point of those is to get people to quit drinking. How did it work if she's still drinking?"\n\n"Sarai rarely drinks. It's not like she's chugging bottles every single night." Taya's voice darkens. "Don't make this into a bigger deal than it is, Jerri. You're better than that. If Sarai has a problem with anything, it's living in a la-la land. She's lucky—no, we're all lucky that you've been so on-board with everything we've been putting you through. This...all of this...is a lot for any polynewbie to take. You got started off on [[hard mode]]."

"Yeah," you squeeze her hand. "It'll be fun."\n\n"Good, good...that's really good." Nayeli turns away so you [[can't see her]] smile. You don't have to see it. You can feel it in the way that she swings her arm as she holds your hand.

You don't have to wait for long. The door opens slowly. Sarai emerges. She almost loses her footing.\n\n"Didjoo see the news?" She slurs.\n\n<<if $comments_no>>"I never look at the news."<<endif>><<if $comments_yes>>"No. What is it?"<<endif>>\n\n"Look up your name," Sarai says.\n\nTaya beats you to it. She holds it out for you to see. The search reveals article after article about the mysterious woman you were seen kissing.\n\n"Guess whose girlfriend is an escort? A lying bitch of an escort!"\n\n"No one's an escort. What the fuck?!" Taya exclaims. "Don't believe that tabloid shit."\n\nYou [[scroll]] through the list.

It's late enough that everyone should be home now, but all the lights are off. You check your phone for a voicemail from Sarai. She has to pick up a late shift at work on the boss' orders. They're preparing for a big event.\n\nYou heat up leftovers from the fridge and go to your room.\n\nYeah, the one with the wooden floor and no furniture. You take out your laptop. You might as well check out that Pickford Top 100 chart while you have a quiet moment to yourself.\n\nNot having the wi-fi password foils that plan.\n\nYou [[hunt around]] the living room and kitchen for the router.

You join in with them. After a while, Nayeli says something that makes you feel a smidgen bad. She says that she's only kissing you guys to keep you from doing anything worse. Oh well. You kiss them forever. Nayeli doesn't let Taya touch you under your shirt. She's being mean.<<set $booth = true>>\n\n"I'm gonna be sick." Taya runs away without any warning. This means that she's mean too. She ruined the good time that you were having.\n\nYou feel hot. Your clothes are messy. Nayeli grabs your hand. She drags you along with her to find Taya. She's cursing up a storm. You like having your hand in hers. You feel safe. It's been so long since you've felt this safe and taken care of.\n\nBut you realize where you are—back on the dance floor and in public—so you wiggle your hand free of hers. You're [[alone]] again.

"How's that make you feel?" Taya takes her shoes off to get more comfortable. You do the same, untying your shoes and tossing them away in no time at all.\n\n"Happy. It means that my hard work's paying off."\n\nThere's a knock at the door. Room service. Taya gets the door. The waiter rolls in the cart. He's young, not that much older than you and Taya. You're a little jealous he landed a job like this. You've had to put up with shitty jobs all your life. Delivering food for rich people beats being a sandwich worker by far. Of course, you're no longer a sandwich girl, but still. The past you, the one who suffered under menial employment, would've been so jealous.\n\nSmiling and wishing you both a good evening, he sets down your plates. Taya says the same back to him and [[shuts the door behind him]] when he goes.

"As long as they don't cover up Jerri's voice with auto-tune, it'll be great," Nayeli says.\n\nSarai sucks down her drink like it's water. She makes a second one that's more bourbon than ginger ale and knocks that one back just as fast.\n\n"Hey, not to be pushy, but...is there any way that we could all share the bed tonight? I could use a little extra comfort."\n\n"Are you sure we shouldn't be worried?" You ask her.\n\n"If Sarai says we shouldn't worry, then we shouldn't worry," Nayeli answers for her.\n\n<<if $backpain or $backpain2>>You know you have no way out of this for the sake of your physical health. You're going to have to do something about getting your own [[furniture]].<<else>>"If you say [[so|furniture]]..."<<endif>>

"You're the one that's gonna be set for life. You're famous! I still can't believe Sarai picked you up. Did she win you over with one of her stupid card tricks?" Taya asks.\n\n"Yeah. She shot a card at me," you answer. "It wasn't stupid to me. It was cool."\n\n"She's got a weakness for musicians, and we've all got a weakness for playing cards."\n\n<<if $route_a>>Taya must be the exception to that rule, considering what Nayeli said about her last night.<<endif>><<if $route_b>>"Are you a musician too? What do you play? <<endif>><<if $played_guitar>>You figure she can't be a singer, not with <html><i>that</i></html> voice. <<endif>><<if $route_b>>Taya shakes her head and says that she's the exception to the rule.<<endif>>\n\n"How'd you [[meet Sarai]]?"

You thread your fingers through her hair, careful to rub the shampoo all the way through it. You sing the notes of <html><i>Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Men in a Tub</i></html> to her as you do it. Recognizing it, she sings out the rest.\n\n"The butcher, the bakeeeerrrr, the candlestick—waugghh."\n\nWater runs into her mouth when you tilt her head the wrong way. She splutters it out.\n\n"Sorry. I was trying not to get any soap in your eyes."\n\n"You did that on purpose, you jerk." Taya stands up all the way and wipes the water off of her face. "Turn around. I'm gonna wash your back."\n\nYou wonder if she's going to "wash" any of your other [[hard-to-reach]] places.

She hands it to you when you're done. "This is the address for Kitagawa's, the best sushi bar in this city. Take her there. It's low-lit, intimate, and you can have some privacy. Many Estrella Girls frequent it when they want to lay low for that reason."\n\n"Thank you so much!"\n\n"Order the sweet potato rolls." Shannon gestures towards the door. "This concludes our meeting. Good luck on your date, Jerri."\n\nYou swear that she smiles as you leave.\n\n[[Success.]]

Taya goes off to get Nayeli while you talk with Sarai. She holds your hands.\n\n"Did you spill some coffee on yourself?" You've never seen her look less than impeccable.\n\n"Oh, yeah, it was one of those kinds of days. Good thing I wasn't wearing white or it would've been more embarassing." She says. "How was your day?"\n\n"Apparently I ran into Cameo without realizing it, I work with a bunch of low-key bitches, and I might've made a new friends. Her name's Ashley Evans. She joined a month ago."\n\n"Wait, you ran into Cameo? <html><i>That</i></html> Cameo?"\n\n"Yeah, the famous one. I don't know why she was walking around Estrella Headquarters. Weird. Either way, I kind of pissed her off so I'm hoping I never see her again."\n\n"I hope so too," Sarai kisses you on the [[forehead]].

Sarai clears her throat. "Nayeli... If we do stay together, could you stop being a webcam model?"\n\nYou're not sure how well his line of questioning is going to turn out.\n\n"I hate having hand-outs." Nayeli says.\n\n"So you'd rather get them from men online?"\n\n"It's different," she explains. "This is what I do for work. Even with the sites taking a cut of my earnings, it still beats making nothing. I can't live like that."\n\n"While I admire you being independent with your hand-outs for handjobs, there's no reason for you to refuse our help. You're our girlfriend." Taya says. "Whatever money I have is yours too. And the money that I make in the future, if we're still together then, will be yours too. I don't see you as a fucking [[freeloader]]."

Life's interesting when you have money. None of these people look like they have problems. As soon as something bad crops up, they can pour cash on the issue until it goes away. It's weird thinking that this kind of life is within reach for you too.\n\nYour money won't be as unlimited as Taya's, but it's going to be there in heaps and piles. That's a perk of being a famous pop star. When your bank account gets low, you can make an appearance, or do something else for free food and goods. Wealthy companies will endorse you. That sort of thing happens for celebrities all the time.\n\nYou reach Room 607N. You slide in the card, it beeps twice, and you enter. There's one queen-sized bed. The sheets are so white that they look like they've never been touched by human hands. There are endtables with lamps on them on either side of the bed. The one on the right has a wired telephone.\n\nThe carpet's a mottled gray-blue color.\n\nA large screen television sits on top of dark mohagony drawers. Then, there's a desk, a spinny chair, a view of the city skyline that's gorgeous at this time of night, and a thermostat for the in-room air conditioning.\n\nThere's a mini-fridge and an assortment of snacks and drinks on the counter resting on what you assume is some type of sensor machine. Maybe it counts the weight of the items and will ping when something's removed so it's automatically put on the bill?\n\nTaya hangs the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the outside of the door, and then [[deadbolts]] you in.

You enter the bathroom. Taya has her back to you as she strips off her clothes. You follow each article of clothing as it hits the tiles. Her shirt. Her socks. Her pants that she has to bend forward to get off. Her bra, snapped off and hurled behind her. It misses you. Her underwear that she steps out of...\n\nShe peeks over her shoulder, her arms crossed over her chest. "Are you coming in or are you just gonna stand there?"\n\nYou hurry to remove your clothes. Soon, they all join her pile. You kick them off to the side so they don't accidentally get wet.\n\n"Tell me if it gets too hot for you," she says.\n\n"It won't be."\n\nShe finally turns around to [[get a look]] at you.\n\n

"You don't have to be one anymore. You can get out of my face." Sarai says.\n\n"Once we leave, that's it. We're not coming back." Taya says.\n\n"Don't let the door hit you on the way out."\n\nAs they go to the bedroom to get a bunch of their things, you try to talk Sarai down.\n\n"Nayeli blew everything that I worked hard for. Is this my fault? I should've worked harder. I should've done better in school. Oh, a rich family. That would've solved everything." Sarai's off in her own space, tracing her problems. You try to hug her but she snaps at you, "don't touch me. You're a liar too."\n\nTaya and Nayeli are ready to go. Taya asks you if you're coming with them.\n\n*[[Go with them][$went_with_them = true]].\n*[[Stay with Sarai][$stayed_with_first = true]].

You met her in the same [[bar]] where you were scouted. When she walked up to you, you were in the middle of packing up your [[guitar]] after playing a set of 90's pop hits for a group of drunks that kept yelling "free bird."\n\n"Hey, I was watching your show and I was just wondering if you're doing any autographs." She brandished a deck. "I've only got these cards, sorry. Pick your favorite."\n\nYou signed your name in block letters on the Ace of Diamonds: JERRI BENAVIDES.\n\n"Why that one?"\n\n"It's got a lot of [[space]]."

"I think your desk is that one," you point over to the desk on the yellow side.\n\n"You're right. Here's your prize." She [[kisses|feeling]] you.

"Did you have anything to do with it?" You ask her.\n\nAshley Evans puts her hand over her mouth. "I'd never do such a thing! I was a friend, not your competition. It's nasty of you to even think that."\n\n"Okay." You don't want to bother fighting with her. You're done with everything Estrella-related. You just want to [[go home]].

"No," Nayeli sighs. "I fucking hate this name for it, but I'm a cam girl. This is how us people in the real world make our money."\n\n"Isn't this illegal? Isn't this borderline prostitution?" You don't want her to get arrested over this.\n\n"Who the fuck cares?" She waves off your concern. "I don't need your shitty judgment. You've got it so easy. A loving girlfriend. A roof over your head the moment things started to suck for you."\n\n"That was all in the timing. It's not like I wasn't dating Sarai in the first place. I didn't go out with her expecting all of this."\n\n"No, you didn't, but you got it. Everything gets handed to you."\n\n"If anyone's being judgmental, it's you with that stick up your ass." The muscles in your arm [[tense up]]. "Who do you think you are, coming at me like this?"

"Yeah..." You search your brain for a conversation topic. You settle for an easy one. "What led you to majoring in Finance & MIS? I would've thought you'd be into something more creative."\n\n"I'm a logical person. Math is easy for me." She shrugs. "Honestly, I'm more into the job security aspect of it. It's not hard to major in both. It's something most kids at school do."\n\n"Are you looking forward to being done soon? I couldn't wait to get out."\n\n"Hm, not really. Office jobs suck and banks are banks."\n\nYou're not sure what she means by that [[bank comment]].

The next day, you meet Shannon in her office in the afternoon after hours of working on your music video. You had trouble perfecting one of your turns. You may have to do more work at home.\n\n<<if $tired>>"Do you know why I called you into my office, Jerri?" Shannon types something into her computer.\n\n"Because I messed up today." You don't need her to tell you that.\n\n"Yes, you did. You missed cues and you were off on your counts. It was so alarming that the music video director called me to ask me the same question I'm going to ask you: what's wrong with you?"\n\n"I slept too late." You fight away a yawn.\n\n"Was it because of your girlfriend?"\n\n"No, it was [[someone else]]."<<else>>"Do you know why I called you into my office, Jerri?" Shannon types something into her computer.\n\n"You wanted to congratulate me on a job well-done?"\n\n"I called you here to talk about [[your image]]. It's close to being finalized."<<endif>>

"I'd like to take the bed with Sarai tonight, if that's okay..."\n\nNayeli nods in understanding. <<if $route_a>>"Makes sense. Good night, guys."<<endif>><<if $route_b>>"It's cool. Good night, guys."<<endif>>\n\n...\n\nThis is your first night in bed with Sarai since officially declaring yourself her girlfriend. You spread yourself out on her sheets, searching for a difference in feeling. The cotton's cotton. The decor is what it is. Being with Sarai feels practically the same as always.\n\nIsn't the G word supposed to be a bigger deal? Your stomach's supposed to flip. You're supposed to get weak in the knees. You're supposed to want to follow her around like a puppy dog.\n\nThe thing is, you already went through that relationship stage with her, before you became "[[official]]."

"I s-swear I didn't touch anyone else. No one touched me!" Nayeli pleads.\n\n"She's telling the truth. It was all online," you stick up for her.\n\nSarai reels on you. "You knew about this?!" You brace yourself for whatever hit's about to come.\n\n"It was my fault!" Taya calls out. "I was lonely at school, okay? I asked Nayeli to send me that stuff. Pictures, videos, all of it. I didn't want to tell you because I was embarrassed. I bet I was hacked, so...so leave her alone, Sarai."\n\n*[[Tell Taya to stop lying]].\n*[[Let the lie go]].

"That's it. I'm calling Sarai. I'm gonna make her come get you. I can't do this all by myself." Nayeli takes out her phone and sits down sort of close to you but not really on the couch. Like, she's really on the couch, but she's not that close to you.\n\nTaya gets in her lap. Nayeli's eyes get all wide. What's with everyone's eyes? Then they start making out and it's the best thing you've seen in your life. What could be better than watching two of your girlfriends make out with each other? This is so fascinating.\n\nOoh, maybe you should join in. Or! Or! Or you could run away and find someone fun, like Ashley Evans. You could hang out with Ashley Evans and like, do something other than make out with her because that's something you're only allowed to do with Sarai, Nayeli, and Taya.\n\n*[[Run away]].\n*[[Join in]].

<<if $company>>Things go back to relative normalcy for you at Estrella Entertainment. You're climbing in rank on the Pickford Toop 100 Chart. The last time you checked, you were somewhere in the 60s. Shannon tells you to keep doing what you're doing.\n\nYou've done well for yourself. You've got your own apartment. You keep it spotless, which is easy to do since you never have any guests. Your bed's too small for that.\n\nYou keep an empty room for practicing in. Sometimes you wonder what it would be like if someone moved into your spare room. I'd be easyYou'd clear out he closet, put a bigger bed in, and decorate it however they'd like. It'd be nice.<<else>>You fill up your days <<if $hotel>>working room service in a hotel<<else>>scooping ice cream<<endif>> and going back to your studio apartment. You've got enough money from your pop star life to float the place for another few months. You're saying goodbye that money one dollar at a time.\n\nThe money's easy to let go...it's the stage that isn't. Sometimes you catch yourself asking, "what if?"\n\nYou shake those thoughts away as fast as you can.\n\nYou're thinking of going back to school, but you're not sure where (somwhere cheap) and what major (something business or music-related, maybe both).<<endif>>\n\nYou find yourself walking outside, thinking of going somewhere to clear your head...\n\n*[[Walking along the business district]].\n*[[Walking to a coffee shop to hear live music|A coffee shop to hear live music]].\n*[[Walking through a college campus]].\n*[[Nevermind]].

You spend the next hour eating and watching a secret agent movie together. The main character's partner turns out to be a spy for the enemy the whole time, which forces him to have to choose between his love and his duty.\n\nDuty wins.\n\nIn the epilogue, he sits alone at his favorite bar, nursing a whiskey bottle and missing his dead boyfriend's piano playing.\n\nTaya gets up and you instantly miss having her arm around you. You feel cozy with her in a way that's different from when you're alone with the others. You're not looking up at her, or looking at her from a distance.\n\n"I'm gonna take a shower," she says "It's up to you if you want to save water and join me. How much of an environmentalist are you?"\n\n*[[Join her]].\n*[[Stay|hotely]].

"We should plan a date for this weekend," she says. "We can get to know each other better."\n\n"That'd be fun. We definitely should."\n\n<<if not $played_guitar>>"We should come up with some [[date night plans|continuation]], then."<<endif>><<if $played_guitar>>Nayeli bursts out of her room. The door opens so hard that it slams into the wall.\n\n"Taya! What the fuck did I tell you about touching [[my guitar|oops]]?!"<<endif>>

No more greasy sandwich shop working for you. You're glad to [[leave that life behind|give us off from work]].

"We're not giving up," you say. "We're...trying to work things out."\n\n"Try saying that like you mean it." Nayeli looks directly at you.\n\n"I don't know where to go from here."\n\n"That's okay as long as you're still trying."\n\nTaya says, "if we're not going to talk about anything new, then I'm going to go. I've got things to do. Sarai's already volunteered to break up with us. This is pretty much settled, right?"\n\n"You're completely rewriting history," Sarai says.\n\n"What was your speech about earlier then? You're getting cold feet?"\n\n"You make it sound like you [[want me to break up]] with you."

"We can't make it look like you're dating me," you tell her.\n\n"I am dating you."\n\n"No, I'm dating Taya. That's it. Everyone's supposed to think I'm with her and that's it." Even though you say that, you pull Nayeli in for a kiss anyway. You think it's emotional. Or would passionate be a better thing to call it? "I wish you took a pill too. I want you to feel this good."\n\nYou don't know how she reacts to that. She drags you to the bathroom and puts your head in the sink. Nayeli runs water over you.\n\nTaya pops out of one of the stalls. She yells "surprise" and it's the best surprise ever. She calls you a drowned rat. You splash water on her so she looks like one too.\n\nThe party ends when Nayeli takes you both by the hands and walks you out of the club. She doesn't say anything or laugh at any of your jokes.\n\nShe's a hero for [[getting you home|in the toilet]] and in bed.

When the glitter fades, you're back to reality, away from the photoshoots and meetings that have marked the beginning of your career with [[Estrella Entertainment]].\n\nOne of their agents recently scouted you. It's been so recent that you haven't gotten any payments yet. They've [[taken more money]] from you than you've given to them.\n\nIt'll swing back the other way, though, and you'll be able to live on more than your abysmal sandwich shop salary. [[Some day]]...

"Whatever," Nayeli stands up. "I don't have time for your shit."\n\n"Nothing's going to change between us if you're going to keep saying 'whatever' like that. I thought we were actually getting somewhere, and then you pull something like this." <<if $kissed_n>>You think back to that kiss you shared. Did it not matter to her at all?<<endif>><<if $starry2>>Did the other night not matter at all?<<endif>>\n\nYou feel like you have to say this. "Should I even bother anymore or is this all a waste of our time?"\n\nA few emotions pass by quickly on her face. She settles for neutrality, and holds her hand out for you to take. "Here. Don't worry, I washed up."\n\n*[[Take her hand]].\n*[[Get up without her help]].

"You know what's funny? Helping my girlfriend get ready for a date with my other girlfriend."\n\n"Funny in a bad way?" You hold up a dress to your body, checking yourself out in the mirror.\n\n"Not at all. I like it."\n\nYou're in a store with Sarai. You trust her tastes, so you enlisted her help. She doesn't look too thrilled with your latest dress. You put it back on the rack to get another.\n\nThe struggle is striking a balance between effortless and trying-because-you're-worth-it. You want to be casually flawless, like you're not [[too much of one thing or the other]].

<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 11 days ago,\n\n"I was getting gelato with my friends and guess who I spotted? JERRI AND TAYA!!!! I took pictures."\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 11 days ago,\n\n"Did you get an autograph?"\n\n<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 11 days ago,\n\n"I got pictures with them and they signed my shoes."\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 11 days ago,\n\n"pix or it didnt happen"\n\n<html><b>rahul_cookie</b></html> posted 11 days ago,\n\n"THE PICTURES ARE IN THE LINKS"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 10 days ago,\n\n"@nerdygirl14: Please stay on topic. If you post something like that again, nerdygirl14, I'm going to report you to the moderators.\n\n@JNFan: I'm so jealous! You're so lucky. I've gotten pictures with a few Estrella Girls before, but I haven't gotten a chance to meet Jerri and Taya yet."\n\n<html><b>twist_of_fate</b></html> posted 9 days ago,\n\n"ive got all her songs on repat. her music videos are great. i love jerri. i cant wait for her next video to come out. i think there are leaked singles out there. i'm going to look for them."\n\n<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 9 days ago,\n\n"Are you going to the Estrella Girl fan meet and greet? I bet you that Jerri and Taya are the secret guests. It's this weekend!!"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 9 days ago\n\n"I'll be there. I'm going to wear an Ashley Evans shirt and my Miya K hat. Team Estrella all the way!"\n\n<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 8 days ago,\n\n"I love Jessica Nash and Simon-Timmons Music but I think I'm converting over to Team Jerri... Uh oh!"\n\nThe rest of the thread becomes irrelevant.\n\n[[Do one last search.|Finish searching.]]

And he's not the only one you've lied to. The list goes on, and on, and on.\n\nYou can't say what you want to say. You have to adhere to your image. You spit out whatever two-cent lines they feed you. You promote your music and make sure to remind everyone that you're gay. You're required to have on a rainbow accessory at all times.\n\nYour sales are going up, but for what reason?\n\nYou watch fan recordings of your performances on YouTube and feel your stomach drop as you count all of your mistakes on your fingers.\n\nAnd yet, [[they forgive you for them]].

You shift back over to your side of the bed. You hear Nayeli turn in possible confusion.<<set $starry = "no">>\n\n"Sorry, I remembered that I have practice tomorrow and it's getting late." You punctuate your words with a light and airy laugh to let her know that nothing's wrong. "Good night!"\n\nShe's quiet at first. "Okay. I've gotta go to the bathroom. Good night."\n\nNayeli closes the door carefully when she leaves. You wonder if you let her and Sarai down somehow. These worries make it hard for you to fall sleep, but [[eventually you do|SleepA]].

<html><a href="http://www.twitter.com/kaleidofish">kaleidofish</a></html>

Since it's nowhere to be found, that means it has to be in Sarai and Nayeli's bedroom. You knock on the door. No answer. Nayeli must be out somewhere, maybe with friends or at a concert or something. You don't know what she does with her personal life outside of the quadship. She could be anywhere, doing anything.\n\nOr she could be doing what you [[catch her doing]] when you open her unlocked door...

<<if $stayed_first>>You're still with Sarai. She's been practicing new card flourishes to occupy her time with. You don't see why she has to. She's already captured you with a simple card trick. Sometimes, simplicity is all you need.\n\nYou've become her sous chef in the kitchen, chopping up vegetables for her. You haven't cut your hand yet so that's a plus.\n\n[[Things with her are great.|nayeliend]]<<else>>You don't see much of Sarai these days. You grab lunch with her here and there, but that's about it. She's trying to convince you to take up cardistry with her. Yu don't see why a master has o spend ime with a beginner. Maye she's jut looking for an excuse to spend time with you...\n\nIn that case, that's [[not so bad|nayeliend]].<<endif>>

"What am I supposed to do?"\n\n"We have to figure out what we'll do for damage control. This is bad all around. This could cost you your career." Shannon says. "This is bound to come up at the press conference. Our publicist will train you on what we need you to say. We need this scandal to die fast."\n\n<<if $noconference>>"I can't go to the press conference."\n\n"You have to. It's your career on the line."\n\n"Could I do another one? One that's more specifically focused on this issue. I'll be more ready then." You pray that she'll accept that reasoning.\n\nShe does. "Alright. That will give our publicist more time to train you."<<else>>"Okay." What more is there for you to say?<<endif>>\n\nYour meeting reaches its conclusion. Shannon <<if $comments_yes>>[[dismisses|comments]]<<else>>[[dismisses|phonecall]]<<endif>> you.

"I think I'm gonna stay in bed for a bit. I'll see you when you're done," you say. Taya tells you to suit yourself, and skips off to the shower.\n\nYou surf the channels for something else to watch. You find a reality show about college a capella groups and settle for that. Sometime during it, you fall asleep. You wake up briefly later that night. Taya's in bed with you, her arm draped over your body. She's snoring softly.\n\nYou go back to sleep, [[content|nextscene]].

And you hope that some day comes soon, because you got kicked out of your most recent place of residence. To call it that is being generous—it was a dingy couch in a former lover's basement.\n\nWhen you couldn't keep up the rent, she tossed you out with the [[couch]].

It gets worse. You find out how much worse it gets when you [[return home]] that night.

You decide not to do anything more than that, and gently [[fall asleep]] in her arms.

"Hi, I'm Nayeli. I'm doing a cover of a song by one of my favorite up and coming singers. I hope you like it."\n\nShe opens up with playing a bunch of chords back and forth. You recognize the rhythm instantly. That's...your song. It's an acoustic, melancholic version of your upbeat song.\n\nNayeli sings it with such sorrow that you almost forget that it's a song about dancing and having the best day ever with your friends because everybody else sucks. She makes it sound so bitter and jealous.\n\nYou put your head [[down on the table]] until it's over.\n

"She's not a celebrity. She's a pop star," Nayeli says. "She'll be a one hit wonder if she's lucky."\n\nIt takes a great amount of willpower for you not to snap at her.\n\n"Let's get on with [[the rules|groundrules]] already, shall we?" Sarai asks.

"Sorry about today in general," Nayeli tells you once you're lying in bed. <<if $played_guitar>>"I didn't mean to freak out so much over the guitar. It's just that the last time Taya handled something of mine, she broke it."\n\nThat has to be the reason why the keyboard stand's empty.\n\n"Taya's got the money to replace it, but I don't want her to. I don't want to keep hearing her nagging at me about what she owns and all that. It's annoying," she continues.<<else>>"At least you got a preview of what it's like to be with all three of us. Some of us are harder to be with than others." She coughs Taya's name into her palm.<<endif>>\n\n"Speaking of Taya..." Time for some reconnaissance. "Can you tell me something about her? I need to figure out a good place to take her on a date."\n\n"No way, that's unfair. You're going to play the dating game [[like everyone else]]."\n\n

"I'm the one who's sorry. I should've laid down the ground rules better." Sarai says. You don't know whose fault this all is. "Here, I'll [[start doing it now|groundrules]]."

On your way to the HQ, you see someone that looks vaguely like your mother.\n\nYou know for a fact it's not her. She isn't even in this state.\n\nYou think back to the last time you saw her face and the [[burning disappointment]] in her eyes.

You turn away. You cringe as you say, "I can't risk doing any PDA right now. Sorry."<<set $avoid_3>>\n\n"Even though you're a no-name singer?"\n\n"I won't be one forever. It's better for us to get used to this early on."\n\n"...That's some bullshit, but whatever." Taya sighs. \n\n"It's not like I didn't want to. It's work."\n\n"At least you know how to let a girl down easy." She starts [[walking]].

<<set $stayed_first = true>>"I'm staying with Sarai. I have to break up with you, Taya." It's hard for you to say but you manage it.\n\n"What the fuck?"\n\n"It's the best thing for the both of us."\n\n"Don't give me that bullshit," she seethes. <<if $stayed_second>>"So you think I was the problem all along? The three of you are just going to go off into the sunset together?"<<endif>><<if $single_second>>\n\n"It's not the three of us. I broke up with Sarai," Nayeli corrects her.<<endif>>\n\nYou don't know what to say to her. "I'm sorry?"\n\n"Save it. I don't want to hear it," Taya [[says|endmoment]].

It's a latest-of-the-line phone, sleek and professional-looking. You whistle when you see it. This is the sort of thing that people camp out overnight for. Ashley Evans sees the envy in your eyes and giggles.\n\n"This is company-provided. Once you're in the Top 100, I'm sure Shannon will get you one. It's a lot of responsibility, though." She frowns as she sticks a fork into a chunk of chicken. "We're supposed to stay connected to our social media accounts 24/7. All of our statuses have to make us look good in some way or be relatable. Oh, and they gotta fit our image, like Ashley Evans the performer could never tweet about a monster truck show even if Ashley the person thinks they're cool. We're separate people."\n\n"That sounds like more trouble than its worth." All that to get a super phone? It's too much. You pick up some noodles with your chopsticks and bring them to your mouth. They're surprisingly not bad.\n\n"I bet you a hundred dollars that [[girls like Cameo]] have interns taking care of their accounts."

"What about the rest of us?" Taya asks. "We might as well cut to the chase about this now that Nayeli has. What do you want to do, Jerri?"\n\n*[[Stay with both Sarai and Taya][$stayed_first_third = true]].\n*[[Stay with Sarai and not Taya|saraichoice][$stayed_first = true]].\n*[[Stay with Taya and not Sarai|tayachoice][$stayed_third = true]].

"See, this is why we should've talked over the rules together." Sarai scratches the back of her neck. "It'd make the boundaries clearer and nothing would've gotten confused."\n\n"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to say that." You say. "I didn't mean anything by it."\n\n"Sure you didn't." Taya grins.\n\n"Stop it," Nayeli chides her.\n\n"These rules aren't a punishment. They're just a necessity. Let's move on with [[talking about them|groundrules]], shall we?"

Hours later, you're sitting outside, swiping through an app to find a place with a warm bed. The prospects aren't looking good. Too many pictures of women with high-angle photos, group shots, and so much blurriness you can't distinguish their eyes from their forehead.\n\nMaybe you'll have better luck at a bar... They won't try to card you as long as you don't order any alcohol.\n\nThe only ones nearby will close at 3 AM so that gives you a couple hours to [[find somebody, anybody]].

You laugh in agreement. "A babypolydyke? It's silly, but [[sure]]."

"I dunno. She did this same thing when she brought Taya into the group. She left us alone in bed together, and, yeah," Nayeli muses. "She likes it when her girlfriends bond fast so it's possible."\n\nThat's an interesting way to break the ice...\nbut also something you're not sure you're up for.\n\nIt's different when it happens naturally for fun...\nthis is more like a performance and you're not so sure you can give a good one.\n\nNot that you'd fake anything with Nayeli...\nbut your nerves are shot even though you're interested.\n\nAnd if you did do this, Sarai would approve...\nand maybe your relationship with Nayeli would improve.\n\nThere's drawbacks...\nand there's [[benefits]].

<<if $stayed_second>>Nayeli's out and about playing music more regularly. You support her at every show you can get to, the one person in the back clapping enthusiastically every time even if you're just at a grungy house show. <<if $company>>You do it while disguised, of course. You can't have Estrella Entertainment catch you with her in any way. You've worked too hard to lose it again.<<endif>>\n\nYou work on songs together. <<if not $company>>You've thought about joining her on stage, but it brings back too many weird memories for you.<<endif>> <<if $openmic and not $company>>The world will have to wait longer for anoher Pussy Lovers Anonymous reunion.<<endif>>\n\nShe's enrolled to start school next fall. She figures if her music takes off again, she'll pursue that...but for now, Nursing can be her back-up plan.\n\nYou've got to admit it...Nayeli looks [[cute in her scrubs|tayaend]]. You're proud of her. She's making it in the world.<<else>>You keep in touch with Nayeli, sometimes meeting up with her to talk about music together. It's rare to find someone on the same wavelength with you like that, so you cherish your friendship.\n\nShe's enrolled in school for the fall. She's picking up where she last left off in her Nursing degree. You wish her the best of luck.\n\nSinging certain songs together makes you long for the past...songs about love or mistakes you've made in losing that love. It doesn't help that you've gotten so into the music that you've wound up kissing her more than a few times.\n\nBut that's all in the performance, isn't it? That's what Nayeli says. It's the music, [[and nothing more|tayaend]].<<endif>>

<<if $backpain>>During dance practice, you have trouble with the movements. Your back tightens up on you. The springs in the couch must've done a number on your back.<<endif>><<if $starry>>During dance practice, you miss your cues. The instructor isn't happy about that. He asks you to come back down to Earth and get out of La La Land.<<endif>><<if $backpain or $starry>>\n\n<<endif>>Dance practice leaves you feeling tired and drained by the end of it. You work out muscles you didn't think you owned. You feel like you've been stretched to new heights and new lows. Apparently, the burn in your body tells you that this is working, so you'll have to get used to [[the sensation]].

20. Rylie Million\n19. Luka\n18. Avery D\n17. Carey Marie\n16. Rhiannon\n15. Karli\n14. QueenB\n13. Meeko\n12. Elodie Ayres\n10. Athena Lauryn\n9. Luciana Adams\n8. Lilou\n7. Saanvi\n6. Melanie Avarice\n5. Jimena\n4. May Westward\n3. Angel Parks\n2. Heloise\n1. Litany\n\n[[38-21|38-11]] >> <html><b>20-1</b></html>\n[[Give Ashley Evans her phone back.]]

You go home with Taya to find Sarai lounging out on the couch, eating cereal. She calls out to Nayeli that you're back, then gets up to hug you both at once. As soon as she lets go, Nayeli's arms are around Taya to squeeze her tight.\n\n"It feels like it's been forever since I last saw you," she says to her.\n\n"School sucks. Stay away from it."\n\n"It's not like I want to," Nayeli grumbles.\n\n"Are you staying over?" Sarai asks her, her tone hopeful.\n\n"Yeah! I think I've got some pajamas here."\n\n"Or you can borrow some of mine," you say. You wonder how all four of you are going to fit on the bed. There's [[too many limbs]].

"Just because we're not all having sex doesn't mean we're unhappy," Sarai says. She puts her arm around you.\n\n"But we're poly. Isn't this something that poly people do?"\n\n"It doesn't have to be. It's not like your poly badge is going to get revoked because you're not having orgies." Nayeli sounds more awake. "People in polyships don't have to all see each other, either. It just worked out for us that way."\n\n"Okay...then why haven't we done it again, if you guys are happy?"\n\nSarai says, "I didn't want it to turn into a given. I wasn't in the best state of mind the first time." As Sarai talks, Nayeli's hand goes under your shirt to rub your stomach. You can tell its hers by the ring she's wearing. "I wouldn't hate it if it was a given, don't get me wrong. I just didn't want to put you under that kind of [[pressure]]."

"How did you feel about everything, Jerri?" Nayeli asks.\n\n"It feels like we're all about to say goodbye." You dodge her question.\n\n"It doesn't have to be that way," Nayeli says. "But, really, how did you feel? Happy? Sad? Angry?"\n\n"That depends on how this ends."\n\n"I don't get why you're refusing to answer me."\n\n"Don't put her on the spot like that," Sarai says. "Jerri could be right. This could be us saying [[goodbye to ourselves the way we are now]]."

She helps you up and doesn't let go of your hand as she leads you to [[her bedroom]].

"That might be for the best," you say. "Your needs and wants are at odds with each other's."\n\n"I understand. I went into this conversation expecting us all to break up so I'm okay with his. I've reached an understanding," Sarai says, not looking at anyone in particular.\n\n"It's shitty that you're blowing this out of proportion, Nayeli." Taya says.\n\n"Everyone weighs things differently," you explain to her.\n\n"Yes," Nayei says. "Yes, and that's why I don't think I can be with you, either, Taya. There's too many things we don't see eye-to-eye on."\n\n"If that's [[the way it has to be]]..." Taya sighs.

"What are you studying?" So far, Taya's much more conversational than Nayeli. You're thankful for that. "Sarai mentioned something like business or computers?"\n\n"A bit of both. I study Finance and Management Information Systems. I might drop Finance, though. That's more of a back-up plan." You wouldn't have pictured her studying either one of those, let alone both.\n\n"Information Systems? Is that like IT?"\n\n"I guess you could say that...on a corporate level." Taya shrugs. "My parents work in those fields."\n\n"Sounds like you're gonna be set for life."\n\nTaya lets out [[a big laugh]].

You meet Taya for coffee on your day off. School's been wearing her down, so you grab time with her whenever you can. You're in a coffee shop close to her campus, sipping a fizzy lavender lemonade drink.\n\n"So, let me get this straight... Estrella Entertainment wants to turn you into a gay icon. The world's gayness rests on your shoulders."\n\n"It beats the alternative."\n\n"What's that?"\n\n"Not having a career at all. This is important to me. It's everything."\n\n"Well, you said something about needing my help. What am I supposed to do, give you foot massages or something?"\n\n"I'd like you to [[be my girlfriend]]."

You walk into the apartment. Nayeli trails in after you. Her boots are heavy on the floor. She drops her backpack full of clothes by the door. It's dark. You would've thought that Taya and Sarai left if you didn't hear someone softly hiccuping on the couch.\n\n"Sarai?" You ask.\n\n"It's me," Taya answers. Her voice is hoarse. "You can turn on the light." You do so. Her eyes are puffy and red. "You came back?"\n\n"Yeah," Nayeli says.\n\n"Get the fuck over here."\n\nNayeli joins Taya on the couch and gives her a tight hug. You knock on the bedroom door. Sarai opens it a crack. "I got her back," you tell her, and that's enough for her to rush out and embrace Nayeli too. She sobs for a different reason now.\n\n"Big baby," Taya teases.\n\n"You were crying too!"\n\n"Let's all get ready for bed," Nayeli says. "I think we could all use some cuddling."\n\n"Who are you and what did you do with my Nayeli?" Taya asks.\n\n"Shut up."\n\nLooks like they're [[back to normal]].

"It's not so bad. I like it. The hardest thing in my life right now is my career."\n\nYour work schedule's getting more demanding. Your legs are half-dead every time you exit the studio. There are some days you get to work and feel like you can't do it—that you're some kind of fraud only playing at being a performer, but you push through those feelings and do it anyway.\n\nThere are nights when you hide your face under your pillow and cry from the things your coaches have screamed at you, or from Shannon's nitpicking. <<if $comments_yes>>You've read awful things about yourself online, about how much you suck or should die.<<endif>> You get up the next morning anyway, because you love what you do.\n\n"How about a private concert?" Taya lounges back on the pile of pillows and folds her arms behind her head. "I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so... Sing or whatever."\n\n"Were you channeling Nayeli?"\n\n"Maybe. What, are you going to [[punish]] me for it?"

"It's funny," Nayeli laughs bitterly. "It's funny how the most 'sex positive' people are actually the least. You guys don't give a shit about sex workers. You're only 'sex positive' when it's on your terms."\n\n"Being sex positive has nothing to do with this," Sarai argues.\n\n"Pretty sure sex positive doesn't mean you're clapping for your girlfriend when she's fucking herelf on camera for some dude," Taya says.\n\nNayeli glares at her. "How polyamorous are you if something like that makes you jealous? You call Sarai pathetic for wanting to set boundaries, but here you are, just as upset as her [[over a webcam]]."

"What about us? Where do you and I stand, Jerri?"\n\nIs this going to be it for you and Nayeli?\n\n*[[Stay with Nayeli][$stayed_second = true]].\n*[[Break up with Nayeli]].

"Where's Nayeli?" You say into Taya's ear. She grabs her drink from you and gulps it down. It took you longer to walk over than it does for her to finish it.\n\n"She had to go to the bathroom. Hey, do you want something sweet? A mint?"\n\n"What are you talking about?"\n\n"It's more like chalk. I dunno. Don't ask me. You wanna have fun tonight, right?" Taya grins. "Then let's do something real fun. This is something you swallow and don't chew. Kiss me if you want it. It'll make you happy."\n\nYou kiss her without thinking about it. She passes you a tablet through the kiss. You swallow it down, avoiding it with your teeth. Taya pokes you in the stomach.\n\n"You know that wasn't a mint at all, right? You know all about what it is, yeah? Not a mint. Not a sweet. None of the above! Oh, but it makes you soooo happy, Jerri."\n\nYou grip her by the arm with your free hand and [[tell her to calm down]].

"My closet doesn't matter... I'm more worried about how we're going to perform."\n\nSarai says, "this is a smalltime gig for you. You have nothing to worry about."\n\n"This is how I got started. It's like going back to my roots."\n\n"If you think you're nervous, you should check out how Nayeli's doing." Taya laughs. "She's pacing around in circles singing about how her mommy made her mash her M&Ms."\n\nThat's what she's singing? Wow, you haven't sung that one since choir class. You smile.\n\n"That's a vocal warm-up. Your vocal cords are muscles too. You have to warm them before you use them or else you can damage them," you explain. "I'm going to check on her. You guys keep looking for an outfit."\n\n"[[On it]]!" Sarai says.

If you did that...\n\nIf you took that walk...\n\nYou'd take a stroll along your city's business district, admiring the streams of people going by. They'd hurry along in their suits and ties while you leisurely sight-see. <<if $company>>You'd make sure to wear a cap pulled low so no one can recognize you.<<endif>>\n\nAnd when you'd get tired—because you know you will—you'll sit down on a bench to take a break\n\nThat's when a well-dressed woman will come over to you and ask you for the time. There'll be a playing card sticking out her pocket.\n\nAnd when you look up at her, you'll both buzz with familiarity...\n\n...[[and you'll smile.|theend]]

"I wasn't cheating," you start with that. "My girlfriend knows about it."\n\n"Are you in an open relationship?"\n\n"It isn't like that. We're more exclusive and selective than that." You fight down the urge to throw up.\n\n"An open relationship doesn't work for your image. You're supposed to be wholesome," Shannon says. "Whatever it is that you're doing in your private life isn't going to be reflected in her public one. The one radical thing about you is that you're a lesbian. You're pure other than that."\n\nYou flinch like you've been slapped.\n\nShannon continues, "your sales figures could be burning as we speak, all because you made yourself look like you're two-timing. Do you remember who your main audience is? [[Teenage girls]]."

"Things would've turned out much differently if you hadn't gotten greedy, if you'd been happy with the way things were," Taya says. <<if $avoid_3>>"The same might go for me. I could've been happy as a girl with a girlfriend who couldn't kis her in public. Jerri, is that the real reason you picked me to be your paraded-around girlfriend? Was it because I got so upset?"\n\n"That's not why. I've told you so many times why I picked you."\n\n"Sure..."<<endif>>\n\n"We could go in circles blaming each other forever." You say. "You might as well blame my career for putting a strain on everything. What if I never sang?"\n\n"Don't do that," Sarai says. "I'd rather this be [[my fault]] than anyone else's."

Were your parents right all along?\n\nEverything changes so fast in this industry.\n\nOne day you're on top and the next you're on the bottom.\n\nSinging's one thing, but all of this on top of it...\n\nIt's <<if $yesconference>>[[unbearable|can't read]]<<else>>[[unbearable|tayaroom]]<<endif>>.

You feel like absolute shit the next day. Your head's pounding. You haven't left the bed. The room shakes too much when you do, and you'd rather not put yourself through another marathon puking session.\n\nSarai lays a wash cloth over your forehead, as if that'll lessen your headache. She smooths down your hair. "You're crashing."\n\n"It's like five trains have run over me." You shudder. "Where is everyone?"\n\n"Nayeli's watching over Taya on the couch. We had to separate you guys since Taya's still throwing up." Sarai says. "Taya's probably in better hands since Nayeli was [[studying to be a nurse]] for a while."

"I want to stay with you, Nayeli," you tell her.<<set $stayed_second>>\n\nNayeli looks thrilled. Worn-out, but thrilled, [[all things considered]].

It's Nayeli. No reason to be so AlArMeD.\n\n"We're going the fuck home," she says into your ear. You put your hands on her cheeks and give her a big kiss. Nayeli's so pretty and so nice.\n\n"Where's Taya?"\n\n"Forget about her. She got herself into this mess and she can get herself out of it."\n\nThe rest of the night fades away for you. You somehow get home on the train with Nayeli and once you're there, you waste no time in sticking your head [[in the toilet]] to vomit.

"I'm going to stay with you, Sarai," you tell her.\n\n"Me too," Nayeli says.\n\nSarai [[thanks you both|nextdecision]].

"Did you know how Sarai would react before we had sex?"\n\n"What? I didn't know jack shit about how she'd react." Nayeli sits up. "It was a shitty thing for us to do and I wasn't thinking clearly. ...Not that I regret it," she clarifies, "but I didn't want to hurt Sarai."\n\nShe swings her legs over the side of the bed. "I don't want to hurt her again, so I'm gonna remove any temptations for us an sleep on the floor."\n\n"Hurt her? I thought we were all separate relationships now. You don't have to sleep on the floor. We can do whatever we want."\n\n"I know. I know that...and I know that if Sarai hated it that much, she would've put me on the couch. You wouldn't have had a choice on where to sleep."\n\n"Does that mean the option's on the table?" Your mouth moves faster than your brain.\n\n"Do you want it to be?"\n\n*[[Yes|stuffing]].\n*[[No|nostuffing]].

You take the middle.\n\n...\n\nBeing in the middle is a lot hotter than you expected, and not hot in a good way. Sarai has her arm across your stomach, almost like you're being guarded. Nayeli has her back to you, maybe looking for a colder spot on the bed or because she'd rather look away from you even in the darkness.\n\nIt takes a while, but you do manage to [[fall asleep]].

As the supposed "hero of your people," there are things you can and cannot say.\n\nWhen a fan cries to you about getting kicked out of his home for having a boyfriend, you want to tell him, "your parents are pieces of shit for doing that to you. You don't need them. They've made their decision. Are you near a city? Find a youth shelter. Shelters for gay youth exist."\n\nBut your publicist requires you to lie, "your parents <<replace "are pieces of shit for doing that to you.">><<set $part1 = true>>are trying to look out for you.<<endreplace>> <<replace "You don't need them.">><<set $part2 = true>>They'll come around.<<endreplace>> <<replace "They've made their decision.">><<set $part3 = true>>Give them time to change their mind.<<endreplace>> <<replace "Are you near a city?">>Call them.<<set $part4 = true>><<endreplace>> <<replace "Find a youth shelter.">>Return home.<<set $part5 = true>><<endreplace>> <<replace "Shelters for gay youth exist.">>[[They love you]].<<set $part6 = true>><<endreplace>>"

"I can't come over tonight. I've got some stuff to take care of," she says. "I'll see you around?"\n\n"That's okay. See you later, Taya."\n\nYou hug her goodbye and then walk [[your separate ways]].

You tell yourself that there won't be a next time.\n\nYou take Sarai up on her offer.\n\nHer apartment has two bedrooms. You have yours to yourself.\n\nYour bedroom's empty, save for a poster of some Asian calligraphy arranged in the shape of a tree. Her roommate took all her furniture with her when she left. The closest thing you have to a bed is a wooden floor and a pile of blankets.\n\nThe rest of the apartment is clean, but that may be a result of there not being many things in it. The couch is long enough for several people to sit on it. The legs look like they've been clawed or chewed, maybe both. It faces a TV with the latest video game console hooked up to it. You forgot its name as soon as Sarai said it.\n\nThe kitchen's well-stocked with pots, pans, utensils, a rice cooker, a crock pot, and a bunch of other tools you can't make heads or tails of. Years of mooching off of friends and going to the dining hall meant that you could avoid learning how to cook. Those days [[might be over]] now.

"It's restrictive. We should be trusted enough to keep ourselves safe," Taya says.\n\n"Why the hell did you enter this relationship then, if you knew you weren't going to be happy with the way it's run? We told you everything upfront." Nayeli says. "We didn't hide a single thing."\n\n"Because I fell harder for you idiots than I realized. You swept me off my feet. Card tricks and guitar...what the fuck?" Taya sighs. "Isn't that how falling in love works? Our pretenses fade away... We make exceptions for people..."\n\n"Were you happy?" You ask her.\n\nTaya gives it some thought. "Yes, but only because it was them. I wouldn't have [[put up with it]] if I was with anyone else."

You go for it. <<set $starry = "yes">>\n\nIt doesn't take long for the heat to turn up. In the pitch black, it's like your other senses have heightened to make up for the darkness. You keep her close, flush up against you as you kiss and let your hands wander.\n\nAs she does the same, you hope you're too her liking. You hope you're soft in the right places, that she appreciates your shape and overall feel. You <<replace "want">>have<<endreplace>> to be good. You <<replace "want">>have<<endreplace>> to be memorable. <<replace "You want her to want you again.">>[[She must want to have you again.|SleepA]]<<endreplace>>

"All it is that I want you to do those things so I can feel more comfortable," Sarai continues. "We should all be happy, and this is something that'll make me feel better. I'm still getting used to this being a quad set-up instead of a triangle-line one like it was before."\n\n"It was your idea to make it into a quad," Nayeli brings up.\n\n"She's allowed to doubt herself." Taya says.\n\n"Um...if you guys want to talk this out, I can wait in my room."\n\n"No, you should be here for this." Sarai stops you from leaving. "We're [[figuring out the boundaries]] here."

"Taya was the best choice for this," you explain.\n\nNayeli scoffs at that. "And why's that?"\n\n"She just does, okay?" You shouldn't have to defend yourself like this. Why's she blowing up on you anyway?\n\n"Because she comes from an Ivy League family? Because she's a nice, respectable girl?" Nayeli spits out. "Bullshit!"\n\n"I am nice." Taya jumps in. "I'm nicer than you."\n\n"It's Taya, and that's it." You can't go back and change [[who you picked|scoffs]], even if you'd wanted to.

"Get down off of your soapbox, Sarai," Taya says. "Jerri's not going to cure polyphobia. That's not her job. She's a gay singer. A lesbian singer."\n\n"She's a poly lesbian singer," Sarai insists.\n\n"Not to the press and all her fans. You're acting like you tell everyone about your poly status."\n\nSarai holds up her wrist and points to the braided blue, red, and black striped bracelet on it. "People know."\n\n"Only poly people would know what those colors mean, not the public-at-large. How are they supposed to know those aren't your favorite colors?"\n\n"Then Jerri should wear a poly pride bracelet. She'd subtly [[stand with us]] that way."

You lay on your couch when you get home, looking up at the ceiling. Your muscles are sore. Nayeli's rummaging around in the kitchen.\n\n"Today's the day I turned 72." Saying it out loud makes it feel more real.\n\n"Weren't you 75 the other day?"\n\n"Yeah, I must've gotten featured on some website or something. [[Who knows]]?"

"It's bullshit that you picked anyone at all. No one said you had to have a relationship, did they?"\n\nOh. You hadn't thought of it that way. "...I guess not. My manager already knew about Taya and it made sense. I asked her for advice on where to take her out."\n\n"Heh, I had a feeling you didn't pick that place on your own." Taya says.\n\n"So it all worked out this way," you go on. "I didn't want to lie to Shannon and say I was single. I'm nowhere near single."\n\n"If this is the stage you want to die on, be my guest." Nayeli turns away from you. "Fuck it."\n\n"I don't think that's the right expression," Sarai says to her. "I think it's something else..."\n\nTaya pulls you aside while Sarai and Nayeli chat among themselves. "If you don't want to stay here, I can get a hotel for us. Some space away from the situation might be good for everyone. We'd get cool down time."\n\n*[[Leave][$hotel = true]].\n*[[Stay][$no_hotel = true]].\n

<<set $stayed_third = true>>"I'm sorry, Sarai...I have to break up with you. I'm staying with Taya," you say.\n\nTaya lets out a happy breath of air. "Thank God."\n\n"I understand. I knew you'd be leaving me so...[[it's okay|endmoment]]," Sarai says.

"She kept it a secret from us too," Taya shrugs.\n\n"It's possible Nayeli won't know until she steps on the stage. She does that sometimes," Sarai says.\n\nYou yawn in your seat.\n\nTaya says, "I can get you a coffee if you're falling asleep."\n\n"I cut caffeine out of my diet. It's not the best thing to be drinking all the time..." Then again, you don't want to fall asleep before Nayeli gets on stage. If you do that, you might accidentally sleep all the way through her performance too.\n\n*[[Get coffee|coffee]].\n*[[Don't get coffee|nocoffee][$willpower = $willpower + 1]].

...Masturbating with a web cam aimed at her crotch.\n\n[[Shut the door and run away.]]

"The Pickford Top 100 chart is generated from several algorithms pulling in data from categories like your sales, social media presence, public relations, and overall star power. If you're not in the Top 100, you might as well be dead. It focuses solely on female solo pop singers." Shannon explains. "We'll get you on it after your debut. As you can see, you're in very good company. Do you ladies have any advice for our newest Estrella Girl?"\n\nLily Trilly says in a sing-song voice, "give it your all, no matter what!"\n\nRayna's more practical. "We were all in your shoes once. Things can get...rough at times, but you can't give up on yourself. The reason why we're here where we are is because [[we never gave up]]."

Ashley Evans bounces over to you, oblivious. She babbles on about her chart position. "There was a silver lining to that scandal after all! It's really given me that boost I needed."<<set $fired = true>>\n\n"Didn't work out that way for me." You shove your stuff into your duffle bag. You rip down the locker poster of Cameo Sarai gave to you as a joke.\n\n"Are you leaving?"\n\n"I got fired."\n\n"That's too bad..." There's something off about the way Ashley Evans is acting. You wonder if she had anything to do with that picture getting out there.\n\n*[[Ask her if she had a hand in it]].\n*[[Let it go|ASHLEY]].

"I'm a big one. You know, save the rain forests and all that." You smile.\n\n"I'll get the water running." Taya skips off to the bathroom. You hear the shower squeak on.\n\nYou switch your cellphone to its selfie mode and make sure you're looking okay. No food in your teeth. Nothing in your hair. Eyelashes curled the right amount. You contemplate some lip gloss, but you realize you haven't taken anything with you and you're about to get in the shower with her anyway, so...\n\nOh.\n\nA shower.\n\nA <html><i>shower</i></html>, that kind of shower. A two-person shower where you might be getting a little more dirty than clean.\n\nThis is really about to happen, isn't it?\n\nTaya calls you. "The water's hot!"\n\n[[It's going to get hotter.]]

They're as frozen as you are with anticipation. No one says anything. You step out of your clothes, making sure to do it as noisily as possible to make your intentions clear.\n\nYou want this.\n\nThey want you.\n\n"Aren't you forgetting someone?"<<set $threes = true>>\n\nSarai giggles. Nayeli moves over to [[give you room|Sleep.]] on the couch. You're in for a night...

They left the bedroom door open a crack, just enough for you to be able to see out without being seen. You're buzzing with excitement as you creep over to it. What would they do if they caught you? Invite you? <<if $starry or $starry2>>You didn't want to push your luck before, but an invitation is different.<<endif>>\n\nAnd if you were invited, how good would you be?\n\nWould you let them down? Would you be unable to keep up?\n\nThey've been together for so long that they were probably experts at each other's bodies. You'd be new and fumbly. And yes, you'd been with Sarai many, many times, but a threesome is different.\n\nYou haven't done [[your research]].

"I'm going to share the bed with Nayeli tonight," you say. <<if $starry>>You think you catch a twitch of a negative emotion in Sarai's eyes after you say that, but you hope you're wrong.<<endif>>\n\n"Are you sure?" Nayeli asks. She tilts her head.\n\n"Yeah."\n\n"Let me grab some blankets and I'll leave you two to it. Good night!" Sarai pushes you along.\n\n[[...|next]]

"I'm working on it." You take a bite out of your chicken thigh. "The video's got way more energy than the song. They want all of the dance moves to be big, big, big," you say with a sigh. "I have to stay on my A-game if I'm gonna pull this video off."\n\n"You can do it. I know you can!"\n\n"Thanks, girl."\n\n"[[Good luck|doubledate]]!"

<<if $stopcam>>"There's something else that has to stop too. Sarai, you have to stop drinking," Nayeli says.<<endif>><<if $request>>"Sarai, I'd like you to stop drinking," Nayeli says.<<endif>> "The last time you threw me to the ground. What's going to happen next time?"\n\n"I'm so sorry I did that. I wasn't in control of myself."\n\n"It has to stop. Whenever something goes wrong, you run to the bottle instead of talking to us." Nayeli tells her. "You have three people that are here to listen to you. Why are you drinking?"\n\n"It's because she likes being a hero. She likes having the whole world on her shoulders." Taya says. "Anyway, I don't think it's fair to tell Sarai to completely cut out drinking. It's not like she does it frequently. It's just when she's feeling down...and can't everyone [[use a pick-me-up]] when they're down?"

"What's that?" You ask.\n\n"NRE. It makes people do and say stupid things. It's that giddiness you get from being in a new relationship," Nayeli explains.\n\n"And the Primary and Secondary thing?"\n\n"I'll answer that," Taya cuts in. "It's a hierarchy system. One relationship gets held above all the others. That's the Primary one. And then there's the Secondary people who have got to go through all these rules and stuff just to get near anyone in the Primary relationship."\n\n"That's not exactly it... It's all in the name. You can have more than one Primary relationship. Same with the Secondary relationships," Nayeli adds. "All it is is that the Primary is king, queen, quing, or whatever. They're the most important, but that still doesn't mean your allowed to treat your Secondaries like they're shit."\n\n"What's a quing?"\n\n"It doesn't matter. I'm not making this into a [[Primary/Secondary]] situation," Sarai says.

"No one's leaving you in the dust," you tell her. "It's not good to compare yourself like that. Remember what you said on our first date? Don't think about everyone else or something like that?"\n\n"It was easier to do that back then." Taya shakes her head. "Anyway, let's go back to what we were talking about before. [[Why me|okok]] instead of one of them?"

You roll over and go back to bed. You don't need to get yourself involved in that.\n\n[[Sleep.]]

<html><span color'#45850F'>Nowhere Near Single</span></html>

You let Taya buy you a cup of something with a strong espresso shot. It's warm and more than welcome.\n\nThe girl with the guitar/drum gts off the stage. The announcer comes on. He cracks a couple of bad puns that have the audience groaning, then announces Nayeli to the stage.\n\nShe steps up to the mic, all cool and [[confidence]].

"How long have you been playing music for? Are you self-taught?"\n\n"...That's what you want to know?" Nayeli yawns the last word. "What a boring question. Okay, I started out on the cello. I had private lessons for that until shit happened."\n\n"Like what?"\n\n"You'd have to get me drunk to talk about it," she evades. "Anyway, I switched over to the guitar. One of my friends had a spare one he didn't want to play anymore. From there, I did the bass and tried a little viola for shits and giggles." You picture a little Nayeli in her elementary school orchestra. It's a cuter image than you'd like to admit, and an inaccurate one based on the timeline of events she just laid down. "Piano's entirely self-taught. It took me years to not look like a monkey playing that thing."\n\n"I had piano lessons until I plateaued."\n\n"Maybe I can push you over the edge."\n\n"Sounds scary."\n\n"Don't worry. I'll catch you," she smiles. And there's just something about her smiling and saying that that makes you [[kiss her]] before you realize what you're doing.

You leap off of the bus as soon as it gets to your stop. You push your way through a sea of people in the plaza. Because the bus got stuck in traffic, you're cutting it close to your start time.\n\nCutting it close...\n\nShannon's war swords will be cutting <html><i>you</i></html> close if you don't [[keep running with everything that you have]].

"The bed."\n\n"You got it," Taya [[smirks]].

"Nice tattoo. Where did you get it?"\n\n"On my arm," she says, not making eye contact. You glance at Sarai, wondering if that was supposed to be a joke or her way of getting you to shut up. She's no help. She's too busy adding more salt to her ziti.\n\n"Yeah, the one on your arm. It's a cool tattoo."\n\n"Thanks." You think you see the trace of a smile on her lips but it's probably only your [[imagination|yep]].

Everyone claps for the guitar/drum girl. The announcer appears to make a couple of jokes and bad puns that has everyone in the coffee shop groaning before he announces who's next.\n\n"Can I have Pussy Lovers Anonymous to the stage?"\n\nPeople laugh at the name. Taya's laughing the loudest of all, her face turning bright red. Nayeli makes a slicing motion over her neck with her finger. Sarai pats you on the shoulder. You're glad you're wearing a mask so no one can see how embarassed you are.\n\nYou follow Nayeli to the stage, carefully carrying her guitar. You sit on the stool and double-check that the guitar's in tune while she steps up to the mic.\n\n"Hi, we're PLA, and we're dedicating this performance to a pair of special ladies in the back," she says.\n\nSomeone [[whistles]].

"Accepting help isn't shameful," you tell her. "We're your support network. Why put yourself through a job that you don't have to do? Why hurt us like that?"<<set $stopcam = true>>\n\n"So you'd rather me hurt myself?" Nayeli asks.\n\n"You're not a single girl. Stop acting like no one cares about you," Taya says, exasperated.\n\n"I don't mind helping you get back on your feet." Sarai says.\n\n"The longer I'm away from school and music, the harder they both seem." Nayeli says. "I don't have any skills other than music, and nobody's hiring. It's like I have no other options. Being a camgirl, that's fast money. Not always easy but it's fast and it pays when the right members are around."\n\n"Is it the job that's important to you, or the feeling of [[not having to depend on others]]?" You ask.

It's Friday. You drop your backpack down in Taya's dorm room. The room's clearly divided in half. One side's decorated in pink and white and the other's a calmer yellow shade. It seems like they couldn't come to an agreement on how they wanted the room to be. The bed on the yellow side's unmade. Its desk is extremely neat, though, with stacks of business textbooks. There's a toy frog on top of the pile. He's wearing a king's crown.\n\nA poster of an alien, monster, and an astronaut hangs above the desk.\n\nThe bed on the pink and white side's made, but the desk is in slight disarray. It's got pens, pencils, and everything someone would need for a late night study session. You spy a granola bar. There's also stacks of business textbooks on it. If you were them, you would've shared the costs of books somehow, but they've got obvious problems in here.\n\nThere's a few pictures of a happy family taped above the desk.\n\n"This takes me way back to when I was in college," you say. "Hey, can I guess which desk is yours?"\n\n"Sure. There's a prize in it for you if you get it right."\n\nYou take a guess...\n\n*[[The neat desk on the yellow side.]]\n*[[The slightly messy desk on the pink and white side.]]

It takes them twenty minutes to perfect your face and layer the blush just right. You've never had this many people fawn over you before, but you'll have to get used to it. It's part of the business.\n\nYour figure's hidden under cherubic ruffles colored a generic blue.\n\nAlthough this is only a photoshoot, there's a micophone in your hand. You hold it to your face and [[sing]].

<<if $threes>><<set $tired = true>>"Um..." You wish you had rehearsed what you were going to say. You should've taken some time to practice in the bathroom. "This may sound weird, but are you guys, like, happy with me and stuff?"\n\n"Yes." Sarai doesn't hesitate to say something.\n\nNayeli's voice is tired, but she joins in with a "no shit."\n\n"Then why aren't we—" You falter, then try again. "Why don't we ever do it together, the three of us?"\n\n"You mean fuck?" You appreciate Nayeli's bluntness.\n\n"Yeah. We did it together once and that was it. [[What's up]]?"<<endif>><<if $starry == true and $threes is not true>><<set $tired = true>>You're not sure how to go about saying it. You decide to take an angle.\n\n"Have you guys ever had...bedroom time with Taya? All at once."\n\nNayeli mumbles, "that's Taya's business." She rolls over.\n\n"Are you guys into threesomes in general? Aren't they a big part of being poly?" Orgies are supposedly par for the course.\n\n"Not every relationship is like that," Sarai answers you.\n\n"Polyships are however the people that are in them want them to be." Nayeli says. "They're all different. Why, do you want to have a threesome?"\n\nSarai laughs. "You're so blunt."\n\n"Someone has to ask her. How about you? You've been wanting one since before this started and [[don't you dare lie]]," she says to Sarai. "Stop dicking around already."<<endif>><<if not $starry>>How do you even start to bring this up? <html><i>You're not having sex with me and I demand to know why?</i></html> Who says things like that?\n\nYou, apparently.\n\n"Nayeli, are you asleep? We need to talk."\n\n"I'm awake. What?"\n\nSarai checks, "should I go?" You tell her no. She can stay for this. Hopefully her presence inspires [[more strength]] in you.<<endif>>

Dinner goes without incident. The discussion about the rules scrubbed away most of the tension. Later that night, after the dishes have been washed, Taya's gone home, and you've brushed your teeth, you return to the living room.\n\nGone are the dinnertime smiles. Their faces have sobered up, gone serious as they speak to you one at a time.\n\n"We don't want to put you on the spot or anything..." Sarai starts. \n\n"...But we want to go on your speed or whatever, so it's up to you. I don't care what you pick," Nayeli finishes.\n\n"What would you like the sleeping arrangements to be tonight? Only one person can fit on the couch and three will be a tight fit on the bed."\n\nNayeli busies herself with picking at [[the arm of the couch]].

"I always make time for the women in my life. They're how I have fun," she winks. "And video games. I spend a lot of time in front of screens. I used to be obsessed with RTS games but I had to dial it way back when I got to college."\n\n"Do you mean RPGs?" You think you've heard of those. Isn't that when people dress up like medieval knights?\n\n"No, they're way different. They're on two different planets. I'm talking about real-time strategy games. RPGs are too slow for me. I need something more exciting." Taya says. "I like being overwhelmed, so overwhelmed that I go absolutely crazy. It's invigorating."\n\n"By video games?"\n\n"What do you think?"\n\n"Yeah...?" You wonder if you missed something.\n\nTaya slides her chopsticks out of their wrapper. "Do you know how to [[use these]]? How good are you with your hands?"

Once Nayeli is gone, Taya breaks out into a fit of laughter. You can't tell if she's laughing out of stress or amusement.\n\n"What were we talking about again?" Taya recovers enough to start talking. "Right, right, [[the date|continuation]]. Hm..."

"And of them too. But it's not new. Their haterade was in them the whole time," Taya says bitterly.\n\n"Do you think they still hate you for it?"\n\n"It's the only black mark on the otherwise perfect-on-paper life they think I have."\n\nThe waitress shows up again with the rolls. She lays them out around your table. They look heavenly. They're plated in lines, drizzled with a light sauce. You try a sweet potato roll first. There's a chew and a crunch to it, but a good one. It's close to a soft candy.\n\nTaya takes one and dips it into her soy sauce bowl before eating it. When she happily leans back in her seat, you know you're going to have to thank Shannon again for telling you about the sweet potato rolls.\n\n"How about the polyamory? Do they know about that?" You ask her [[out of curiosity]].

You meet your manager in her office. Four young women stand poised, at attention, by her desk. Collectively, their ages can't average more than 23. You wonder if one of them is in high school, she looks so fresh-faced. Shannon motions for you to sit down.\n\n"Jerri, these are the Estrella Girls in my cadre. You're joining a fine cohort, one that is known for its excellence and hard work." Shannon leans her elbows on her desk. "Some managers in this company may let certain things slide, but I never do. This is why this cohort has been able to successfully rank up so fast.\n\n"We have our second newest member, Ashley Evans, already at Rank 93 on the Pickford Top 100 Chart. Then, we have Rayna, Rank 54, on a comeback after a two year hiatus. Miya K at Rank 43, known for singing on the soundtracks for some popular Estrella Entertainment cartoons. And finally, we have Lily Trilly, Rank 38, particularly popular with our younger demographic."\n\nYou didn't recognize them out of their glitz and glam at irst, but these girls are no joke. You can't walk into a Claire's without hearing a Lily Trilly song, and Miya K has been featured in national ad campaigns. Rayna had a hit song a few years back that was featured in all sort of movie trailers.\n\n[[You shake their hands one by one.]]

"You're late on that one, Jerri. I've been your girlfriend." Taya takes the lid off her smoothie to stir it up more.\n\n"In the public eye."\n<<if $avoid_3>>\n"Funny how things change. Fucking figures," she mutters under her breath. Louder, she says, "now everything's okay because it'll help your career?"\n\n"It's not like that. It's a good thing for us," you say.<<endif>>\n\n"Why me? Why not Sarai or Nayeli? Sarai's responsible. She's a fine wine, y'know? I barely know how to adult. I'm fucking cola." She points out. "Nayeli's a musician already. It would help both of your careers at once if you picked her. You can duet and everything.\n\n"School's making it hard enough as it is for me to <<if $threes>>[[be the girlfriend you need|ahhhh]]<<else>>[[be the girlfriend you need|okok]]<<endif>> me to be."

<<if $stayed_third>>You make as much time for Taya as you can. Movie dates where you're not doing a whole lot of watching the movie. Trips to art museums where you both take turns mimicking the paintings. Nights getting dressed up just for fun and not going anywhere at all. There's something about Taya that you can't get enough of. <<if $company>>The public eats it up.<<endif>>\n\nShe's there for you on nights where work stresses you out too much, with candles and a back massage. You're there for her when school's gotten too much and she needs someone to cuddle with. <<if $love3>>Is that what being in love means?<<endif>>\n\nOne day, Taya's going to become something powerful. You'll find her featured in a magazine or on television, the CEO of an investment company or something like that. And you hope you'll be by her side, just as powerful in another field.\n\n[[You know it will happen|andyou]].<<else>>You've lost contact with Taya. It hurt at first, but as time went on, you understood why. <<if $thank3>>She's the girl who told you she loved you and you said thank you.<<endif>> <<if $love3>>She's the girl you said, "I love you" to and then shattered her heart into pieces.<<endif>> You let her down. She considered you her world, and you crushed her.\n\nYou know she's going to become something powerful some day. You'll read about her in Forbes magazine or find her featured in a "30 under 30" article about movers and shakers in the city. She'll become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. She'll move on to something great.\n\n[[You know she will|andyou]].<<endif>>

You can feel Taya smiling into the kiss.<<set $kiss_3>>\n\n"Hey, if you don't want this night to end yet," you tell her, "then neither do I."\n\nShe places her finger on your bottom lip. "Not so fast. This is all part of the dance. I'm going back to my dorm alone."\n\n"Alright, that's not a problem with me," you say. "Do you want me to walk you back to the station?"\n\n"That'd be great, thanks." She hugs you, and you start walking together, [[laughing all the way]].

<<if $route_a>>Is it fair for you to take the bed a second night in a row? But then again, the couch is bound to cause you problems you shouldn't have during practice. You have to protect yourself, and they are letting you choose.<<endif>><<if $route_b>>The last time you took the couch, your back acted up during practice. Can you afford to put it through that kind of stress again? It's your choice.<<endif>>\n\n*[[Take the couch.]]\n*[[Take the bed with both of them.]]\n*[[Take the bed with Sarai only.]]\n*[[Take the bed with Nayeli only.]]

Shannon says you're getting stagnant. Everyone understands that you're cute, but you've got to develop more sides to yourself. The marketing team has to figure out what your other side will be. It's too soon for you to make the transition from cute to sexy.\n\nYou don't want to be stuck in a rut. You may have to come up with something on your own.\n\nTaya sits next to you on the couch, highlighting pages in her textbook. In the bedroom, Nayeli is writing a song about sunrises. She finger picks the melody.\n\n"I hate watching myself on TV," you complain.\n\n"That's no good," Taya says without looking up from her book. "[[You're everywhere]]."

<<if $noconference>>A week later, y<<else>>Y<<endif>>ou watch yourself on television, dressed to the nines. You stood at the podium, fielding question after question<<if $noconference>> at your rescheduled press conference<<endif>>. At first, they wre soft ball questions about how things have been going for you at Estrella Entertainment. <<if $noconference>>They got progressively harsher as time went on.<<endif>>\n\nThen someone asked you <html><i>that</i></html> question:\n\n"Who was she?"\n\nNayeli... Your publicist warned you to distance yourself from her as much as possible. What did you call her to the reporter?\n\n*[["A mistake."][$mistake = true]]\n*[["My other girlfriend."][$othergirlfriend = true]]

"Our research team was able to confirm that the LGBTQ movement is trending. We're going to embrace it for your image." Shannon says. "Your next song will be more in line with LGBTQ ideals. A love song, perhaps. How photogenic is your girlfriend?"\n\n"Very," you guess.\n\n"We could drum up 'paparazzi' to follow you around."\n\n"Isn't that supposed to happen naturally?"\n\n"We need a way for people to start talking. Photographs are a nice way to do that. Besides," Shannon tells you. "No real paparazzi would chase around a 97."\n\n"I don't know if I'm ready for this sort of thing."\n\n"We could arrange for you to speak somewhere about it. You need more impact than social media can provide." Shannon types in something else. "That, and we need to get you working on your next single. We'll do all of those things in conjunction so you can rise in rank. Maybe we can even get you [[some sponsors]]."

"You can't sleep out here tonight," you tell her. "You're going to have to come back and face everyone."\n\n"What's the point?" Nayeli says. "Taya wasn't wrong about me. There's only two things I'm good for.<<if $starry>> You should know that. You slept with me the first chance that you had."\n\n"There's nothing wrong with that. I liked it. We both consented. So what's the problem?"<<else>>"\n\n"Those aren't the only things you're about."<<endif>>\n\nNayeli sighs. "Being 'sex and music' is fine for friends or whatever, but a girlfriend? I should be more than that for the three of you. I should be more than a body. I fucked up."\n\n*[[Blame yourself for this]].\n*[[Let the blame rest with Nayeli]].

No, it's better if you leave it alone. It's not yours and you don't want to do anything to piss Nayeli off.\n\n[[You lay down on the couch.|tayaintro]]

"I won't go. It's not like they'll miss me or anything. I'm one star among many," you say. "I'll tell Shannon I got sick or something."<<set $noconference = true>>\n\nTaya hugs you close. "[[Thank you]] so much."

"You know what else has a lot of space? This one." She held the deck in one hand, splitting it in half expertly and turning the two piles. A card slid out from between them. "Catch it."\n\nThe card shot into your hand. You turned it over to its face.\n\nIt was an Ace of Hearts with SARAI GREEN, CALL ME, and a phone number on it.\n\nYou spent your [[first date]] together berating her for her cheeseyness.

You learn why the next morning when Shannon calls you into her office. The way she called you in reminded you of being called for a detention in high school. Someone would call the classroom telephone, and then the teacher would tell you to go to the office. The same thing happened with you and your vocal coach.\n\n"Is this about me slacking off during practice?" You take a stab in the dark.\n\n"You've been doing fine during practice. That's not the problem that I'm addressing today. It's about what you've been doing outside of practice that's [[the problem]]."

"Let's all share the bed."\n\nIt's interesting being able to compare their reactions. Nayeli's frozen. Sarai looks like she is ready to hug-tackle you the first second she gets.\n\n"I call the middle!" Sarai says.\n\n"Would it be more fair for Jerri to have the middle?" Nayeli speaks with the most disinterested voice possible. You're starting to wonder if you're ever going to figure this girl out.\n\n"What about you? Do you want the middle?"\n\n"No, I'd rather die. The middle makes me feel too trapped."\n\n"It's up to you then. I'm just happy that we're doing this, so either option works for me."\n\n*[[Take the middle.]]\n*[[Let Sarai be in the middle.]]

"You know what I mean," Taya says. "You can't mess with people's emotions like that."\n\n<<if $stayed_with_first>>"What were you guys up to while you were gone?" You ask.\n\n"We did a lot of talking." Nayeli looks over at Taya for support. "We tried to figure out if this arrangement is really a good thing for us at this point in time."\n\n"I've been thinking about it, too. There's not much else I can think about," Sarai says.<<else>>"What have you been doing while we were gone, Sarai?" You ask.\n\n"I've been doing a lot of thinking about the four of us as a group."\n\n"So have we," Nayeli says.\n\n"It was impossible for me not to think about, no matter how hard I tried."<<endif>>\n\nShe goes on, "we obviously went wrong somewhere. I wish I could figure out [[when and where]]."

"Heh, I'm ready for it. I'll be getting famous without all of the extra work. Why the hell not go for it?" She passes you the menu. "I might not ever get a chance like this again. I've got to take it."\n\nYou scan the list for something to eat. You wonder if tonight's special enough to throw your dietary restrictions to the wind.\n\n*[[Mandarin shrimp salad.|foodtime][$willpower + 1]]\n*[[Roast beef with fried onions and a side of mashed potatoes.|foodtime]]\n*[[Medium-rare cheeseburger with onion rings and barbeque sauce.|foodtime]]

"Anyways...you went to school? For what?"\n\n"I wasn't there for very long. I dropped out. My own dreams were too important for me to keep denying." You say. "I was a Chemistry major."\n\n"Oh, jeez, Chemistry of all things. I get why you quit. I took an Intro to Chemistry class and it kicked my ass. I had to drop it."\n\n"Was that a requirement?"\n\n"We needed to take at least two science classes. I took Physics, instead. It was better." Taya says. "Do you feel like you're lucky, Jerri? You went after your dreams and it worked out for you."\n\n"It's not all luck. There's a lot of hard work involved. It's not enough to be a good singer." And you know that there's [[more work]] to come.

Taya taps the table. "Let me tell you something I'll tell you a hundred times if I have to. I'm not interested in, and will not ever be interested in a pity fuck. That's not my style." She grimaces. "I'm not as crazed for it as certain people...just wave a little sex in their faces and they come charging like bulls on red."<<set $bull = true>>\n\n"It's not red that the bulls go after. It's the movement."\n\n"Whatever, you get what I mean."\n\n"I guess so. I'm sorry."\n\n"Yeah, let's just get back to what you were saying before. Why'd you [[pick me|okok]]?"

You come home to an air of unease. Taya's sitting on the couch, her gaze downcast. The bedroom door's closed. Two empty whiskey bottles sit on the coffee table in front of her.\n\n"What's going on? Did you drink those?"\n\n"No... I don't know. They locked the door and won't let me in."\n\nYou bang on the bedroom door. There's no answer.\n\nTaya says, "they're not answering their phones."\n\nYou press your ear to he door. "It sounds quiet in there. Maybe the door got stuck and they're out somewhere."\n\n"You can't be that naïve, can you?" Taya sighs.\n\n"We'll [[wait]], then."

That gets under your skin. "So what if I'm a pop singer? That doesn't mean you get to say things like that. I do treat my guitars with respect, and it's nasty that you even said that." Your face burns as you speak. "I worked my ass off to get where I am. It wasn't easy."\n\nNayeli raises her shoulders, then slowly lowers them. "Good for you. Mind turning out the lights and getting in bed? There's more than enough room for both of us to do whatever. It's a queen."\n\n"Ha," you let out a nervous laugh. "Do whatever, um, together?"\n\n"Shit, I didn't mean it like that...unless you want to. I don't care. Sarai practically gave us the green light to do it."\n\n"Do you think [[she wants us to]]?"

Taya leaps off of the couch. She stands in front of her. "You need to get out of here. Sarai's about to go on a rampage."\n\n"You bet your ass I'm about to. Give her the fucking phone, Jerri."\n\nYou toss it over to Nayeli. She scans it over, looking more and more ill the longer she looks. "What's this...? This isn't true. They made this shit up about me!" She moves around Taya.\n\n"Stop lying. There's pictures, you dumb bitch." Sarai says. "I had a feeling you were prostituting yourself. Whose cock did you suck for your piano, huh?"\n\nYou hear the [[SLAP]] before you know it's happened.

"I hope I didn't make a mistake by introducing you guys," Sarai says, frowning.\n\n"You didn't."\n\n"Look at you, though. I'm not doing a good job of protecting you."\n\nYour head hurts too much for you to go on with this conversation. You [[doze off]].

"Does it matter what her answer is? Everything's gonna happen on its own pace," Taya interrupts you before you can say anything. "Let everything happen naturally and shake out in its own way. Huzzah, the end, congratulations. We've solved the puzzle."\n\n"Is that it? We're done then, right?" Nayeli asks.\n\n"Thank God that's settled." Sarai's relieved.\n\n"Jerri and I are going on a date this weekend if anyone else wants to come along."\n\n"No thanks. I'll take Sarai out somewhere else." Nayeli says.\n\n"Ooh, but we can finally double date! No more awkward third wheeling." Taya cheers.\n\n"What are you talking about? We've never had a third wheel." Nayeli sighs. "You're always making shit up..."\n\nSarai jumps in before their conversation takes a turn. "Hey Taya, are you [[staying for dinner]]?"

You don't say anything. You shut off the lights and crawl into bed.\n\n* [[Stay on your side.]]\n* [[Move over to Nayeli's.]]

Nayeli interjects, "it's all bullshit, especially the fact that you picked Taya."\n\n"What the fuck? You need to chill." Taya snaps at her.\n\n*[[Defend your decision]].\n*[[Stand down]].

"They don't get it," she pauses to eat some more sushi. "The way they see it is that I'm a single woman dating around, and that's it. It's like I've got a bunch of longterm flings. I don't think they'll ever see any of my girlfriends as serious and that's just...I try not think about it. How about you?"\n\n"I'm sort of new to being poly. I was more like the way that your parents see you. Lots of casual relationships all at once. I couldn't see myself settling down with one person. I still don't. Who wants that much pressure?" You rub a sushi into a line of sauce. "So yeah, I've been polyamorous by practice for years and polyamorous by name for a week."\n\n"Babypoly."\n\n"Is that like babydyke?"\n\n"Yep, you're like a babypolydyke."\n\n*[[Agree]].\n*[[Disagree]].

"He's a she." You take the plunge and a frequency noise goes through your head. "He's a she and she's great. A lot of fun." You can't stop talking once you get started. "I don't know a lot about her yet, but she seems really nice. She's a business—"\n\n"Are you a lesbian, bisexual, or a straight girl who's flexible?"\n\n"There's more options than that..."\n\n"Which one are you? What's your identity?"\n\nYou've never been asked that point-blank like that. "[[Lesbian]]."

"I promise," you say.<<set $yes_promise>>\n\nTaya's quiet. "I never make promises, no matter who they're for."\n\n"I promise too," Nayeli says.\n\n"Thank you," Sarai says, [[wiping her eyes|airtime]].

100. Ikki Panda\n99. Wen\n98. Sam Hightower\n97. Scottie Dayne\n96. Petula\n95. Greta Edwards\n94. Joan Coolidge\n<html><b>93. Ashley Evans</b></html>\n92. Kiki Page\n91. Marnie and the Spades\n90. N2U\n89. Sarah Twig\n88. Ir3ne\n87. Yvonne Johnson\n86. Live Wire\n85. Senorita Jamison\n84. Snacks for Two\n83. Natalie I-C\n82. Warri\n81. Vanessa Miles\n\n<html><b>100-81</b></html> >> [[80-60]]

Some time later, on a cold night, you borrow Sarai and Nayeli's computer to search for "Jerri +singer +Estrella +Girl." You're trying to find any mentions of your name on blog sites, social networks, Estrella Girl wiki pages, all of that.\n\nSarai puts her head on your shoulder. "I thought the rule was to never look at the comments."\n\n"It's part of my job," you explain. "I have to read this stuff in order to know if I have to pivot in any way."\n\nNayeli pipes up from the corner of the room, "tell the comments to fuck off." She's restringing her guitar.\n\n"Amazing advice from our lovely dear Nayeli. You've got a way with words," Sarai laughs.\n\n"No, seriously, your integrity's at stake or whatever. Don't change because of a bunch of comments. Do your own thing." Nayeli tests out the E string.\n\n"Tighten that," you say.\n\n"Got it."\n\n*[[Don't read the comments ever.|oldman][$comments_no = true]]\n*[[Read comments regularly.|oldman][$comments_yes = true]]

It's because of those meetings with the Estrella Entertainment Executives, the ones where they looked you up and down to see if you were truly Estrella material. They couldn't take your manager's word for it. They had to know for sure if they were going to pour tons of money into making you an Estrella Girl.\n\n[[You passed the test.|sing]]

"You're shouldering too much," Nayeli says.\n\n"That's because Sarai likes feeling like the hero," Taya explains.\n\n"Watch it. We're not fighting today." You warn her. <<if $quit or $fired>>"Anyways, my career won't be a problem anymore. It's over.<<endif>> <<if $quit>>I quit. I couldn't take it anymore.<<endif>><<if $fired>>They fired me. I wasn't what they wanted.<<endif>><<if $quit or $fired>>"\n\nNayeli's shocked into silence. Taya says, "that sucks." How eloquent of her.\n\n"It hasn't fully hit me yet... No more waking up in the mornings to get to Estrella. No more makeup teams. No more red carpet treatment. No more of that pressure to be a role model." You sigh, "I'm a regular person now."\n\n"I'm sorry," Sarai says.\n\n"We can talk about this later. This isn't as important as the conversation we're having right now," you say.<<endif>> <<if $quit and $mistake>>"One quick thing, though. I'm sorry for ever calling you a mistake, Nayeli. It wasn't true, and it hurts that that's the idea ha people will have in their head."\n\n"Whatever. You were forced to say that," Nayeli says, regaining her voice. "What could you do? Nothing."<<endif>>\n\nThere's more [[razor's edge silence]] as you stare at one another.

Nayeli's tapping on her phone so rapidly that at first you think she's playing a game. Is she writing [[a novel|might be over]]?

"I've got some errands to run, so I'll be going," Sarai says.\n\n"I should get going too. Homework." Taya says.\n\n"I'm going to finish working on my song. Yeah," Nayeli says.\n\n"Um...it's time for me to go on a run."<<if $stayed_first_third>><<set $stayed_first = true>><<set $stayed_third = true>><<endif>>\n\nYou go in [[your own directions|...]].

Nayeli shrugs. "Dunno. I've gotta get to sleep. G'night."\n\nAt least you were able to get in a conversation that long before she had to go to bed.\n\nBaby steps.\n\n"Good night." You make yourself as comfortable as you can.\n\n[[Sleep.|SleepB][$backpain = true]]

You're feeling close to death at lunchtime. Luckily, Ashley Evans is with you to help cheer you up.\n\n<<if $backpain or $backpain2>>"Is something wrong? You keep flinching every time you move..." She looks at you, concerned. "I know a good chiropractor!"\n\n"No, it's okay. I just had a rough night on the couch, that's all. It's catching up to me."\n\n"Oh no, you can't do stuff like that. You owe it to your fans to take care of yourself." Ashley Evans sticks a straw into her strawberry milk carton.\n\n"That's easy for you to say. You've got fans."\n\n"You'll get some too soon. All you have to do is [[debut|hqtuff]]."<<else>>"When do practices get any easier?" You groan.\n\nAshley Evans sticks a straw into her strawberry milk. "Want me to be real with you?"\n\n"Yes."\n\n"Never!" She laughs. Every second of her laughter feels like a stab to your heart. You need to get in [[shape|hqtuff]].<<endif>>

"That's the way to be!" Ashley Evans says, not caring about how loud she is at all. "You've got the [[whole world|fear]] ahead of you."

"I love you too."<<set $love3 = true>>\n\nYour heart sounds in your ears. When was the last time you said that and meant it?\n\nTaya moves closer and presses her lips against yours. The kiss is slow. It makes you feel dizzy. When she moves away, you see that her eyes are shining with tears.\n\n"I'm so happy," she says.\n\nYou grab her hand. "Taya..."\n\n"Yeah?"\n\n"Is there any way we can get out from under the blanket now? I love you but it's like a sauna in here." You like the way that word sounds on your tongue. Love.\n\n"Yes, [[silly]]. C'mon."

"I'm sorry. I have to go," you tell her.<<set $yesconference = true>>\n\n"That's okay. I'll invite Sarai over instead."\n\n"Ouch. That's nice of you."\n\n"Nice? That's just how it is. If you can't be there for me, why can't I call on someone else to take your place?" Taya asks.\n\n"You didn't have to say it in such a shitty way. Whatever..."\n\n"You've been around Nayeli too much," she says.\n\n"Is there something wrong with that?"\n\n"No, not really. It [[doesn't matter|Thank you]]." She drops it.

"Sorry, we have to break up."\n\nNayeli shrugs. "Whatever. There must've been something missing for us. I'm okay with [[never knowing|itsover]]." Is she really?

Night number one and already sharing a bed with someone who may or may not <<replace "hate your guts">>think you're a worthless bug<<becomes>>want you out of her life as soon as possible<<endreplace>>?\n\nNo, thanks. You'd have to be a brave soul to agree to [[that|take my half]].

"That's a stupid wish," Taya tells her. "Even if it came true, what would happen after that?"\n\n"I could use that knowlege to work towards keeping us together...or for a future relationship if this is the end," Sarai explains. "I love you guys, but I also know that the best thing for you might be for you to let me go. I drove a wedge into things.\n\n"I can be whatever you want me to be. A friend or something more. I'll always love you, even if you don't love me anymore," she has to stop to look away. Her eyes fill up with tears. "I don't want to be cut out of your lives. Please, promise me you won't."\n\nNayeli grips the edge of her chair, as if she's fighting against an urge to get up and comfort Sarai. You do your best to resist, as well.\n\n"Do you promise?" Sarai chokes out.\n\n*[[Promise][$yes_promise = true]].\n*[[Don't promise][$no_promise = true]].

You get up. You feel the power of song surging through you.\n\n"I've got to sing!"\n\nNayeli grabs you and tells you not to do it. <<if $willpower >= 2>>You struggle on the inside for, like, a split second and then fall onto the couch. There's a pillow there that you've got to talk to. It's got the coolest pattern in it and it's so soft.<<else>>You do it anyway. How can anyone deny the power of music? It's way above the power of friendship on the importance scale. You belt out one of your songs. It's the one most appropriate to this moment, all about having fun and being in love with everyone. Life's beautiful. Taya screeches along with your song. Cute.\n\nNayeli stops your song by shoving a pillow in your face. You rub your cheek against it. It's soft, which is pretty cool. You like the pattern that's weaved into it.<<endif>>\n\nYou whisper to the pillow that you want to perform for everyone at the club. You make it promise to keep your secret. Taya overhears. She tells you that it'd be awesome.\n\n"If you sang downstairs, you'd bring the house down," she tells you. Her eyes look [[freaky]].

You let it go. "Yeah, you're right," you say. "Good night, Nayeli. It was nice to meet you."\n\n"Same to you. Night."\n\n[[Sleep.|SleepB][$backpain = true]]

"Are you sure about that?" You're not letting her shrug the issue off that easily. "Because you can tell me if you're not."\n\n"Yes, I'm sure," Nayeli huffs.\n\n"You don't look like you're sure."\n\n"If I said I'm sure, then I'm sure. Stop being so pushy." She crosses her arms over her chest. You've never seen someone look so intimidating in pleather shorts. "Not everything can be as instantly perfect as Sarai wants it to be."\n\n"Yeah, I know. It's not realistic."\n\n"Exactly. We've only known each other for a couple of hours. Just because we're called girlfriends or whatever doesn't mean we've actually reached that level."\n\n"Do we have to call each other that?" You [[push the blankets away]]. They're making you too warm.

You let Sarai be in the middle. Why rob her of that happiness?\n\n...\n\nLying in bed with the two of them, it feels like Sarai's a barrier between you and Nayeli. It's so dark that you wouldn't know if Nayeli was even there, beyond Sarai's body. For all you know, Nayeli could be gone, off to the couch after feeling uncomfortable or not wanting to deal with being around you.\n<<if $route_a>>\nIt seemed like she was starting to like you more until you put your foot in your mouth.\n<<endif>>\nIt take hours, but you calm yourself down enough to [[fall asleep]].

"Um, so, Nayeli, we've been going out for a while..." You stumble through your words. "I like you a lot. Do you like me?"\n\n"No shit."\n\n"Okay, that's good. Yep. So since we like each other and all, I was wondering when you wanted to take the next step. I'm ready for it."\n\n"Damn, you sound like you're in middle school." Nayeli laughs.\n\n"You can't blame me for that. You try asking that question."\n\n"Sarai," Nayeli says. "How would you feel about me having sex with Jerri?" There's no waver or hint of nervousness in her voice. You wish you knew how she does it.\n\n"Great! That'd be great for you guys."\n\n"Then it'll happen whenever you want it to."\n\n"I can sleep on the couch tonight," Sarai says. "It's better for you guys to learn each other's bodies first before I get involved in any way. I learned that [[the hard way]]."

She stops herself. "Okay, that's gonna be the last time I talk about them. Tonight's aout you and me, and no one else."\n\nThe waitress comes back over. She asks if you're ready to order.\n\n"Just drinks for now. I'd like a Midori Sour and an Autumn Delight."\n\nYou're surprised (and grateful) when you don't get carded. The waitress jots down your order and goes away.\n\n"How'd you do that?"\n\n"Confidence." Taya says. "It works most of the time. It also helps that [[we're dressed up]]."

The next weekend, you and Nayeli sign up to perform at some cafe's open mic.\n\nSarai and Taya are busy creating your disguise. They rummage through your closet, Taya indiscriminately tossing things out.\n\n"Don't you have money now, Jerri? What's with your wardrobe?" Taya holds up a shirt that's three sizes too big. It says PAWAAA on it. "...Why?"\n\n"I haven't had the time to organize it, or do anything else with this room." It's still bare. Then again, do you have any reason to do something to it? You pretty much exclusively use Sarai and Nayeli's bed these days.\n\n"Who cares about the room? We've got to do [[something about your closet]]."

"That depends on what you want your punishment to be," you say.\n\n"It's not fun if I have to pick it. That's not how punishments work." She pouts. "Unless...you want to be punished for not being good at giving punishments. In that case, the punishee will become the punisher."\n\n"Where are we going with this?" You have to check and make sure.\n\n"I dunno. It could lead to all sorts of places. The wall, the shower, the floor..."\n\n*[[The bed]].\n*[[The ceiling]].

"Why'd you do it?" Sarai asks her. "Don't you know how many hours I slaved to be able to have you live here for free? Do you know how much I had to <html><i>sacrifice</i></html> for you?"\n\nTaya says, "Nayeli never wanted you to do those things for her. You never had to be a martyr."\n\n"That's rich coming from you, seeing how much you belittle Nayeli on a daily basis. Now you want to act like a loving and caring girlfriend. Please."\n\n"Stop it. You know I'm joking around when I say those things to her."\n\n"You can both get the fuck [[out of my sight]]." Sarai points to the door. <<if $hotel>>"Rent her a fucking hotel room like you did for Jerri, Taya. I don't care. Just go."<<endif>>

"Who's Cameo?"\n\n"You don't know who Cameo is?" Ashley Evans gasps. "She's only one of the bet pop stars ever! She's not with Estrella. She's with Simon-Timmons Music. Here, I'll show you where she is on the Pickford Top 100. Check it out on my phone."\n\n[[You scroll through the list from 100 to 1.]]

It's been bent to hell and back, but you've kept that Ace of Hearts. You run your thumb over its creases whenever you need luck. Today, though, you know you need more than just luck so you've asked for the source of it to meet you for coffee.\n\nAt this point, your latte's a light brown nothing, a blend of espresso, coffee, foam, and milk.\n\n"You know, it's not easy to make those." Sarai says. "I used to work in a coffee shop. Valentine's Day was killer. Everyone wanted a heart."\n\n"We're forced to ask customers if they want their sandwiches cut into hearts." You groan at the memory.\n\n"It's the holiday for love."\n\n"If it was really a holiday, they'd [[give us off from work]]."

"What are we supposed to do?" Nayeli's the next one with a question.\n\n"Nothing's gonna change," you reason.\n\n"We just can't be seen with you in public as anything more than friends. I'm not your fucking friend, Jerri."\n<<if $threes>>\nTaya mutters that "fucking friend" suits her just fine. Nayeli tells her to go fuck herself. Taya blows her a kiss in response. Sarai's too caught up in this conversation to tell them to drop it.<<endif>>\n\n"Sorry, but that's the way it has to be." You tell them. "I don't want to jeopardize things for myslf this early."\n\n"The world could use more poly representation... You could be that for people," Sarai says. "What happens when I get married? I have to choose only one woman to be my wife? So she gets all of my benefits and my girlfriends get nothing at all? That's [[messed up]]."

You breathe in a deep breath of confidence.<<set $threes>>\n\n<html><i>You can do this. They think you're hot. That's right, you're the hottest ever.</i></html> You get out of bed and give yourself a pep talk. <html><i>You've been with them both before. You can handle a threesome. You got this.</i></html>\n\nYou punch the air a couple of times, like a boxer about to get into the ring.\n\nYou don't want to disappoint them in any way. You want them to be happy and satisfied.\n\n<html><i>And you can do it. Get 'em, tiger.</i></html>\n\nYou [[step into]] the other room.

You turn down the coffee. You don't want the caffeine to mess up all the hard work you've put into maintaining your diet.\n\nThe girl with the guitar/drum gts off the stage. The announcer comes on. He cracks a couple of bad puns that have the audience groaning, then announces Nayeli to the stage.\n\nShe steps up to the microphone, all cool and [[confidence]].

Taya starts laughing hysterically. You're not sure at what. This situation? How Nayeli looks when she's pissed? Nayeli holds Taya up to keep her from falling on the floor.\n\n"You should've done it too, Yeli! Now you're the one left out.<<if $threes>> This is something special for me and Jerri only. Go away." Nayeli doesn't move.<<else>>"<<endif>>\n\n"Are you tripping yet?" She asks you.\n\n"I don't think so. How do I know?"\n\n"Fuck... Let's get a private booth. If you're not going to go home, let's just get away from everyone to save face." Nayeli's so tense. She needs to relax.\n\n"Save face? More like chew face," Taya says, proud of herself.\n\n"That only happens with bath salts." You're [[helpful]].

You drop the handful of change you have in your pocket into their cup. The drummer speeds up his drumming in thanks.\n\nYou head off to get to [[your apartment]].

"I'm not breaking up with you, Nayeli."<<set $stayed_second = true>>\n\nShe [[smiles|itsover]] at this. <<if $stayed_first is true and $stayed_third is not true>>You think you hear Taya mutter that she called it.<<endif>>

<html><b>The end.</b></html>\n\n[[Credits]].

"When do you want to hang out?"\n\n"Friday night. My roommate's going to be gone and we can have my dorm room to ourselves."\n\n"Friday night? Um...I've got a press conference Friday."\n\n"At night?"\n\n"During the day, but it's a few hours away. Other stars are going to be there. It's important for networking." It's something that could help you with your Pickford Top 100 Chart ranking.\n\n"Yeah," Taya says. "Work comes first, I guess."\n\n*[[Back out of the press conference.]]\n*[[Don't back out of the press conference.]]

Love.\n\nWhat is it about that word that strips everyone down to their most raw and vulnerable?\n\nThe weight of that word isn't something you think about very much. It's a heavy thing that never seemed to suit you. Yeah, you've had lovers in the past, but being someone's lover and being in love are two different things for you.\n\nDo you love all of the women you're with?\n\nDo you have to? Is that's what's expected of you after being with them for so long? Is love a given at this point that you don't even need to say?\n\n[[You don't have the answer to that.|can't read]]

You sit with her on her bed as you talk. "How have you been feeling? Nayeli told me all about the Ecstasy comedown."\n\n"Ugh, I don't even want to think about that night," Taya says. "I regret it, okay? I wish that night would disappear."\n\nYour stomach drops. "It won't disappear for me. Someone took a picture of me kissing Nayeli and now everyone thinks I'm some kind of cheater and," your voice breaks. "This could be it for me."\n\n"Fuck," Taya embraces you. Her touch is enough to make you openly cry. "I can fix this. I can hire people to write better things about you or something... Money talks. Fuck it, I can talk to the media, the newspapers, anything and everything."\n\n"It's my problem to fix, not yours." You sob, "I shouldn't have picked you. I fucked up."\n\n"...Who should you have picked instead?"\n\n*[[No one.|oh]]\n*[[Sarai.|oh]]\n*[[Nayeli.|oh]]

"I'm not leaving you, Taya."<<set $stayed_third = true>>\n\nShe [[smiles|okdecision]]. "Thanks."

On your way getting home late, you pass by a pair of street musicians. One's sitting on the sidewalk, drumming on overturned buckets. The other stands next to him, plucking a guitar that's missing a string. Their performance is listless, uninspiring. It's not the sort of thing that would make people stop, listen, and more importantly, drop a few dollars their way.\n\n*[[Sing along to help]].\n*[[Go home. It's not your business]].\n*[[Put some money in their cup and then go home]].

"Sit on the bed," she orders.\n\nYou give her a hard look.\n\n"...Please?" Nayeli tries. You comply. The next thing you know, she's holding her guitar out to you.\n\n"Is that a peace offering?"\n\nNayeli shakes her head. "Hear me out. I suck at talking sometimes."\n\nYou give her another hard look.\n\n"Most of the time. Music on the other hand, that's what I'm good at. So I think we should play together so we can get on the same wavelength. Do you want to play something sad or cool?"\n\n"Happy's not a choice?"\n\n"I don't do happy. Pick one."\n\n*[[Sad|player][$sad_song = true]]\n*[[Cool|player][$cool_song = true]]

"Only for that. School sucks." Taya grumbles. "I should quit and become a pop star instead."\n\n"We only have room for one of those in this relationship." Nayeli says.\n\n"I'm pretty sure the fame would go to your head, Taya." You tease her.\n\n"Hell yeah! And why shouldn't it?" She smiles. "I'd milk it for [[all its worth]]."

"Yeah...maybe."\n\n"It's a good thing. These are all very good things for your career."\n\nShannon has a point. If no one is talking about you then you might as well not exist. She excuses you from the room, and you briefly wonder what you may have [[gotten yourself into]].

"You're so lucky Estrella gave you that image. My rank's been sliding. I need a gimmick as good as yours."\n\n"It changes with the seasons," you say. "Crowds can be fickle."\n\n"Not yours. They love you. You're going to be remembered forever. You've got staying power, girl."\n\nFor your music or for your image?\n\n"I've gotta go. I've got someone waiting for me. Bye!" She bounces away into the crowd. The girl she goes over to looks vaguely familiar, but you're not sure where you've seen her or her sunglasses before.\n\nSeems like Taya's not the only one rocking the nightclub sunglasses look.\n\nYou [[make your way back]] to where you left Taya and Nayeli.

Good riddance.\n\nAnd now you're swirling the pattern in your latte into something unrecognizable, sitting across from Sarai, a woman a few years your senior that you've been seeing for a couple of months.\n\nSeeing, in a [[casual]] sense.

Story by <html><a href="http://www.twitter.com/kaleidofish">kaleidofish</a></html> of <html><a href="http://www.kaleidofishstudios.com">Kaleidofish Studios</a></html>\n\nPlaytested by <html><a href="https://twitter.com/Thestralsaur">Thestral</a></html> and <html><a href="https://twitter.com/rbitstudios">r-bit</a></html>\n\nThank you for playing!

That "absolute shit" feeling doesn't wear off. You move through the motions during the morning group exercises, and sit with Ashley Evans at lunch. She's back to looking like her usual chipper self, no longer the Ashley you met at the club. She shoves a grilled cheese sandwich into her mouth.\n\nYou went for soup today, something hot and easy to eat.\n\n"Do you still have a hangover from Saturday night?" She keeps her voice low. The last thing you need is for anyone to overhear you two. Estrella Girls aren't exactly supposed to be party girls.\n\n"You could say that."\n\n"What do you have going on later today?"\n\n"Studio time. I'm working on [[something big]]." Estrella Entertainment never gives you a break.\n\n

"Since it happens on such a rare occassion, I have to agree with Taya," you say. "Sarai threw you like that because you slapped her. Notice how even as drunk as she was, she didn't hit you with her fists or hands."\n\n"So are you saying I asked for it?" Nayeli asks. "And you think she wouldn't have fucked me up if you guys weren't around...okay, wow. You and Taya have a fucked up view of the world."\n\n"I didn't say that," you try to reason with her. "You hit Sarai first. You provoked her."\n\n"I shouldn't have touched her, regardless of if she hit me first or not," Sarai says. "I'll never forgive myself for what I said and did that night."\n\n"I'm probably going to have to leave you, sorry... We're [[not going to work out]] if you can't promise me you won't drink." Nayeli says.

Her words are nonsense. Nayeli's not an on-the-spot lyricist, but you overlook that in favor of the clarity of her voice. She's a belty singer, loud and unapologetic. You jump in to harmonize on the third time she repeats what you're guessing is her chorus:\n\n<<if $sad_song>><html><i>Crows are lonely<br>\nVulture culture<br>\nOn top of black wings<br>\nVulture culture<br>\nOn top of the General<br>\nCrows are lonely</i></html><<endif>><<if $cool_song>><html><i>Bad boys getting wrecked<br>\nBad girls getting wrecked<br>\nBad kids getting wrecked<br>\nGet wrecked under this hailstorm<br>\nTater tots for breakfast</i></html><<endif>>\n\nYou're going to have to ask her how she comes up with such [[beautiful lyrics]] later.

You run SMACK into someone, hard enough to knock her over. Her bag flies out of her grasp. Dazed, you hurriedly say that you're sorry and help her back to her feet. She picks up her fallen purse, her arms shaking as she does.\n\nHer hair's an ombre gradient of teal and pink. She's small in stature, a pair of dark sunglasses obscuring her eyes.\n\nThe sunglasses do little to block out the glare that's radiating from behind them. "Watch where you're going!" The girl shrieks.\n\n"I said I was sorry."\n\n"Sorry isn't good enough. I demand a real apology."\n\n*[[Tell her to deal with it.]]\n*[[Tell her you're in a hurry.]]

That night, you hit the town with Sarai, Nayeli, and Taya. Sarai's got her arm linked around yours. Taya's leading Nayeli along by the hand as she walks with a skip in her step, the latter too embarrassed to join in with the skipping. You can't help but laugh at your surly girlfriend's misery.\n\nSarai holds the door open for the three of you when you enter the movie theater. Settling on a movie had been a battle. Nayeli hadn't taken part in the fight, not particulary caring either way. She came to the movies for the popcorn. Sarai and Taya, on the other hand, were practically at each other's throats.\n\nIt was a duel of horror versus sci-fi.\n\nSarai wanted to see a movie about people who get trapped in an underwater amusement park and have to find their way out after a crack in the wall causes water to flood in. Taya wanted to see a movie with 90's cyberpunk aesthetics about a cyborg society that starts to fall apart with the introduction of the first android.\n\nYou had to break the tie. You chose...\n\n*[[The horror movie|movie][$horror = true]].\n*[[The sci-fi movie|movie][$scifi = true]].

Your date goes on. Taya tells you a story about a time when a dog bit her that almost has you rolling on the floor laughing. Dog bites shouldn't be that funny. It was all in her delivery.\n\nYou trade stories of hair dye fails, like that time you dyed your hair "vampire red." It faded to black within days. That didn't beat what happened to her when she dyed her hair orange. Everyone called her traffic conehead.\n\nShe covers the check when you're finished, telling you that it's not a problem since she had such a good time. You leave the restaurant holding hands.\n\nTaya gazes into your eyes. You're conscious of being in a public space where anyone can walk by and see you. What if someone takes a picture of this and uses it against you later? You have to protect yourself.\n\n...Or you can throw caution to the wind.\n\n*[[Kiss her][$kiss_3 = true]].\n*[[Avoid the kiss][$avoid_3 = true]].

"Can you try to compromise with them, Nayeli?" You ask her. "I know you can't quit this instant, but why not quit on some kind of schedule? You could make a goal for yourself and quit then. Sarai and Taya will leave you alone until then."<<set $request = true>>\n\n"I'll consider it... I'm not going to say yes or no right now." Nayeli says.\n\n"A schedule is better, since that means you'll actually quit." Taya says. "I can live with that."\n\n"Same here," Sarai says. "That means it's on the horizon."\n\n"Okay," Nayeli says. "If you want any chance of us being together, I'm going to have to make a [[request|requestmoment]] of my own."<<set $request = true>>

"Yeah, I'm going to be in one of the recording studios working on my debut single."\n\nAshley Evans squeals. "This is so exciting! I can't wait to hear your single."\n\n"After this I've got a music video and promotional touring to worry about. I'm not even sure what my image is supposed to be, but all of these things are happening so fast."\n\n"Are you excited or scared?"\n\n* [[Excited]]\n* [[Scared]]\n* [[Both]]

You let the lie go. You know Taya's lying to cover Nayeli's ass. <<if $taya_covered>>It's not like she hasn't done that for you before.<<endif>>\n\n"Get the fuck out of my apartment." Sarai points at the door. "You're bullshitting me. You're a liar and she's a whore. You can both rot for your lies somewhere else.<<if $hotel>> Get her a fancy hotel like you did when you ran away wih Jerri.<<endif>> [[I don't care|out of my sight]]."

You feel like you're bouncing on air at lunch the next day. You let yourself have an extra spoonful of yellow rice with your herby chicken to celebrate. You hum as you chew on your food.\n\n"Hey Miss 97!" Ashley Evans sits beside you. She opted for the grilled ham and cheese and tomato soup meal.\n\n"96 more spots to go," you say. Your single helped you make it on to the Pickford Top 100 Chart.\n\n"That's only if you don't fall in any way. The 90's are tooooough to stay in."\n\n"Can you bring the positive Ashley Evans back? I miss her."\n\n"Oopsie. Um, I'm sure there's no way you'll fall, because you're great!" Ashley Evans cheers. "How about that?"\n\n"That's better."\n\n"Does your song come with [[a music video]]?"

"I'm in a hurry here. Sorry if I sounded like I was insincere. I've got to go." As you're about to, she grabs your arm.\n\nShe lowers her sunglasses. "Don't you know who I am?"\n\n"No." You break out of her grasp, and run to get to the front doors of Estrella Entertainment HQ. You don't have time to talk to this girl, whoever she is. You've got better things to do, like not getting fired for [[being late]].

"You're not the one who fucked up," you tell her. "We're the ones who fucked up by making you feel that way. No one should feel used."\n\nA body? Is that all she is to you?\n\nYou think over your memories with her. <<if $kissed_n>>The first kiss you shared.<<endif>> <<if $starry>>The first time you shared together.<<endif>> <<if $threes>>The first time you were with her and Sarai.<<endif>> <<if $cool_song>>The tater tot song.<<endif>> <<if $sad_song>>The vulture culture song.<<endif>> Her coaching you through difficult guitar parts. Your voices melding together when you sing.\n\nIs that all you have with her? A bunch of memories related to the two associations that hurt her the most.\n\n"I'll take you out more often. We can do other things that you like," you say. "Movies? Art? Rock climbing? A restaurant? [[Anything]]'s fine."

She makes sure to remind you that you have dance practice tomorrow at the Estrella Entertainment HQ, and for you to not be late or she'll have your head.\n\nAfter seeing her collection of Chinese war swords, you believe her when she says that.\n\nShe also tells you that you need to make a good impression on the other Estrella talents. Allies are valuable. Making friends with the right girls leads to better buzz.\n\n"It would be nice for your friendships to be real, but that isn't required. What is required is for you to make your fans believe it."\n\nThe best thing she tells you, though, is that she's put an advancement in your account so you can get yourself a hotel [[next time]].

"Which bathroom did Nayeli go to? We shouldn't lose her in a place like this." The crowd's gotten thicker all around you.\n\n"Don't leave me too..." Taya wraps her arms around you. "We've both been so stressed lately. I wanna have fun. I used to have fun with this stuff all the time. Oh, Jerri Dairy, did you know what you took just now? You must've, because you're Jerri Larry, and Jerri Larry's real smart. Why else would you have swallowed it, yeah? Yeah?"\n\nYou look into Taya's eyes. They're practically all-black, her pupils are blown out so wide. Someone taps you on the back and you nearly jump out of your skin.\n\n"Water," Nayeli says, jamming a water bottle into Taya's hand. She takes the empty glass from her. Then she starts yelling, saying all sorts of stuff about how irresponsible Taya is, and that she can't believe she did this. What did she do? Is Taya in trouble? Do you have to protect her? Taya never needs saving. Taya does all the saving on her own. Why's Nayeli [[so angry]]?

<<if $comments_yes>>You decide to disregard their advice.<<endif>><<if $comments_no>>You decide to take their advice.<<endif>>\n\n"Are you up for playing something?" Nayeli finishes up what she's doing to the guitar.\n\n"I've got to rest my voice because of that music video shoot."\n\n"Don't you mime the words?"\n\n"They want me to sing it so it looks more real. It's rough," you rub your throat. You'll have to make yourself some tea later.\n\n"Lasagna's going to be done soon. It's [[in the oven]]." Sarai announces.

You'd rather not make things complicated this early on. You wish her a good night, then turn over to get to [[sleep.|SleepA]]

What you see when you go to greet Sarai isn't the Sarai you're used to seeing. This Sarai looks worn out, weathered. Her clothes are wrinkled. Nayeli keeps her distance.\n\n"Sorry, I'm going to need the bed tonight." She goes straight to the kitchen and checks the bottom cupboard.\n\n"What's wrong?"\n\n"It's not something for either of you to worry about." She pulls out a bottle of bourbon and a two liter of ginger ale. "I'd rather work stay at work. How were your days?"\n\n"I slept all day and played guitar with Jerri when she got home." You notice a key detail missing. Is it a secret?\n\n"I started working on my first single today."\n\n"That's nice. I'll blast it in my car when it comes out." Sarai mixes the liquids together in a [[glass of ice]].

Sarai's more than receptive to it. She turns you onto your back and holds her body over yours. You help her lips find yours in the darkness. <<if not $starry>>She happily gives you the attention that you've been craving.<<endif>><<set $starry_s>>\n\n[[...|fall asleep]]

"You look amazing."\n\n"I know," Taya smiles widely. "Thanks for noticing."\n\n"How [[couldn't]] I?"

"It's not like that at all. I had a great time. I like you," you hurry after her.<<set $avoid_3 = true>>\n\n"I've got to get back to my place now. Alone. Not because I'm butthurt," she says. "But because this is part of the dance, okay? A little back-and-forth."\n\nTaya stops and turns around. "I'm not mad at you. I just think it's shit you can't kiss somebody you like because you're afraid of what everybody else thinks."\n\n"It's part of the business."\n\n"Try not to let it rule your life. Wanna walk to the station with me?"\n\n"Yeah, [[let's go|laughing all the way]]."

You race down the stairs, nearly tripping in your haste. The streets race you by, your hair flipping back and forth as you turn your head left and right to find her. She can't have gone far.\n\nWhat if she got on a bus? What if she got lucky and is halfway across the city? She could be anywhere.\n\nNayeli could be...\n\ngone.\n\nAnd if she's gone, that means you failed. You failed her. You failed Sarai. You failed Taya. You failed yourself.\n\nHow can you [[call yourself an idol]] when you can't even make the people you care about the most happy?

"You're both babies. You're definitely not adults," Nayeli says.\n\nTaya whines. "How come you only call me baby when we're having sex?"\n\n"Hey! She calls me that too!" You can't believe this shit.\n\n"No way! Nayeli, you're such a dickhead. You have to come up with different nicknames for everyone. We can't all be your baby."\n\n"I'm not talking to you guys." Nayeli totally lies when she says that. "You're worse than Sarai when she's drunk. God..."\n\n"I'm dating a drunk-o, a robot, and a fairy princess." Taya says.\n\n"And I'm dating an asshole." Nayeli's not looking so good. What's wrong with your Yeli baby? Can you call her that too? You can understand why she calls everyone the same thing. It's easier to remember that. And, come to think of it, it's more fair if everyone has the same nickname. You like Nayeli's plan. She has lots of good plans.\n\nYou're happy you're dating Nayeli.\n\n"You like it. That's why you'll [[never leave]]," Taya tells Nayeli.

You walk into Sarai and Nayeli's bedroom. "Hey, Taya told me you were punching candy or something."\n\nNayeli gives you a playful shove. "Are you ready?"\n\n"You're a rock star! Are you stressed?"\n\n"I used to be one," she says quietly.\n\n"And you still are tonight. Seriously, are you ready to do this? Because if you're not, we can cancel."\n\n"We're not cancelling shit. I'm ready." Nayeli says. "I'd be more confident if Sarai and Taya weren't around for my comeback performance, but, hey. That's girlfriends for you, worming their way into everything."\n\nComeback performance. You smile at that. That means that tonight could be [[the first of many]] if nothing goes wrong.

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When she's done scrubbing your back, you ask her, "what about the front?"\n\nNeither one of you behaves after that.\n\nAnd [[no one's complaining|nextscene]].

"It doesn't seem like you have any room in your life for fear," you tell her.\n\n"Ooh, really? You think I'm fearless? That's great." Ashley Evans takes a long sip of her milk. "That's one of Shannon's rules. You can't let anyone see you [[sweat]]."

<html><b>smokehouseblues</b></html> posted 4 days ago,\n\n"i feel like jerri's all over the news"\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 4 days ago,\n\n"Estrella Entertainment is pushing Jerri hard. I like it! She's adorable."\n\n<html><b>hardboiledeggs</b></html> posted 4 days ago,\n\n"jerri is bae. she's 75 on the pickford chart"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 4 days ago,\n\n"Jerri is so nice in-person too. She's personable."\n\n<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 4 days ago,\n\n"Jerri and Taya are SO CUTE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"\n\nThe rest of the conversation devolves into a series of posts gushing about you and your relationship with Taya.\n\n[[Close your laptop|Close your laptop2]].

Your self-doubt drowns out your excitement. It's too dark to see what they're doing on the couch, anyway. You retreat back to the bed, content with just listening.\n\nYou fall [[asleep|Sleep.]] some time later.

"Some people think it's easier to get ahead when other girls get dragged down." Ashley Evans sighs. "I'm not like that, though. I'd never stab an Estrella Girl in the back. It feels like some of the girls here would do it in a heartbeat."\n\n"In a heartbeat, with a smile."\n\n"Yeah! Whatever it takes to get to #1 on the Pickford Chart."\n\nYou line up together for the Asian noodles at the Around-the-World station. When it's your turn, Ashley Evans scoops up as much chicken as she can into her noodle bowl. You load up on vegetables and sauce. You sit at the nearest empty table.\n\n<html><i>Beep, beep.</i></html>\n\n"Is that your phone?" You ask.\n\n"[[Yeppers!|phone]]"

"Is this 'clear the air time?'" Taya asks.\n\n"...Yes," you tentatively say. "No one should attack anyone. Discussion needs to stay calm. If it doesn't, then we're not going to get anywhere."\n\n"I know where the problem started." Taya says. "It was when Sarai laid down so many rules and forced group monogamy on us. We had these stupid rules even before you showed up, Jerri. They were around when I first joined and maybe they were there before that."\n\n"I've had bad experiences without them. The rules make me comfortable." Sarai shakes her head. "So what if that means I'm pushing 'group monogamy?' That's what makes me happy."\n\n"'Group monogamy' is still polyamory," Nayeli says. "The rules are my fault. Something happened with me, one of our exes, and someone else. It's to [[keep us safe]]."\n

You let Taya buy you a cup of something with a strong espresso shot. It's warm and more than welcome.\n\n"You're going to love the name that I gave you guys," Taya says.\n\n"I'll kill you if it's something bad." Nayeli says, glaring at her.\n\n"Oh, it's certainly not a lie... [[You'll see|more than welcome]]!"

"What kind of look are you going for?" Sarai asks.\n\n"Whatever look that Taya's into." You spin the dress rack around.\n\n"Something that's a bit of Nayeli's style and a bit of mine."\n\n"You're, like, tailored. You always look smart and sharp in whatever you wear."\n\n"That's part of working in an office," she says.\n\n"No, it's not just your business attire. It's your casual clothes, too. You're always put-together. It's like you never have an off-day." You sigh. Your life feels like [[a perpetual off-day]].

"You didn't have to. You didn't have to put that much effort in for me."\n\n"Oh, it was worth it." Taya smiles at you and something in your chest [[flutters|couldn't]].

"Y-you want to know about her?"\n\n"Yes. Is that a problem?" Even if it was, you feel like you couldn't say it. You're relieved that she seems genuinely interested, though.\n\n"No, not at all. She's studying Finance and Management Information Systems."\n\n"That sounds impressive."\n\n"I know." You want to pat yourself on the back. "Honestly, I have no idea where to take her for dinner. I want to blow her away."\n\n"Your presence is enough to do that. You're an Estrella Girl." Shannon takes out another sticky note and [[starts writing something down]].

You stop yourself mid-step.\n\nNah...\n\nYou're good.\n\n[[You smile to yourself and head back to your apartment.|theend]]

"It makes me feel like a piece of shit! What the fuck is wrong with me if you're a camgirl? I've got money. I can help you. I've got everything you want. So what the fuck does that make me, huh?" Taya holds her hand over her chest. "A fucking loser, that's what."\n\n"This is all about you then? You can't feel shitty but I can? What the fuck is that, Taya?"\n\n"What do you want me to say? I'm sick of talking about this. I've tried to help you but you don't want it."\n\n"Maybe I shouldn't be with you guys... I can't stop, and you can't accept it. Why should I be with any of you?"\n\n*[[Convince her to compromise]].\n*[[Let her go]].

"Yeah," you whisper to her. "Let's go."\n\nTaya announces your plans to the others. "We're going to go."\n\n"Is something wrong?" Sarai frowns.\n\n"We all need time to breathe and let what's going on soak in. Don't deny that you're as upset as Nayeli about this. You're just showing it differently, Sarai." Taya says.\n\n"Sure..." She looks at the floor.\n\n"We'll come back tomorrow and we can talk about it more then. Okay?"\n\nYou're glad that Taya showed up to do damage control. You're not sure how you could've handled everyone's reactions on your own.\n\nAfter shoving a few of your things into a backpack, you leave with Taya for a hotel. She makes a phone call on the way out the door, like it's absolutely no problem for her to spend a couple hundred dollars for a breather. She has her credit card number [[memorized]].

"Um...this is weird to say, but I'm kind of homeless right now."\n\n"What happened to your drummer friend? Uh, what was her name again...?"\n\n"Alison."\n\n"Right."\n\n"Kicked me out."\n\n"Too bad. She was hot. And the cute Norwegian girl?"\n\n"She was Finnish and finished with me."\n\n"How about the shark bite girl?"\n\n"What? She got stung by a jellyfish. I broke it off with her. She wanted to get too serious too fast." You blow into your cup, spreading what's left of the foam. "I told her I didn't want to stop seeing other people and she freaked out."\n\n"Because the only way to show you're serious about someone is to [[only be with them]]," Sarai says sarcastically.

"You're back in the studio already? Didn't your CD just come out?"\n\n"An Estrella Girl's work is never done." You slurp on your soup. "Shannon says that since my sales are looking good, they want to get me recording again."\n\n"I hope they give me a new song soon too. I've been stuck in 71st place forever."\n\n"You better watch out. I'm gaining on you," you tease her.\n\nAshley Evans smiles. "I am. I'm definitely watching out for you."\n\nYou [[finish eating together]] and then go on with your days.

"You're supposed to be a good example for people everywhere. Going into this, I warned you that you had a lot of bad stereotypes to overcome. This meant that you were supposed to be as upstanding of a citizen as possible," Shannon goes on. "You were supposed to be the perfect girl-next-door, normal besides that one factor to your personality."\n\n"I'm as normal as anyone else," you speak up.\n\n"You were supposed to be better than that. That's what being an idol is about." She says. "You're supposed to be unreachable, the impossible, the perfect mold that others want to fit themselves into. You're suppoed to be something special for the downtrodden, instead of...[[whoever this person is]]."

<<if $company>>Your star continues to rise. You're somewhere in the Top 60s on the Pickford Top 100 Chart. It's been a while since you last checked. There are rumors that you'll be doing cross-promotional duet with Cameo. You wonder if she remembers you from way back when, when you were new to the industry and its undercurrents...\n\nBut rumors are rumors. Until Shannon says something for sure, [[you'll just wait|be a laugh]].<<else>>No longer being an Estrella Girl has given you time to pursue other things, like getting yourself a job at an ice cream shop so you won't burn through your earnings from your pop star life.\n\nYou're saving up money to return to school. You're thinking about studying something music or business-related, since you have an insider's view to the entertainment industry you'd like to put to good use. Maybe one day, you'll take Shannon's job.\n\nThat'd [[be a laugh]].<<endif>>

You're a year away from 21, but the bar overlooked your age. That's a perk of being [[cheap entertainment|casual]].

"I thought <html><i>you</i></html> wanted to, with me." Nayeli looks straight at you.\n\n"I didn't think it wouldn't be okay. Didn't you and Taya do the same thing when Sarai set you up?"\n\n"No! Don't drag me into this." Taya takes a step back. "This is you guys' drama."\n\n"I didn't set anyone up. I was trying to be nice and give you guys your space to be able to talk. Then, this happened." She keeps her eyes away from you. "You make me sound like a Madame, goddammit. What kind of person do you take me for?"\n\n"I'm sorry." Nayeli says it first. "I must've gotten my signals crossed somehow."\n\n"Same here. I'm sorry," you [[follow suit]].

<<if $for_the_best>>[[...|melancholy]]<<endif>><<if $all_together_now>>[[...|quadend]]<<endif>><<if not $for_the_best and not $all_together_now>>[[...|otherend]]<<endif>>...{on.}

"If you give up, it's over," Miya K agrees. "And be aware of your weaknesses so you can work on them. When I started out, it was like I had two left feet. Shannon can tell you this, but I made sure I was in the dance studio every day, even the days when I wasn't scheduled for it, so I could get better. It's what you have to do."\n\n"Don't forget to have fun!" Ashley Evans gives you a thumbs up. "Having fun is important."\n\n"But not too much fun," Shannon clarifies. "Fun can have its consequences. Now, Jerri, do you have any questions for your cohort?"\n\n"Ah, none that I can think of right now..."\n\n"Alright, then, you're all dismissed for lunch. They're serving tilapia and rice today."\n\n"Great, we can all eat together and everything." Lily Trilly says. Rayna and Miya K nod in agreement. "That way if you have any questions, Jerri, we can let you know."\n\n"That's exactly what I want to hear. [[Have a nice day, ladies.|tilapia and rice]]"

Her body tenses up when you cuddle up to her. It's too dark to read her facial expression. You ask her if she's okay.\n\n"We don't have to do this," Nayeli whispers. "We don't have to go any faster than we want to. Just to make that clear."\n\n"Do you want to?" You ease yourself against her slowly, testing her for a reaction. She puts her hand on your hip. Her thumb rubs against the patch of skin revealed when your shirt rode up. Nayeli's as tentative as you are. You can feel the tension in her palm.\n\n"Yeah... You're attractive and I'm weak. Good combination."\n\nYou get a surge of confidence from her compliment. The darkness is helping a little too, you're sure.\n\nA small voice in the back of your head still wonders if this is something you should be doing. You can either drown it out or listen to it.\n\n* [[Back off.]]\n* [[Go for it.|Go for it][$starry = true]]

Official's such a loaded word, as if everything you did together before this week didn't count for anything because it wasn't "officially" on the books. You've had good times with Sarai: trips to farmer's markets, trips to the park to read books aloud to each other (usually a sci-fi novel she picked out), store browsing, and private card trick shows.\n\nYou haven't had the time to do those things together again, but those were all things that you cherished, and continue to cherish.\n\n"Told you my bed was more comfortable than all of those hotel beds," she grins.\n\n"And my friends' beds and such..." You relive the embarassment of the places that you [[took her to]].

She's too overwhelmed with her emotions to say anything to that. You help her into her pajamas and get her into bed.\n\nYour sleep's <<if $othergirlfriend>>[[fitful|the coldest]]<<else>>[[fitful|mistaken]]<<endif>>.

"What do you want, Taya?" You ask her. "Is whatever you're asking for something you'll actually appreciate having or will you still want 'more?'"\n\n"It's not about having more." Taya says. "When you're with Sarai, you're with her 'family.' You can't just be with Sarai. You're with her network, her rules, her everything. It's...it's too heavy sometimes."\n\n"Is it heavy enough for either of you to leave?" Nayeli asks.\n\nYou wonder if part of Taya's problem is that she wasn't reassured enough. She can act like she's full of herself sometimes, bu she may have needed more reassurance than all of them combined.\n\nHaving no structure would mean that she'd be able to freely get reassurance from whoever she wanted. No rules, no bridges to cross. None of that. You lived that life [[before you entered this quadship]].

"Is that how you feel?" Sarai takes her hand off of her. "Are we all mitakes to you? Are we just holding you back?"\n\nYou don't say anything. You just let yourself quietly cry.\n\nFor the first time in your life, [[you wish you were alone]].

It doesn't work.\n\nYou try to win someone over with a different set of nouns:\n* [[Exuberance|fail2]]\n* [[Sophistication|fail2]]\n* [[Desperation|fail2]]

"I forgot how old I was, but it was definitely early middle school. I realized that I didn't want to be the hot girl, I wanted to be with her."\n\n"Hey, and look at you, you've gone and done both." Taya smiles. "Do your parents know?"\n\n"It wasn't my choice. They forced it out of me."\n\n"I blurted it out one day at dinner. We were having cilantro-lime chicken. All these years and I haven't forgotten... That chicken was damn good," she sighs at the memory. "They were shocked, but they shouldn't have been. I mean c'mon, I had pictures of girls all over my room."\n\n"They probably thought you were collecting art."\n\n"Of two girls kissing?"\n\n"Denial, then. It's a lot to take. It's like uncovering [[a new side of you]]."

You keep watching the movie. There's no need to be childish. It's obvious that Taya wants to get a rise out of you. You're better than that.\n\nShe and Nayeli leave and don't come back until the movie's close to being over. You bite your tongue the best that you can, for fear of [[putting your foot in your mouth|Good luck]].

You're alone in a room with someone whose heart you're breaking. Who's going to comfort you now?\n\n"I don't want to fucking break up with you," you wipe some of your tears away. "Stop talking like that."\n\nShe lets go of you. "I'm getting under the blanket. Come with me."\n\nYou take off your shoes and get under the covers with her. She pulls the blanket all the way over your heads. It's like you're in a hot cave.\n\n"I used to hide like this when I was a kid. It helps when you're feeling vulnerable. God knows that's exactly how I feel right now." Taya places her hands on the side of your face. You know she can feel how wet your cheeks are. You [[sniffle]] pathetically. You're feeling rather vulnerable yourself.

You kiss Nayeli first. It's fast, cut off when Sarai eases you over to get on top of her.\n\n"You don't have to be so gentle with her," Nayeli tells her. "She can handle it."\n\nYou're in for [[quite the night|waiting]] (in a good way).<<set $tired = true>><<set $threes = true>>

"Anyway, how about that private concert?"\n\n"You're making me nervous." You don't know why it's so easy for Taya to get to you like this. You cover your face with your hand.\n\n"Oh no, no, no. That kind of attitude won't do for a pop star."\n\n"I know...but it's weird doing this in front of you."\n\n"You sing with Nayeli all the time."\n\n"We only do covers and random stuff. I've never sung my own stuff with her." You look off to the side. "This song's going to sound weird without the dance track with it."\n\n"I'll be the judge of that," Taya says.\n\n"Promise not to laugh."\n\n"I promise."\n\n"And um, put a pillow over your face."\n\n"What? What kind of private concert [[forces you to be blind]]? What's the point if I can't see anything?"

<<if $scifi>>Sarai wasn't too thrilled with your choice, but you picked the one that sounded better to you.<<endif>><<if $horror>>Taya whined that the plot was a total rip-off of some game you hadn't heard before, but you ignored her complaints.<<endif>> If she didn't want your input, then they could've flipped a coin.\n\nHaving bought your tickets online, you bypass the long line and head straight to the guy that rips the tickets. He directs you to go to #11.\n\n"We're gonna get the seats," Taya says. She nudges Nayeli.\n\n"Go by yourself. I'm getting food." Nayeli looks at the concession stand, considering her options. "There's free refills with a large..."\n\n"We can handle the seats. You and Taya can get the popcorn." Sarai hooks [[her arm around yours]] again. "See you guys in a bit."\n\nThey don't protest.\n

Your head starts to spin as Sarai goes over everything. Exclusivity to one another. Regular testing. Nayeli and Taya have to inform Sarai of anything they do with you first. She has to stay in the loop. Nothing secretive. <<if $starry>>You hang your head.<<endif>>\n\n"What was that last rule again?" Taya puts her hand on her hip.\n\n"You have to keep me in the loop."\n\n"No, no, no. What's with this Primary and Secondary shit you're pulling out of nowhere?"\n\n"You know that's not what it is."\n\n"[[New Relationship Energy]]," Nayeli says as if that's the answer to all of life's questions.

You decide to join them.\n\n"I wouldn't miss this for the world," you say.\n\nThis is going to be it...\n\nAfter tonight, everything changes.\n\n[[...]]

Ashley Evans bounces over to you.\n\n"Hey, Jerri! Are you leaving for the day or are you staying for extra studio practice?"\n\nYou consider it. "I might."\n\n"Ooh, did you check the Pickford Top 100? That scandal's done wonders for everyone's popularity. Our ranks have gone up." She pats you on the arm. "I'm glad you're staying with Estrella. I was worried this would make you leave."\n\n"No. It'll take more than this to make me quit. I've worked too hard for this to give up now."\n\n"Perfect! The world needs its favorite gay idol."\n\n"I'll see you next week." You close up your locker. "I forgot that I'm needed at home."\n\n"[[Bye|go home]]!"

The sound of covers shifting wake you up. It's still dark in the room.\n\n"Stop, we can't do this here," you hear Nayeli whisper. There's a whine sound before you feel them get off the bed. They leave the room.\n\nThe couch in the other room creaks.\n\n*[[Give them privacy. Go back to sleep.]]\n*[[Watch them.]]\n<<if $starry or $starry2>>* [[Join them.]]<<endif>>

<html><b>rahul_cookie</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"mayb its not what we think. mayb this girl kissed jerri. a fan???"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 0 days ago:\n\n"No, the angle of the kiss and the way that their bodies are positioned implies familiarity. They knew each other."\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 0 days ago:\n\n"LOL! GO SIMON-TIMMONS"\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 0 days ago:\n\n"That's off-topic. I'm reporting you to the mods."\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 0 days ago:\n\n"Don't back-seat moderate."\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 0 days ago:\n\n"ESTRELLA SLUTSTRELLA"\n\nYou <<if $yesconference>>[[can't read]]<<else>>[[can't read|tayaroom]]<<endif>> anymore. You shut your laptop down.

You step out onto the stage. You're in a frilly dress that reaches passed your knees. A microphone's waiting for you. Cameras flash. The overhead lights prevent you from seeing more than the first two rows of your audience. Shannon's chewing on her pen, a notepad in her lap. Your vocal coach sits next to her, fists balled up in anticipation.\n\nYou won't let them down.\n\nYou close your eyes, count to ten, open them, and [[sing|sing2]].\n

That guitar's been sold since then. You needed the money for food.\n\nNowadays if you do play somewhere, you have to [[borrow one|casual]].

The three of you retire for bedtime. You had to slink into your room to change. Even if Nayeli's your girlfriend too, you'd rather her see you undress under more confident circumstances. You want to be the one in control, rather than feeling like you have to appease this girl at every second.\n\nYou're thankful that Nayeli's already wearing her pajamas when you [[enter the bedroom]].

If you did that...\n\nIf you took that walk through a college campus...\n\nYou'd see students rushing by in a hurry, this way and that way. It'd make you think of when you were one of them. <<if $company>>You'd have your cap pulled down low over your eyes so no one could recognize you, because on a campus like this one, you're bound to be.<<endif>>\n\nYou'd go to the lion statue and take a seat on a nearby bench.\n\nA girl dragging along a too-heavy backpack would pass you by. Something would make her turn around and see you, maybe the cold breeze. And when she'd see you, she'd light right up.\n\n[[And you'd both smile.|theend]]

"Nayeli, you're right. If you want to be free, then be free," you tell her.\n\nShe sighs, closing her eyes. Sarai looks like she's been struck in the stomach. She mumbles something about being understanding.\n\n"I'll think about it," she says. "If you want any chance of us being together, I'm going to have to make one [[request|requestmoment]]."<<set $request = true>>

You stumble during practice. You're not doing so well. You hardly eat anything at lunch with Ashley Evans. You've got a plate of spaghetti squash you keep stirring around with your fork. Everything's getting to you ten times worse than it should.\n\n<<if $othergirlfriend>>Shannon let you know that you're at risk of losing your sponsors. No one wants you to be the face of anything anymore. You're losing your funding and becoming too much of a liability for Estrella Entertainment. If one more thing goes wrong, then that's it for you. You can kiss being an Estrella Girl goodbye.<<else>>Shannon let you know that you're starting to improve in the eyes of your sponsors. Your audience, though...you've still got a black mark with them. You've been humanized by saying you made a mistake (to err is human), but at the same time, you're villainized. If you don't fix that soon, everything could be all over for you.<<endif>>\n\n"I'm 67!" Ashley Evans announces to you. "Shannon says I'm on the fast-track to reach 50th place in no time at all. You were right about the season. Everything's perfect for me now. Oh... Sorry about that picture. That sucks. At least it shows you who [[your true fans]] are."

Your conversation drifts into a comfortable silence until you reach the front steps of the hotel. Taya didn't hold back in her choice. She went all-out.\n\nShe continues where she left off before, as if she finally reached a conclusion. "If this isn't the platform that you want to take, Jerri, then you shouldn't have to. It's up to you."\n\nThe inside of the hotel is more extravagant than the outside. Clean-cut families in polos walk alongside sweaty workers pushing too-heavy luggage carts. The parents look tired, probably from long hours spent driving or from loud babies on their first-class airplanes.\n\nYoung businessmen wearing luxury watches worth more than your entire lifetime salary sit and chat in the lounge. They peek over at a group of ladies nearby, planning out wingman techniques. A couple off to the side watches the two groups, giggling into each other's ear.\n\nA woman decked out in fine jewelry looks at the two of you in confusion. In your casual clothing, you stick out, but what they don't know is that your girlfriend has as much spending power as they do. Looks can be deceiving.\n\nThe check-in line is short. Taya hands over her credit card, says something to the receptionist that's poised and concise, then you're off to the elevators. She lets you hold the room key, a swipe card for [[607N]].

Nope, no luck.\n\nYou decide to wander. You know that there's a library that will open after 7 AM. You have to walk around until then, to keep yourself from accidentally falling asleep in the street. Your heart's pounding. It's not like you're a stranger to doing something like this, but experience doesn't make it any easier.\n\nA car whips by you, nearly splashing you, as if your night could get any worse. It drives on ahead and then circles back. You're ready to bolt when you spot [[a familiar face]] behind the wheel.

"We could've gone to your dorm," you say to her. Your shoes crunch the leaves on the sidewalk as you walk. The nighttime air is chilly enough for you to pull your sleeves over your hands.\n\n"Nah, my roommate's not the most welcoming person. She's a bitch. That's why I didn't like what Sarai was saying." Taya sighs. "We know exactly what it's like to get shit on for our choices. My roommate thinks I'm the world's biggest slut. Sarai's gotten her heart ripped apart by girls who'd rather be monogamous. She wants it all, and she wants to pretend like no one else has a problem with her wanting it all."\n\n"What about ignoring the haters?"\n\n"You can only do that for so long... Like, I get it, I'm out in other aspects of my life, but this is something different. You can only be so out about being poly since this isn't something everyone's rallying behind." Taya says. "Sarai expects you to be 100% out constantly. It's not like she hangs up a rainbow and poly flag at work, so why do you have to? Why does she get to treat you like you're betraying some kind of cause? [[It's stupid]]."\n\n

"So, Jerri, where does that leave me and you?" Taya asks. "I might as well go around the circle asking who wants to stay with me."\n\n"I'd like to, but that's up to you," Sarai says.\n\n"We don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. If we did stay together, we'd have to work on that," Nayeli says.\n\n*[[Stay with Taya][$stayed_third = true]].\n*[[Break up with Taya]].

"You're out of control." Taya says.\n\n"You think you're in control? None of this would've happened if it weren't for you." Sarai shoots back. "You and that stupid night."\n\n"Fuck you. Stop acting so high and mighty when you were the one who talked me into bringing the MDMA."\n\n"You told her to?" Nayeli mutters.\n\n"She practically forced them into my hand. Said that she wanted us to have a good time since we weren't ourselves."\n\nNayeli shakes off her sadness. Her fury's back. "You left me alone with them!"\n\n"While I busted my ass at work for you and it turns out the whole time you didn't care."\n\n"I did care, I did. I just couldn't [[be a freeloader]]."

Some time later, footsteps enter your room. You don't have to look up to know that it's Nayeli.\n\n"You shouldn't come into someone's room uninvited."\n\n"Isn't that what you just did?" You hope a little humor will defuse the situation.\n\n"Quid pro quo."\n\n"Sorry." You sit up. She's got her clothes back on. Looking up at her like this makes your neck hurt. "Tell Taya I'm sorry too. She's probably real pissed off I interrupted you guys...or she's laughing her head off. Probably the last one, now that I think of it."\n\n"It wasn't Taya." Nayeli gets down to your level. "It was bdchuck, some guy from my chatroom."\n\n"What? You're [[seeing someone else]]?"

"Sarai seems like she'd be accepting of it," you say.\n\n"She's not." Nayeli shrugs. "Do we have to talk about this?" She plays a C scale and then a D# scale. "We should play something in the key of G."\n\n"Does that include E or E minor?" Playing with Nayeli has really tested your knowledge of music theory.\n\n"Let's go with G, A minor, B minor, C, D, E minor, and F# diminished."\n\n"Can you play the last one on the piano?"\n\nNayeli presses the F#, A, and C together, letting the chord ring out. "It's a triad."\n\n"See, even music supports polyamory. There's a [[triad]] right there."

Their squabbling continues into the night club. They're arguing about the right way to pronounce something. Part of you wants to push into a crowd of people and be carried away. The music pumps out of the speakers loud enough for the bass to shake the floor. Would they miss you if you disappeared?\n\n"I'm gonna get drinks." You yell over the music. You need a strong one.\n\nThey're [[too busy]] talking to acknowledge you.

"How about you surprise me? You decide what we're going to do." Taya says after some thought. "Keep it a secret until the day of."\n\n"How am I supposed to know where you want to go without you telling me?"\n\n"Oh, silly Jerri. This wouldn't be as fun if I just told you where I wanted to go. What's dating without a little chase?" Taya says, grinning. "Skipping straight to the end is boring. You have to have the chase, the song, the dance...all of it!"\n\nThe door opens. Sarai walks in, humming a tune you think is supposed to be the latest Litany song. She gives Taya a big hug, and you [[an even bigger one]]. "It's so good to see you guys," she mumbles into the top of your head.

You come home after work. <<if $company>>You've bounced back from the scandal. Your rank's somewhere in the 60s. It's been a while since you last checked the Pickford Top 100 Chart, though, so you could be higher than that for all you know.<<else>>You've gotten yourelf a job at an ice cream shop. If anyone recognizes you, they don't say anything. They're probably being polite because they know that you're trying to bury your past. Your plan's to use your earnings from being an Estrella Girl and your ice cream job earnings to go back to school.\n\nYou plan on studying something music or buiness-related. You've got an insider's view of the entertainment industry that you want to put to good use.<<endif>>\n\nSomeone's playing a keyboard in the bedroom. <<if $company>>You keep that someone a secret from Estrella Entertainment, too afraid of what might happen if they catch wind that you're still with her. <<endif>>Someone else is shuffling cards to the music. And another someone else is calling you to hurry up and get in the room so you don't miss the show.\n \nThis is how it should be...\n[[with no one else but the four of you|theend]].\n\nYour heart's the warmest it's ever been.

You stand down, ready for whatever [[tirade|scoffs]] Nayeli is about to embark on.

"Oh, and I've got a date tonight. I'm the one who has to pick out what we're going to do."\n\nShanon perks up at that. "First date?"\n\n"Yeah."\n\n"What's he like?"\n\nYou break off eye contact at that question. This is it. The type of question that could spell the end of your career if you're honest. The type of question that could put you far deep into the caverns of a closet that you haven't been in for years and years.\n\n"Um, funny that you ask that... He's...um..."\n\nHow [[honest]] do you want to be?

"Don't act like you're not gorgeous yourself." Taya doesn't hide the up-and-down checking she does with her eyes. "Gorgeous girl taking me to a gorgeous restaurant. What did I do in a past life to make me this lucky?"\n\n"Do you believe in past lives?"\n\n"It's a fun thought to entertain." A waitress drop off a glass of ice water for her. Taya says thanks. "The people that go to Kitagawa's are flush, aren't they? Everyone looks so nice."\n\n"Do you normally eat at places like this?" It's not like Taya isn't flush herself, based on what she's wearing and what Sarai's told you about her.\n\n"Only on special occasions." She looks at herself in the reflection of her glass. "Sarai likes to insist on paying and Nayeli hates feeling like a [[charity case]], so..."

You let her know your choice. She smiles and says that it sounds delicious. Taya asks if you want anything to drink, as she gestures to that sensor machine you were looking at earlier. "Take whatever you want. It'll be charged to my card and won't matter."\n\nShe's so carefree about this...\n\n"Ah, sure, I might have a little bit of something."\n\n"Ugh, these all look like old man drinks. Scotch? Whiskey? Sarai's into whiskey, I think. It tastes like burning piss to me."\n\nYou remember that night when she was throwing back bourbon like it was nothing. After Taya calls room service to put in your order, you bring it up to her. "Yeah, I didn't know she was that into it until she came home one night and hit the bottle hard. I've never seen someone drink that much without flinching."\n\nTaya's smile fades. "Did anything bad happen that night?"\n\n"[[Nope.]]"

You grab her guitar and start to play. You let your mind check out, allowing your current feelings to take over.<<set $played_guitar = true>>\n\n<<if $route_a>>It takes a moment for your song to get its legs. By the time it does, you're palm muting its accents to give it a driving edge. Tapping on the guitar itself allows you to put some percussion into the rhythm. Once you've got your beat consistently worked out, you figure out your chord changes. You're working with all power chords even though you're playing an acoustic guitar.\n\nYou remember what Nayeli told you last night, about how you don't meld your voice with the guitar's. You've got to prove her wrong. You have to show her that you're more than a decent musician.<<endif>><<if $route_b>>It takes a moment for your song to get its legs. By the time it does, you're playing a gentle song that reminds you of a spring breeze. Your chord changes are leisurely, making easy switches from C to G to D. Your thoughts drift over to all of your hopes about doing well in both your new relationship and your entertainment career.<<endif>>\n\nAs you open your mouth to sing, you hear [[someone beat you to it]].

"Is this the right way...for us to walk away from this and let the pieces fall back together however they may?" You ask the group.\n\n"Laissez-faire approaches like that usually result in never seeing each other again," Taya says.\n\n"I don't like that idea." Nayeli says. "I don't like this whole conversation. It's like we're giving up. Is that what's happening here, we're giving up on us?"\n\n*[[It's for the best][$for_the_best = true]].\n*[[No, we're not]].

"Nothing ever happens without work." Taya says. "That's why I like girls like you. They can't rest at mediocrity. They're always working to get better. Ambition's sexy."\n\n"You're ambitious too, then." You blush.\n\n"Heh, I guess you could say that. Watch out, I'm going to conquer the world some day."\n\n"Or just mine."\n\n"I'm working on that."\n\nThe waitress arrives with your drinks. The Midori Sour is a pretty shade of green in a stout glass. The Autumn Delight's a transluscent orange-brown in a tall glass, two stemmed cherries bobbing inside of it. She asks you if you're ready now.\n\n"We can get [[anything you want]]," Taya tells you.

You keep your head down, forking more cheesey noodles into your mouth. You're not getting through to this woman, so why keep [[trying|yep]]?

You can afford a cheat night every now and then, can't you?\n\nYou enjoy the lasagna once it's [[ready]].

"How about us, Taya?" Sarai asks her.\n\n<<if $stayed_first_third>>"Yeah, I'll stay with you,"<<endif>><<if $stayed_first>>"No, I'm washing my hands of everything,"<<endif>><<if $stayed_third>>"Yes, I'll stay with you,"<<endif>> Taya says.\n\n"This is it, then. The moment we leave, that's the end of the quad as we once knew it." You say.\n\n"It was a good run while it lasted," Nayeli says. She shrugs, shoving her hands into [[the pockets of her jacket]].

<html><b>rahul_cookie</b></html> posted 24 days ago,\n\n"YO JERRI IS BEST GIRL"\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 24 days ago,\n\n"stfu lool"\n\n<html><b>rahul_cookie</b></html> posted 24 days ago,\n\n"lol hw about no. did you hear her new song??"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 24 days ago,\n\n"She's grown as an artist. Her latest song reminded me of Heloise."\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 24 days ago,\n\n"Her new song's WAY better than the old one. The old one: forgettable. This new one: mind-blowing."\n\n<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 24 days ago,\n\n"jerri makes me so :D :D :D love that she isn't afraid to be who she is. we needed someone like her!!"\n\n<html><b>rahul_cookie</b></html> posted 23 days ago,\n\n"her gf is cute"\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 23 days ago,\n\n"yassssss"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 23 days ago,\n\n"I wonder if there will be more queer Estrella Girls, or will Jerri be the only one?"\n\nThere are no more replies.\n\n[[Do a new search.]]

One Jerri's a star. She's important. She stands for everything queer and positive. The other Jerri's been struggling. She watches Estrella Girl Jerri from her side of the mirror. She should be happy. She should be a lot of things...\n\nShe shouldn't feel like she's someone different from Estrella Girl Jerri. She's the same person. She's bouncy, she's happy, she's never sad. She does everything right the first time. She's cute. She never fights with her girlfriends. She has no room in her life for problems.\n\nYou thought you were doing a good job of hiding what you're going through, but apparently you were wrong. You call Nayeli into the room. "We're going out tonight."\n\n"Okay," she says. You're surprised she doesn't have a problem with it.\n\n"Are you going to get us a discount on everything? We got one when we went to Red Lady's. That was awesome." Taya says.\n\n"No, I'd rather go as [[a normal person]]," you tell her.

If you did that...\n\nIf you took that walk...\n\nYou'd go in and sit down in the back so no one would notice you. <<if $company>>You'd wear a cap pulled low over your eyes and a scarf thick enough to come over your mouth.<<endif>>\n\nYou'd watch over all the acts as they go up for the open mic, waiting for the one you're looking for. And when she does step on, carrying her guitar, she'll miss you in the audience at first. That's why she'll be able to say that she's dedicating her song to a lost love.\n\nWhen she reaches her last note, you'll catch her eye.\n\n[[You'll catch her eye, and you'll both smile.|theend]]

"As spoken by my favorite little green man, 'do or do not. There is no try.'" Sarai grins.\n\n"Yeah, you should go to bed just for saying that." Nayeli says with a sigh. Her sigh is so deep it's like she's been putting up with bad quotes for years. Sarai kisses your forehead then skips off to the bathroom to brush her teeth.\n\nYou don't notice that Nayeli's gone until she comes back with a pillow and blankets for you.\n\n"Hey, while we're alone, I wanted to check your pulse on everything. You're cool with this, right? Sarai told me you were, but this is my first time doing something like this so I just wanted to hear it from you that you were okay and stuff. Yeah." The words tumble out of you.\n\nShe lays the blanket over your legs and tucks the pillow off to the side. "It's not a big deal. There's better things to worry about than you."\n\n* [[Press]].\n* [[Let it go]].

She claps her book closed. "We should do something fun tonight. It's Saturday! I know a club we can totally get into. It's dark so no one will bother you. <<if $openmic>>You won't have to wear a cat mask.<<endif>>"\n\n"<<if $openmic>>Yeah, as long as I don't have to wear that stupid mask, I'm in.<<else>>I'm in as long as it's dark.<<endif>>"\n\n"We should make Nayeli come. Sarai's working late."\n\n"I don't know...Nayeli's not a fan of crowds."\n\n"Oh, c'mon. Invite her!" Taya encourages you. "This way me and Nayeli can like, tag-team to get you out of your [[funk]]. I can't do it alone."

"She's my other girlfriend. She's not the only one, either. I know you all might be shocked right now, but who I am and what I'm doing with my life isn't strange. It's normal. This is me. I'm a polyamor—"<<set $othergirlfriend = true>>\n\nYou shut the television off. You don't need to re-live that again.\n\nYou told Nayeli and Sarai to watch the press conference with you. They're both equally surprised at what you said.\n\n"Was Estrella okay with that?" Nayeli asks.\n\n"N-no, they weren't." You hide your face in the fabric of the couch, not wanting either of them to see you cry.\n\n"You might not think it right now, but you did a good thing for people like us," Sarai rubs your back.\n\nYou wonder when you'll [[start thinking|you wish you were alone]] that.

Nayeli, one of Sarai's [[girlfriends]], lives with her. She [[doesn't speak much]] when you're introduced to her, and that doesn't change over dinner. Several times, you try to spark up some conversation with her, but she's not having it. You'd have more luck getting a fox to hatch out of an egg.\n\nShe's more preoccupied with [[texting on her phone]] than anything else. Part of you wants to toss her phone into a blender and push the "on" button.\n\nThe three of you sit on the scratched-up couch, eating the baked ziti that Sarai made to welcome you to your new home.\n\nWhen Nayeli stretches, you notice that she's got a cartoon gecko tattooed on her bicep.\n\n* [[Ask Nayeli about the gecko.]]\n* [[Keep eating your dinner.]]

"I'd like to stay with both of you," you say.\n\n<<if $stayed_second>>"So in the end, you're picking everyone," Taya points out.\n\n"I care about all of you. I didn't want to leave you." You couldn't do it.\n\n"That's cool..."\n\n<<endif>>"Thank you," Sarai says.\n\n"Yeah, [[thanks|endmoment]], Jerri." Taya smiles.

Over the next few weeks, you fall into a pattern with your girlfriends and your work life. Things become routine. You work hard at Estrella Entertainment HQ, eat a globally-themed lunch with Ashley Evans, and go home. You cook and watch cardistry videos with Sarai, play music and sing with Nayeli, and go on dates and have adventures around the city with Taya.\n\nThe song you were working on is finished. It has the potential to hit the radio waves.\n\nYou've debuted as the latest in a long line of Estrella Girls. They had a grand ceremony for it. You went to the after-party solo, on Shannon's orders. They're putting the finishing touches on their plans for you.\n\nYou'll come out to the nation, and you'll [[be a star]].

Once the lights are off, you're on each other with more confidence than you had the night before. You guide her to the places you need her the most. She's a fast learner.<<set $starry2 = true>>\n\nAfterwards, you [[fall asleep]], her head against your chest.

Once she brings the song to a good stopping point, you put don the guitar and clap for her. "That was fun. Thanks for letting me play with you. You're such a good singer. <<if $cool_song>>That end note you reached on that tater tot line was superb.<<endif>><<if $sad_song>>That vulture screech you did at the end was superb.<<endif>>"\n\n"Thanks for putting up with my shit." Nayeli smiles. "Heart-to-hearts are difficult for me, but this? I can do this all day."\n\n"That song was a heart-to-heart?"\n\n<<if $sad_song>>"Vulture culture's about being okay with picking up the scraps. The song's about fighting against that."\n\n"Pretty sure vultures do that to live."\n\n"It's a song. Have a little imagination," she pushes your [[shoulder]].<<endif>><<if $cool_song>>"The only way to get tater tots for breakfast is to be a bad kid. Bad kids get wrecked, though, and that sucks. It's a metaphor."\n\n"What's bad about tater tots for breakfast? It'd be like having hash browns on the side."\n\n"It's a song. Have a little imagination," she pushes your [[shoulder]].<<endif>>

"You're welcome to stay at my place," she continues. "Your timing's pretty great, since our last roommate ended her lease. I'll have to float it by my girlfriends if you want a longterm arrangement, but they know enough about you that I'm sure they'll be okay with it."\n\nA pit forms in your stomach. Yeah, you've been aware that Sarai has other people in her life (she told you that on your first date), but unlike your "people," she's got serious "girlfriend status" people. Sarai's the most serious person you're with at the moment, or rather she's the only person you've got right now.\n\nEveryone else got tired of your shit.\n\nFriends, lovers, family.\n\nSarai's your only life line.\n\n"If I move in, does that make us girlfriends?"\n\n"I've thought of you as my girlfriend for a while now, but if you want to make it official and all, sure." Sarai takes a sip from her matcha green tea. "We can be girlfriends [[if you move in.]]"

{Time}[[...|part2]]...

"I just got back from the store." Taya holds up her bags, as if it isn't obvious. "Figured I'd be nice and drop off a bunch of food for everyone. You'd be shocked at how much two girls eat. Um, three, now that you're here. Cool."\n\n"You're not having any of it?"\n\n"Nah, I can't stay tonight." She puts the bags in the kitchen. "I'd love to, but I've got class in the morning. The professor takes attendance and I already missed twice. One more miss and I lose all my particpation points."\n\n"That sucks!"\n\n"I know! It's literally the worst." Taya grabs the video game controller. "Are you using the TV?"\n\nIt's off. "No."\n\n"Got it," she says as she takes off her backpack. It makes a thud when [[it hits the ground]].

"Okay. Do you want to play or should I? The other person sings."\n\n"I'll play. I want to hear you sing." You take the guitar from her and get into position, crossing your legs so the guitar can balance better. "Do you have a song in mind, or...?"\n\n"We'll make one up. Lay down a steady rhythm."\n\n"And what chords do you want?"\n\n<<if $sad_song>>"G, A minor, C, and D."<<endif>><<if $cool_song>>"I don't know. Something punchy. Make it cool. Bounce around some bar chords of D, E, A, and B."<<endif>>\n\nYou slide her guitar pick out of the strings it's wedged between and get to playing. She watches you intently as you do. You mess up a couple of times, but she doesn't say anything. She just watches and waits.\n\nThen, she [[starts singing]].\n

You get ready for bed. You splash water on your face and look at yourself in the mirror.\n\n<<if $threes>>You haven't had sex with them both at once since that night. Did you do something wrong? Did you do too much to one of them and not enough to the other? Too fast? Too slow? You thought you'd been okay, but okay's not good enough. You should've been better than okay.\n\nThen they'd both want you again. Never rest on "okay."\n\nShould you try starting it up tonight or should you let it go? It may have been something that'll have to stay as a memory.<<endif>><<if $starry == true and $threes == false>>You've been in this polyship for over a month now and so far, you haven't had any group sex. Isn't that a hallmark of a polyamorous relationship? Everyone's supposed to share the same bed, and share themselves at the same time. You read all about it.\n\nAre you doing something wrong? Have they compared notes together to figure out that you're not worth their time? It's not like you're ever left in the cold, but one person can only provide so much warmth.\n\nMaybe you're the problem. Maybe something about you isn't working for them.<<endif>><<if not $starry>>You haven't taken the next step with Nayeli yet. It's not like it's required or anything like that... You don't want to push her if she's not ready and willing.\n\nYou kiss sometimes, but it never gets too hot and heavy. Are you the issue? Does she think she has to wait for your permission?\n\nIn the beginning, everything was all about your choices, your permission to take certain actions. It could be that she's waiting for you to make a decision on this matter, too. You're not used to relationships working this way, with all of this waiting...\n\nMaybe she's not interested in a sexual relationship with you. Just because she's a cam girl, or she's having sex with your other girlfriends, doesn't mean she has to have sex with you at the drop of a hat. It's up to you.<<endif>>\n\nYou fix your hair into [[a loose ponytail]] and get yourself to bed.

What about you? What do you need now, after everything you've been hrough with them? More flexibility or a polyfamily? The first option clashes too much with Sarai's ideals, so it's one way or the other.\n\n*[[Break up wih Sarai]].\n*[[Stay with Sarai|yeahsarai][$stayed_first = true]].

"It's the last one," Nayeli says. "I'll...I'll stop. I don't know what the fuck I'll do but I'll stop."<<set $stopcam = true>>\n\n"[[Thank you|requestmoment]]," Sarai says. She's relieved.

"Sure."\n\nTaya leans over and slips your straw into her mouth. Without breaking eye contact, she takes in a long drag of the Autumn Delight. "Yours is <html><i>so</i></html> good." She says it in a way that would normally be reserved for the bedroom.\n\nYou look away. She starts laughing. "So, you never told me why you picked Chemistry as your major," she says.\n\n"I loved AP Chem in high school. Being a chemist might've worked out for me but I had to give this a try." You taste her lipstick on your straw.\n\n"Sometimes the things you think you love turn out to be different from what you expect. I was a Software Engineering major for a split second. Hated it. I'd rather do databasing and networking."\n\n"Is that [[what you do for fun]]? That is, if you have any time in your life for fun. You seem like a busy woman."

"Sarai's a big girl. She can handle it," Nayeli says.\n\n"So am I a little girl if it's harder for me to handle?"\n\n"No. We all get jealous. Some of us cope with it better, that's all."\n\n"That's all? That sucks."\n\n"We manage it," she says. "Some people see jealousy as something ugly that you have to deny, deny, deny, but I don't. I live through it like all the other shit I live through.'\n\n"Oh...wanna talk about it?"\n\n"Let's shut up and do something better."\n\nYou relent, and it is better than talking. [[Way better|waiting]].

"Yeah. I keep thinking that any day now they'll finalize what image they want to have, but I think there's been some setbacks," you say. "I might get to record something soon. That'll be nice."\n\n"I'll play your song 500 times on repeat."\n\n"Please don't."\n\nTaya and Nayeli come back into the living room.\n\n"Did I hear something about you making a song soon?" Taya pumps her fist in the air. "I can't believe I'm going on a date with a celebrity. This weekend's going to be <<if $route_a>>[[the best day of my life]]<<else>>[[the best day of my life|pleasework]]<<endif>>."

<html><b>PumpkinButterfly</b></html> posted 18 days ago,\n\n"Where can I find Jerri's girlfriend's dress? This is the picture."\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 18 dayss ago,\n\n"I think I found something like that at H&M! See the link."\n\n<html><b>mysteriosa</b></html> posted 18 days ago,\n\n"She has a name!! It's Taylor!!!"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 18 days ago,\n\n"No. It's Taya. She said in an interview that she hates being called Taylor. She changed her name to Taya."\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 16 days ago,\n\n"ew y is it spelled like thaaaaaaaattttt"\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 16 days ago,\n\n"Ew, why do you type like that?"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 16 days ago,\n\n"I've reported you to the mods. Please remember the rules of this site, nerdygirl14.\n\nBack on topic, I found a similar dress at Forever 21. Here's a link."\n\n<html><b>PumpkinButterfly</b></html> posted 16 days ago,\n\n"Thank you so much, everyone! Sorry for not knowing her name. I forgot it. Forgive me. ^_^ Bye!!"\n\nThere are no more replies.\n\n[[Do a new search.|search]]

"We have group exercises again tomorrow morning, don't we?" You bite into your tomato and pesto chicken sandwich.\n\n"Yeppers!"\n\n"Kill me now."\n\n"I love group work outs. They're awesome!" For as angelic as she looks, Ashley Evans might as well be a devil for the blasphemy she's spouting. "It's fun being surrounded by so many talented individuals in one place. It helps put things in perspective and, like, remind me that their talent's all within reach."\n\n"More like it's miles, no, galaxies away...but I guess I get what you're saying." Today's session made you feel like you could be squashed under most of the other Estrella Girls' boots. It's going to take a lot out of you to spin that experience positively. "They're targets."\n\n"Do you have anything scheduled for [[this afternoon]]?"

And you...\n\nYou'll keep living in pursuit of your dreams,\n\n[[whatever they may be.|theend]]

"I know what the problem is." Taya begins. "This whole thing has to organically become a quad."\n\n"Yes," Nayeli agrees. "This should be more like a series of relationships. The quad's still there but it's...separate at the same time. One plus one plus one plus one."\n\nSarai glances over at you. "What's your ideal situation?"\n\n*[[The loving quad set-up.|speechwriter]]\n*[[Separate relationships.|speechwriter]]

"I give up." Nayeli throws up her hands and storms back into her room, done with the situation. You jump when she slams the door.<<set $taya_covered>>\n\nYou're glad she left. This means that nothing can get any worse...hopefully. Taya bursts out into laughter, whether out of amusement or nervousness, you can't tell.\n\n"Why'd you cover for me?" You ask her.\n\n"Nayeli was being mean for no good reason. She needed to be put in her place," Taya replies. "Anyway...what was it that we were talking about?"\n\n"Date night plans."\n\n"Yeah! [[Date night plans|continuation]]. Hm..."

You choose a row that allows you to see the screen without hurting your neck. A swarm of kids enter and pile into the front. There's enough of them that you wonder if they're on a school fieldtrip. One of them screams about something they saw on Vine.\n\n"We should've picked an R-rated movie," you say to Sarai. It'd be less of a headache.\n\n"We did." Sarai shrugs. "They're teenagers. We were all like them once. Hey, I bet some of them might be into you... These are the people you've got to win over."\n\nA bunch of coming attractions are playing for upcoming television shows, movies, and documentaries, one after the other. The teens up at the front shriek about the latest actor that's popped up on the screen. Carlos something-or-another. Your mother always thought he was cute in a rugged vaquero sort of way. Said actor's sitting in a chair, trying to promote a telenovela he's in about him juggling two mistresses and a wife.\n\n"If this is what they're into, I don't know if I [[want to win]] them over..."\n\n

"If my pillow was closer, I'd whack you in the head with it. I hope you know that." Nayeli plays a couple of chords she listed that were in the G key. She closes her eyes, a small smile on her face. It's like you're witnessing a reunion of longtime friends.\n\n"Um...sorry to interrupt, but...you're not mad about what happened last Saturday, are you?"\n\n"If it happens again," she strikes the E minor chord three times in a row to underscore her point, "I'm going to be angry at both of you. You don't take drugs without giving your girlfriend a heads up first. Fuck, I don't even think that shit you guys took was straight MDMA. Anything could've been mixed in that."\n\nNayeli plays another dark sequence of notes. "Is that why you guys invited me, so that I could [[be your chaperone]]? How was I supposed to enjoy my time if I was chasing after you idiots, huh?"

You run straight into your bedroom and collapse onto the floor, your heart pounding rapidly. <<if $starry or $starry2>>Yes, you'd had sex with her before, but you hadn't actually <html><i>seen</i></html> her naked. <<endif>>That was not how you wanted to see Nayeli like that for the first time.\n\nYou walked in on her and her private time with Taya. Sarai was working late, so it couldn't have been her. It had to have been with Taya.\n\nHow are you ever going to live this down? You [[roll over onto your side]].

...{moves}[[...|part3]]

You deleted your parents' cellphone numbers from your contacts list a long time ago, but you've never forgotten them. You used to call them late at night when you were at college. They were your compasses, your guides in life for everything. They were with you through every up and down, every bad score on a midterm exam, every Research Day poster presentation, and every time you made a new friend.\n\nThose exams are history.\n\nThose posters are in the trash.\n\nThose friends are gone.\n\nThose days and nights of calling them about your successes and failures are over. \n\nYou've gone from 97 on the Pickford Top 100 Chart to 75. You've got more music videos and more singles. You're making appearances all over the place. You're an actual, [[honest-to-goodness singer]].

You flinch at Nayeli's harsh tone but Taya shrugs it off like it's no big deal. She checks her nails, looking nonchalant as she says, "fuck off, Yeli. No one cares about that stupid guitar. It's not even like you're playing shows anymore so it's not like you need to keep it pretty."\n\n"Go fuck yourself," she mutters.\n\n"Ha! I can touch <html><i>my</i></html> guitar as much as I want. I bought it."\n\n"With your dad's money."\n\n"So the fuck what?" That must've struck a nerve. "I gave it to you and I can take it away just as fast. I'll play with it all I want to and there's nothing you can do about it."\n\n*[[Interject and admit that you played it.]]\n*[[Let Taya continue to take the fall.]]

The acoustic guitar and empty keyboard stand catch your eye first. From there, your eyes wander over to a bag on the floor stuffed with binders, notebooks, a stethoscope, some weird scissors, and white shoes. A layer of dust tells you it's been some time since the bag's been moved.\n\nA desktop computer sits on a cherry wood desk. Blue lights shine periodically from it. Cables run from it to a guitar amp. You don't see an electric guitar around. Maybe it's been put away?\n\nYou have to keep yourself from laughing at their anime girl mousepads. It's one of the ones with added wrist support in the form of the girl's breasts. [[Interesting taste.]]

"You could've taken some too. Taya acted like you turned it down."\n\n"There's no way in hell that I would. I hate feeling out of control." Nayeli calms down her playing. "...Have you fully come down from it? Sometimes it messes with people's heads and doesn't let go. I've seen it happen with Taya. She was depressed for weeks after her last time doing it."\n\n"I have a hard time picturing Taya depressed."\n\n"It's not good. You know how Ecstasy works, right? It blasts your serotonin levels way high, and then you crash way low. It doesn't happen for everyone, but it did happen that way for Taya." She does another run up a scale. "I'm worried about her. I don't even know why she'd take that shit after [[the bad reaction]] she had."

"Of course," Nayeli walks over to it, brushing her fingers down its neck. Pride lights up in her eyes. "Sarai's tone deaf. Taya doesn't know how to hold a guitar without dropping it. They're a mess."\n\n"We should play together some time." This is your chance to get to know her through the power of music.\n\n"No, we shouldn't." ...So much for that. "Our styles would clash. You're too...girl-with-a-guitar sounding. Sarai showed me some of your stuff."\n\n"Pretty sure you sound like one too. You're a girl with a guitar too."\n\n"No. You treat your guitar like it's a background piece. I treat mine with respect." She sits down on the bed and yawns into her hand. "I don't expect you to get that. You're a 'me, me, me' pop singer. You're in the [[most selfish genre]] of music there is."

"—you're not 14 so stop acting like it—"\n\n"Bite me!" Taya sticks her tongue out at her.\n\n"We've got to take her home," Nayeli says, turning to you. "The last thing we need is for anyone to find out about this. It's fucked up how Taya's the smartest and most stupid girl I've ever met."\n\n"Ha, joke's on you!" Taya squeals. "I'm not alone this time. You never want to do it with me, but Jerri took it. Jerri's my dream girl."\n\n"What?" Nayeli's fury changes directions.\n\n"It's E. Everyone does E," you say. Life's been hard on you. You want to be someone else for a while and have an out-of-body experience. You don't want to be a perfect angel. You don't want to be the person down on Earth looking up at that warped version of yourself. For one night, you just want to fly.\n\nWhen's it going to [[kick in]]?

"Estrella must've used this incident as a stepping stool for everyone else." They jumped on your broken back to vaul themselves ahead.\n\n"That sucks...I really liked meeting you and getting to know you."\n\nThere's something suspicious about the way Ashley Evans is acting. You're not sure what.\n\n*[[Ask her if she had anything to do with the picture|Ask her if she had a hand in it]].\n*[[Let it go|ASHLEY]].

"Do you want to have sex tonight?" Nayeli asks you, like she's asking you if you want to go play guitar with her. She's so casual about it. "It's not very romantic but ask and ye shall receive."\n\n*[[Some other time]].\n*[[Now]].

You all get ready. You and Taya make sure to make yourselves look a little more mysterious. On the way out the door, Nayeli looks at Taya's outfit in confusion.\n\n"Why are you wearing sunglasses?" She asks her.\n\n"Because I'm famous."\n\n"Barely."\n\n"More famous than you."\n\n"Can we not fight on one of the rare nights out that we have together? Thanks," you say. Sometimes, it feels like you're [[wrangling children]] when you're hanging out with the two of them.

You're mindful of the rules whenever you go out with Taya, Nayeli, and Sarai. Movie dates are one of the few things you can do as a group. You're too afraid of being recognized otherwise. Daytime trips are reserved for Taya only.\n\nActually, those aren't the only things reserved or her. When Nayeli gets butter on her face, you can't wipe it off of her. When Sarai's looking for a hand to hold, you can't offer yours. You don't want to look suspicious. You have to look like a "normal" girl with a "normal" girlfriend out with their two friends. There can't be any strings.\n\nIt hurts to watch Sarai openly be with Nayeli. You wonder if Taya hurts as much as you do, or if she's just good at hiding it. She's more experienced at this sort of thing. You're the newcomer.\n\nYou wish that there was a way to [[get out of your head|Close your laptop]] and away from everything.\n\n

It's the end of another day at Estrella Entertainment HQ and you're getting your things out of your locker as you think back to your last conversation with Shannon. She told you that you'd have to sever all your ties with your "mistake."\n\nNo interacting with her. No being seen in public with her.\n\nNayeli had to be blacklisted.\n\nShannon said that this was part of the damage control. She gave you an ultimatum. It was your relationship with Nayeli or your relationship with Estrella Entertainment.\n\nWhich did you tell her was more important? What did you do in that meeting?\n\n*[[You quit][$quit = true]].\n*[[You remained with the company][$company = true]].

They wind up putting you in a cat masquerade mask, a knit ski cap, and one of Nayeli's old leather jackets. You don't know why they had a cat mask in their apartment. You don't want to ask. To match with you, Nayeli's wearing a cat headband (how Taya convinced her to wear that was a straight-up miracle).\n\nYou yawn in your seat. Your turn's coming up soon. Nayeli's focused on her cellphone. Sarai's entranced by the performance that's going on—some girl banging away at her guitar like it's a drum while she sings about her ex-boyfriend leaving her. You can't wait for it to end.\n\nTaya says, "I can get you a coffee if you're falling asleep."\n\n"I cut caffeine out of my diet. It's not the best thing to be drinking all the time..." Then again, you don't want to mess up the performance by being sluggish.\n\n*[[Get coffee]].\n*[[Don't get coffee][$willpower = $willpower + 1]].

Before you moved in, Sarai had explained in detail what being her girlfriend entailed. Her girlfriends are in a network. <html><i>The girlfriend of my girlfriend is my girlfriend.</i></html> How you get there is up to you, but it's expected that you, and the rest of your girlfriends (you guess) do your best to get to know one another.\n\nDidn't Nayeli get a speech about this? You got the whole run-down from Sarai, including the bylines and all the ultra-fine print. Did Sarai skip out on telling Nayeli all of that?\n\n<html><i>Or Nayeli heard it and just doesn't give a shit about any of this. That's a strong possibility.</i></html>\n\n"Hey, Jerri..." Sarai starts. "Since you don't have a bed, you can [[sleep on my side of the bed|take my half]]. I'll take the couch."

You let them go. You choose to stay with Sarai. Once the door closes, Sarai collapses onto the couch in tears. You put your hands on her shoulders. She doesn't reject your touch this time.\n\n"Why'd you stay?"\n\n*[[Love|overwhelm][$love1 = true]].\n*[[Pity|overwhelm]].\n*[[Don't know|overwhelm]].

The door finally opens and out steps Nayeli, a backpack on her back and a zipped-up guitar case in her hands. It would be one thing if she looked pissed off, but her face is blank. Neutral. This scares you more than anything else.\n\n"Drop it!" Taya snaps at her.\n\n"Fuck it," she deadpans as she lets the guitar go. It clunks onto the wood floor.\n\nSarai's sobbing too hard to speak. Taya leaves your grasp to hold her. She yells at Nayeli in Sarai's place. "Look at what you did to her."\n\n"I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about any of you anymore."\n\nNayeli walks out the door. She shuts it [[quietly]] behind her.

You kiss Sarai first. It's fast, cut off when Nayeli pulls you down on top of her.\n\n"Hey, be more careful," Sarai chides her. "She's not a doll."\n\n"Exactly."\n\nYou're in for [[quite the night|waiting]].<<set $tired = true>><<set $threes = true>>

Nayeli comes over to the table when she's done. "Hope I didn't embarrass you too badly." She pats you on the back.\n\n"I think you killed her," Taya says. "Is there enough room in your trunk for a dead body, Sarai?"\n\n"I don't know. Why are you asking me that?" Sarai misses the joke.\n\nYou finally look up. Nayeli asks you, "what did you think?"\n\n"My opinion matters too." Taya coughs. "You were awesome."\n\n"Yeah, it was great seeing you perform again." Sarai smiles at her.\n\n"I didn't suck, did I?" She pokes your arm.\n\n"No, you were amazing. I've never heard my song like that. It was...awesome." Your cheeks [[burn]].

"Where's Nayeli?" Sarai lets go of you and slides off her blazer.\n\n"Holed up in her room doing her usual bitchy thing," Taya says. She plops herself down onto the couch, making herself comfortable. You're glad you have some solidarity when it comes to Nayeli, but you can't help but wonder if Taya's being a little too harsh.\n\nOh, well...it isn't exactly your business. Everyone's relationship functions differently.\n\n"Since we're all here, we should have a group meeting. Sorry for the short notice, but I think it's best to do this with all of us here." Sarai says. "We should get everything out of the way now."\n\n"I'll get Nayeli, then." You [[wish Taya luck]].\n\n

Taya lowers her voice. "It sucks being left out of everything just because I don't live with you guys. It's not like I don't hear about what you do."\n\nOh...\n\nShe must be talking about <html><i>that</i></html>...\n\n"I'm sorry," you say.\n\n"It's cool. I asked for this when I told Sarai not to force us to have a quad thing. I just didn't account for being left in the dust."\n\n*[[Ask her to stay the night]].\n*[[Reassure her that she's not]].

"The ceiling."\n\n"Did all of this go over your head?" Taya frowns.\n\n"No, I was just being funny. I know what you meant."\n\n"Good." Taya's frown becomes a [[smile|smirks]].

Thursday comes and goes.\n\nYou meet Shannon in her office on Friday. She shakes out a cinnamon shaker into her coffee, staring at you over the rim of her glases. Coffee's on the list of food you've had to give up. You forgot if it was your vocal coach or your fitness instructor that banned you from coffee. The two of them have been banning things from you left and right, so it could've been both of them in cahoots for all you know.\n\nYou get the feeling they would've banned you from being happy if happiness wasn't one of the emotions you had to sell your audience on. They're out to get you.\n\n"It's the end of your first week at Estrella Entertainment," Shannon says once she's poured in an adequate amount of cinnamon. "How have you been [[faring]]?"

"Sweet potato rolls," you say first. Shannon recommended those. "Calamari to start."\n\n"Shrimp tempura," Taya adds.\n\n"And the salmon and avocado rolls. Thank you." You pass the waitress the menus, and she goes off to the counter to punch in your order. Taya pushes the Autumn Delight towards you, and gets started in on her Midori Sour.\n\nThe flavor's pleasantly warm. It's a bit on the sweet side.\n\n"Try some of mine," Taya holds it out to you. You take a sip, not wanting to look greedy.\n\n"Is that watermelon?"\n\n"It's melon. Can I [[have some]] of yours?"

Ashley Evans nods. "A [[bit of both|fear]] is healthy, yeah."

It's Shannon, your manager. She's so expensively dressed that she makes Sarai look poor. "Get in," she tells you, and you don't hesitate to follow her order. You've never been so thankful for heated leather seats before. "Can you explain to me why my newest talent is walking around looking like a nightwalker?"\n\n"Nightwalker?"\n\n"You look like a lady of the night. This is the sort of dirt that tabloids live for. Anyone can take your picture and spin it into a story." Shannon smells like smoke. "So tell me, what are you doing out so late in this part of town?"\n\n"Um... I'm waiting until the library's open because I don't have a place to stay." You decide to come clean. Shannon's frown deepens. "I've been couch surfing but I'm [[all out of couches]]."

"We can't be together, sorry," you tell her.\n\n"I guess there's no point in me sticking around here anymore." Nayeli says with a heavy sigh.\n\n"You can stay here for as long as you need to. I'm not putting you out on the street," Sarai says.\n\n"[[Okay|all things considered]]..."

There she is, walking up to you with a big smile on her face. "This is a nice surprise."\n\nYou hug her. You've got a backwards hat on and a pair of oversized sunglasses to hide your face. It doesn't help very much, though, because once you're seen hugging Taya, someone puts two and two together and asks for your autograph.\n\nYou sign her notebook and her friends' notebooks and urge them to keep it quiet. They scurry off.\n\n"Can we do something together soon? Just the two of us. I haven't stopped feeling like an ass about that E thing." Taya's [[lost her smile]].

"At the risk of sounding like Taya...you have to get over yourself," you tell her. "Of course you're more than a body to us. Why else would Taya buy you that guitar?"\n\n"She'll never let me forget it."\n\n"That's part of Taya's personality. She likes picking on you, but it isn't because she hates you." You say. "And Sarai is busting her ass every day to provide you a home. And me too. I ran out here to get you. You're [[not just a body|hating yourself]]."

There are a few packs of cards off to the side of the desk. You assume they must belong to Sarai. What's worrying is that one of the stacks looks burnt.\n\nA pair of heavy duty speakers sits on top of a pile of books. These women are either well-read, or like to look like they are. There's Octavia Butler's Kindred, Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's The Thing Around Your Neck, Edwidge Danticat's The Farming of Bones, Nalo Hopkinson's Midnight Robber, and James Tiptree Jr's Up the Walls of the World.\n\nThe spines of the books on the bookshelf are too far away for you to read. You can make out that there's several card trick books and an Anatomy book or two.\n\nYou tilt your head towards the guitar. "Is this [[yours]]?"

The bed's too small for four people. You figure it's best that you give the three of them their moment together. As they go into the bedrom one by one, you get yourself comfy on the couch.\n\nYou're glad you were able to get Nayeli back. You don't want to see her, or any of the rest of them, in pain like that ever again.\n\nTaya pops out of the room. "Jerri Beary..."\n\n"Please don't ever call me that again." You cringe at the nickname.\n\n"Okay. Jerri, what the hell are you doing in here? It's time for bed."\n\n"I didn't think there'd be enough room."\n\n"You're [[one of us]]. You belong in the bed too. Hurry up." Taya smiles.

The cafeteria is grand. That's the best word for it. It's all-white aside from its blue tables. There are several food stations offering healthy options ranging from vegan lunch, all-around-the-world (looks like Asian Noodles today), the daily special (that must be the fish and rice), a salad bar, and a sandwich place.\n\nEstrella Girls sit at the tables, giggling about jokes that probably aren't that funny. Executives and other business suit types chat quietly. A well-dressed janitor is mopping up a spill. You don't see Miya K, Rayna, and Lily Trilly around, not that you'd want to sit with them or anything like that. No, you've got Ashley Evans.\n\nShe says, "I think competing with people who are supposed to be your friends is silly. It's hard enough in this industry without worrying about other people from the same studio. We should support each other!"\n\n"Why [[don't]] we?"

You wake up alone the next morning. There's a cold Poptart on a plate where Nayeli should've been.<<set $route_a = true>>\n\n<<if $starry eq "yes">>Should've been? Last night didn't make her yours eternally. Don't get ahead of yourself.\n\nYou bite into the Poptart. You nearly miss the note she left for you. It's simple and to the point: HF. Is that "have fun" or "had fun?" You decide to take a pen and write something back to her.\n\n* [[A winky face.|getready]]\n* [[A smiley face.|getready]]\n* [[A heart.|getready]]\n\n<<else>>You bite into the 'tart. It could've used some serious toasting.\n\nYou get the feeling that today's going to be [[a long day]].<<endif>>

You wake up to a plate of toast and jam and a glass of orange juice waiting for you on the coffee table. <<set $backpain = true>><<set $route_b = true>>\n\nIt's a nice gesture. You guess that Sarai had time to make you breakfast before she had to go. As you chew on the toasted bread, you get the feeling that today is going to be [[a long day]].

You get in bed together about an hour later with Sarai in the middle. She didn't eat. She claimed she had take-out at work. You [[raise your blanket]] over your nose to block out the booze smell that's radiating off of her.

"Good job on laying down that rhythm, by the way. I liked what you came up with."\n\n"I used to play cover songs at bars all the time. That helped."\n\n"In a band?"\n\n"No, alone."\n\n"I was in a band until our lead singer decided her shit was better than gold. She dumped us as soon as a record label asked her to. We were left in the dirt."\n\n"We should play together sometime."\n\n"We just did."\n\n"No, live," you smile as you talk. "You're fantastic. You're better than some Estrella Girls I've heard around headquarters."\n\n"Better than a commercial pop star? I'll take it." Nayeli puts the guitar back on its stand. "If we perform together, we're going to have to do it before you're too famous and upstage me," she jokes.\n\n[[The door opens.]]\n

<html><b>38. Lily Trilly</b></html>\n37. Michelle Quigly\n36. Kellondra\n35. Toni Marxx\n34. DeLuxe\n<html><b>33. Cameo</b></html>\n32. Amelia J. Estevez\n31. Moonlight\n30. Katie BT\n29. Gloriana\n28. Mizuki Sonoda\n27. Rionne\n26. Alexa Winter\n25. Milly Saunders\n24. Alexandra Venti\n23. Minjung\n22. Prudence Bridges\n21. Belinda Fire\n\n[[59-39|59 - 39]] >> <html><b>38-21</b></html> >> [[20-1]]

You perform your song, dance steps and all, to great applause. Your audience member gives you a standing ovation. <<if $tired>>You're aware that you missed a few steps, but she's got a big enough smile on her face that you don't berate yourself for it.<<endif>>\n\n"Do people do the Jerry Springer chant at your concerts?" She cups her hands around her mouth and chants, "Jerri! Jerri! Jerri!"\n\n"Stop it." You're back to being regular Jerri. Your persona's gone, skipped off to whatever fairyland she resides in. "You're making fun of me."\n\n"Not at all! I'm, like, super impressed." She sits down. "How'd you do that leaning tower thing?"\n\n"You have to balance on your heels. You let your body fall and catch yourself. You're limp while rigid." You smile. "It took me a while to make it look good."\n\n"And it shows. You're a great dancer."\n\n"I had to become one fast."\n\n"You must be ripped, huh?"\n\n"No... Sarai says I'm getting [[less soft]], though."

That weekend, you go to a coffee house to attend an open mic show that Nayeli signed up to perform at. <<if $openmic_no>>You could've been up there on the stage with her if it weren't for your job duties.<<endif>><<if $hotel>>This is your way of making up for walking out on them with Taya before.<<endif>>\n\nYou wear a disguise—a hat, one of Sarai's blazers, and a pair of Taya's old glasses with the lenses popped out—to keep yourself from being recognized by anyone.\n\nYou share a table with Taya and Sarai. It's a low-key event. Performers go up one at a time in small groups or alone and do whatever they want in their five minute slot. You saw a pair of brothers do an interpretative dance, a woman with a finger puppet, and a violinist. You wish one of them was having an encore performance...anything to get the girl singing about her ex-boyfriend and using her guitar as a drum off the stage.\n\n"Are you excited to see Nayeli perform? Then again, you've been playing with her for a while now." Sarai says. <<if $hotel>>She's not holding the other day against you.<<endif>>\n\n"Performing with her is different from watching her," you say.\n\n"Does that mean you'll be able to say things like 'that was a little pitchy, dawg?'" Taya jokes.\n\n"She's pretty on pitch most of the time," you tell her. "Do you know what she's [[playing]]?"

Ashley Evans bounces over to you, oblivious to how harshly your jaw's set. You're done with his place and all its rules. You don't need this.\n\n"Are you leaving for the day or are you staying for extra studio time?"\n\nYou rip down your locker poster of Cameo, the one Sarai gave you as a joke. "I quit. I'm leaving forever."\n\n"Is this because of that picture? You're going to let one scandal run you off from your dreams?" Ashley Evans' frowns are as big as her smiles. It's a mildly terrifying sight.\n\n"Maybe this wasn't my dream after all. Maybe I was wrong the whole time."\n\nAshley Evans shrugs. Her frown's gone. "Okay. It's weird. The scandal's [[done wonders]] for everyone else. Our ranks have improved."

<<if $stayed_first is true and $stayed_second is true and $stayed_third is true>>"Did what I think happen just happen?" Sarai asks.\n\n"Yeah? I think we're all sort of still together." Taya scratches her head. "I mean, I guess I'm in for that. Was I not paying attention?"\n\n"We are," Nayeli says. "we are, but things are going to be different in a good way. We needed this talk. Thanks for making us have it, Jerri."\n\n"Jerri! Jerri! Jerri!"\n\n"Stop, Taya." You cringe.\n\n"Can we all hug for a minute?" Sarai asks. "I could use one."\n\n"Yeah." You join everyone for a group hug.\n\nHow long will [[these good times|...]] last?<<set $all_together_now = true>><<else>>"Are we done now?" Taya asks.\n\n"I guess so," you shrug. "Once we leave, things are going to be different."\n\n"Yep," Sarai nods. "I've got some errands to run. I have to get going."\n\n"I've got homework so I'm going to go too." Taya says.\n\n"I'm in the middle of writing a song. I'm gonna get back to that." Nayeli says.\n\n"And I'm...um, gonna go do something. I've got to take care of something."\n\n"Something?" Taya asks with a smirk.\n\n"It doesn't matter," you say.\n\nYou all [[go your separate ways|...]].<<endif>>

Shannon's eyebrow shoots straight up.\n\n"There was a roommate emergency. They kept me up," you say, trying to get her eyebrow to calm down.\n\nShe sighs. "I've seen that guilty face on hundreds of other girls' faces. I get it. Other people can be nice, but you have to take this seriously. This is your job, so act like it. This is especially important now that you've had your debut." Shannon pushes up her glasses. "You're at a critical point in your career. Don't let your personal life ruin that. Now, I'd like to go over the main reason I called you here today: we've figured out [[your image]]."

It's like she's doing everything in her power to keep her distance from you, even though you're in the exact same room. You look at her, and she looks away. You start talking, and she shuts up. How does Sarai expect you two to ever [[get along|might be over]]?

The atmosphere in Kitagawa's is relaxed. The decor calls on shades of red and brown. Well-dressed couples chat in low voices, providing a low hum beneath the gentle Japanese music that's playing.\n\nYou sit in a booth waiting for your date. You're on your third glass of water and it's only been twenty minutes. You haven't had first date jitters like this in a long time. You're supposed to be cool. You're supposed to be an Estrella Girl: confident, radiant, and—\n\nnot sitting with your mouth hanging open when your date arrives at your table.\n\n"Hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long." Taya's makeup game is on point. "It took me longer to get ready than I expected." She sits across from you.\n\n*[[Tell her she didn't have to.|Tell her she looks amazing.]]\n*[[Tell her she looks amazing.|Tell her she didn't have to.]]

"She's not a celebrity. She's a pop star," Nayeli says. "She'll be a one hit wonder if she's lucky."\n\n<<if $starry>>"Is this how you treat all the girls you fuck?"\n\nThe room goes silent. Nayeli's eyes widen to the point you're afraid they'll pop out of her head.\n\n"You guys had sex?" It takes Sarai asking that for you to realize that you were the one with the outburst. She sucks in her bottom lip.\n\n"I-I thought [[you wanted us]] to," you stutter.<<else>>"Are you pissed off at me because I didn't sleep with you?"\n\nTaya gasps dramatically. "Drama, drama!"\n\n"No fucking way. You make it sound like I was all over you. If you're trying to make me look bad in front of Sarai and Taya, it's not working," Nayeli fumes. "They know me too well for [[that shit to work]]."<<endif>>

"Don't lie to her, Taya." Lies would make things worse. "Nayeli needs to come clean."\n\nNayeli's sitting up at this point, Taya's arms still protectively around her. Taya says, "shut up. What the fuck are you saying, Jerri?"\n\n"Wow, you were all in on it. That's great. Fantastic." Sarai shakes her head.\n\n"Taya didn't know about it. If she did, she would've stopped me." Nayeli's words come out slowly. "Jerri found out because she caught me doing it. I didn't want you to find ou this way, Sarai, I swear."\n\n"You didn't want me to find out at all."\n\nNayeli [[gets quiet]].

"Would you guys like to spend the night together one last time?" Sarai asks. "Oh, and I'm not kicking out you or Nayeli. And Taya, you're welcome to come over whenever you want. The nature of our relationship may change, but I'm still who I am. This apartment's an open door for all of you."\n\n"Thank you. I'll move out as soon as I can." Nayeli takes her hands off of her face.\n\n"Yeah, I'll stay the night for old times' sake. One last hurrah." Taya says.\n\n"Same," Nayeli says.\n\n*[[Join them]].\n*[[Go elsewhere]].

"I'm breaking up with you, Taya."\n\n"What?" It's like all the wind has been knocked out of her "Fucking seriously?"\n\n"I'm sorry. I can't be everything you need," you say. "We've got to break up."\n<<if $stayed_first>>\n"Let me guess," she says. "You're going to stay with Nayeli? The three musketeers. Of course, of course... You guys wanted it this way all along but didn't know how to break it to me."\n\n"We didn't," Nayeli says.\n\n"It's all about what's best for everyone," you tell her.<<endif>>\n\n"You can dress it up like that all you want, but I know what the truth is." Taya doesn't let up. She sighs and [[looks off to the side|okdecision]].

"I've got to go, sorry," you lie. "Estrella scheduled me for something so I've got to get going."\n\nIt's better to walk away now and avoid the temptation of getting pulled back in.\n\nYes, this way is better. <<if $company>>Your career will thank you for it.<<endif>>\n\nYou leave soon after that.\n\n[[...]]

"I'm...I'm breaking up with you, Sarai." You tell her. <<if $company>>"I'm not sure I have the time to commit to a group in the way you think I should. I nearly lost my career over everything that happened. I can't go through that again."<<endif>>\n\n"I understand. I thought this would happen," Sarai mumbles.\n\n"I'll stay with you, Sarai, as long as you keep your promise." Nayeli says.\n\n"Thank you." Sarai smiles sadly.\n\n"I'll be going too." Taya says.\n\n"You'll be happier that way," Nayeli [[says|nextdecision]].

You let it go.\n\nYou're never going to know who leaked that photo to the press.\n\n"Thank you for being my friend, Ashley Evans. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your career." You give her a farewell that Shannon would've been proud of you for.\n\n"That's what friends are for." Ashley Evans beams.\n\nYou're done with everything Estrella-related. You just want to [[go home]].

Do your parents watch you on TV? You're making appearances wherever you can. Talk shows, interviews, conferences, concerts, meet-and-greets.\n\nWhat do they think of you now? Are they ashamed that you're known as Estrella Entertainment's queer idol? They shunned you for something that's turned you into a solid star. You've risen above them.\n\nDo they ever pick up the phone and think about calling you, just like you're doing now? Do they wish, do they hope that you'll be around for the holidays? Have they kept your spot at the table empty?\n\n[[You'll never know|Close your laptop2]].

<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"Terri is over. :'( I hate this! jifsijasfnfsianiaufs"\n\n<html><b>nerdygirl14</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"whos the homewrecking bitch"\n\n<html><b>estrellaisbestrella</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"We need to remain civilized. I'm not happy but we don't need to call anyone a bitch. Jerri's not who I thought she was."\n\n<html><b>Pinky</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"I'm in shock. They were perfect for each other."\n\n<html><b>hardboiledeggs</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"lets find taya's number ;)"\n\n<html><b>JNFan</b></html> posted 1 day ago:\n\n"I feel like I've been LIED to."\n\n[[Next page.]]

She lays down on the bed and drags the room service menu over to read it. You hadn't noticed it beneath the telephone. <<if $bull>>"Hey, Jerri, this may sound weird, but I have to remind you that I'm not looking for a pity fuck. That's not why I brought you here."\n\n"Yeah, I understand."<<endif>>\n\n"You can have anything you want from the menu. I'll cover it." Taya says. "It's the least I can do to make up for that shit show we just went through."\n\n"I'm the one that caused it." You sit on the edge of the bed and put your head in your hands. "Nayeli was right. I wasn't thinking enough." What if Nayeli and Sarai hate you now?\n\n"There's no use in beating yourself up over it. If it makes you feel better, you can tell your manager you're not seeing anyone anymore. You can say something like your girlfriend wasn't ready to go forward with all of this publicity."\n\n"[[Are you?]]"

The movie starts. <<if $horror>>You're surprised that there's a bit of romance in it. Of course, the love interest dies first when one of the rides malfunctions. This is what sets off the flooding in the facility.<<else>>The cyborgs openly show their metal joints without shame. The android is covered in synthetic skin, and that scares the cyborgs. There's nothing real about the android. It's a walking puppet, armed to the teeth with uncanny valley and stiff emotions.<<endif>>\n\nYou slip your free hand into Taya's. Sarai hasn't let go of your other one. She's enthralled in the film, holding you tighter whenever something tense happens on the screen.\n\nTaya nuzzles against you in response. When you lean over to have some of her icee, you see the wife staring at you disapprovingly, as if she can't believe how blantantly loose you are. Is she upset because you're being affectionate towards a woman, or is it because you're being affectionate with two women at the same time? \n\nOr maybe you're projecting, and she's upset about the stock market. The stock market's always crashing, so [[that must be it]].

Shannon drinks down more of her coffee. "That's good. The LGBTQ demographic is on the rise. It's a good time to be a lesbian star. A couple months ago, maybe not so much, but your people have been making strides. The time is now."\n\n"Is that what you'll have me debut as?"\n\n"We've got market testing to do. We have to see if it's a viable image for you to have. If a more conservative audience proves more profitable, then that's the way that we will go." Shannon grumbles, "it's the conservatives who have money. Parents are the ones buying."\n\n"Or their kids just borrow their credit cards."\n\n"Same thing. I'll add this note to your file and get our research team to work." Shannon jots the word LESBIAN on a sticky note and smacks it down onto her desk. "Now what was it that you were saying about [[this girlfriend of yours]]?"

You enter a bar and try to turn up your...\n* [[Charm|fail]]\n* [[Sexiness|fail]]\n* [[Energy|fail]]

A week's gone by since that terrible fight. You asked everyone to meet and talk in the apartment. The air's thick with tension. You're sitting in a circle, you on the couch with Sarai, and Taya and Nayeli in chairs facing the couch.\n\nSarai's got her hands in her lap, no doubt to hide how much they're quivering. Nayeli keeps her gaze straight ahead. Taya keeps messing with her hair. You're not faring well, either. Your foot won't stop tapping.\n\n<<if $went_with_them>>Over the past week, the three of you had bounced around between hotels and Taya's dorm. It felt like you were hiding in secrecy.<<else>>You think abou the nights you spent soothing Sarai to sleep, how badly cut up inside she is over the entire situation. You hid the bottles you could find in he apartments to keep her from making a mess of herself again.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $company>>Everything Shannon's been telling you at work has been weighing on your soul. She suggested that you cut out all of your distractions. She may have meant Nayeli specifically, but you're beginning to wonder how much of a distraction the rest of them are. Can you be a lover and a singer? Does one of them have to give? You're not sure. You're [[not a super idol|floor]]. You're human.<<else>>You haven't had the heart to tell any of them that you're no longer an idol. How will they feel when they hear it? Disappointed? Will they blame themselves? You wonder if any of them will try to take the fall. You grip your stomach to try to nurse the ache that's growing there. You'll have to [[admit your failure|floor]] later.<<endif>>\n

She turns her computer monitor around. Your face-to-face with a picture of you liplocked with Nayeli. It's from that night at the club. Your palms sweat. Shannon says, "I'm ready to hear your excuse."\n\n"I'm 72 now..." You try that.\n\n"You're at risk of falling off the chart entirely for this. Did you forget who your fans are? They love you and your girlfriend. They're shipping you." Shannon glares. "Who is this? Who'd you decide to throw away all of your hard work for?"\n\n"I-I...um..." Your legs are shaking.\n\n"Because it's strange that you were spotted with this girl and your girlfriend earlier that night. It looks like that you took your girlfriend and a friend with you to a night club, ditched your girlfriend, and cheated on her with this girl as soon as her back was turned." She rubs her temple. "There aren't many ways that we can spin this story, Jerri. [[Explain yourself]]."

From the company website:\n\n"Estrella Entertainment's mission is to maintain its status as one of the leading entertainment providers in the world. Our extensive portfolio of brands allows us to innovate with a diverse range of creative content and consumer products."\n\nBeing part of Estrella Entertainment is <<replace "a dream come true.">><html><b>a dream come true</b></html> not just for you but for people everywhere. You used to watch Estrella Girls on TV and hope and pray for the day you could be a star.\n\nYou'd stay up at night, holding a flashlight to magazines of flashy Estrella Girls until your arm got too tired. You'd line your lockers with posters of their pop stars. You'd hum their songs and learn their dances normal and mirrored.\n\nYou've worked hard for this. This opportunity didn't just fall into your lap.<<endreplace>>\n\n[[Back.|sing]]

Nayeli turns to you next. "I don't want to break up with you, Jerri, but I get it if that's what you want to do.<<if $fired or $quit>> I feel like shit for saying that after you basically threw everything away for me... Fuck. So, it's your call."<<else>>"<<endif>><<set $single_second>>\n\nWhat's the best thing for you to do?\n\n*[[Stay with her][$stayed_second = true]].\n*[[Break up with her]].

You don't spare them a second glance. You continue walking to [[your apartment]].

"Let's go out and celebrate!" Taya cheers. "What do you guys want?"\n\n"A cheeseburger," Nayeli says.\n\n"I could make one at home, if you want." Sarai says. "We've just got to get some ground beef."\n\n"Can mine be a taco?" Taya asks.\n\n"Yes, we can make you a taco. Let's go home." Sarai smiles and leads the way [[out to her car|cat costume]].

You switch your fingers between the A minor and C chords on your guitar, just shifting them back and forth as you chew over everything Nayeli's saying. "I don't think Taya's been weird. I can try investigating for you."\n\n"Thanks. Can you strum what you're doing for me? I'm gonna come up with [[a melody]] for it."

"We could do it again. We never did get you a present for your debut," Sarai continues as Nayeli starts getting more daring. You breathe out slowly, surprised that Sarai doesn't seem to notice what's happening.\n\n"You made me dinner."\n\n"I make you dinner every night. I'm talking about a better present."\n\n"Or we could do it for fun," Nayeli says. "Stop me if you don't want to tonight."\n\nSarai gently turns your head her way and kisses you. "What do you want to do?"\n\nIs there a catch? Why was this so easy to make happen?\n\nYou stop questioning it. You guide Nayeli's hand higher and then pull Sarai in for a deeper kiss.\n\n[[...|waiting]]

"I agree with Nayeli.<<if $stopcam>> And it's even more fair since she's giving up being a camgirl for you guys. Common courtesy says that Sarai has to give up drinking for her."\n\n"It's more than common courtesy."<<else>>"<<endif>> Nayeli says, "you scared me that night, Sarai. I don't want to be with someone who scares me."\n\n"I'd do anything to make you forgive me," Sarai says. "I know that you don't think this is a big deal, Taya, but my relationship with Nayeli is. I'll give up drinking if that'll make you [[feel happier and safer]], Nayeli."\n

You don't know who looks more confused: you or Nayeli.\n\n"It's okay. You can keep your bed." You don't want to impose on your [[first night]]. Things with Nayeli are rocky enough as it is. "I don't want to make things weird."\n\n"No, it's fine. I can take the couch. You and Nayeli can get to know each other without me making it awkward."\n\nYou doubt Sarai's presence is what's doing that. You're afraid of what might happen without her around.\n\n"Doesn't matter to me either way." Nayeli finishes her plate. "I'm not the one who has to sleep on that shitty couch."\n\n"It's not that shitty." Sarai pushes on Nayeli's shoulder. "I've got to get to bed soon, so take your pick. I swear it's not a problem if you take the bed."\n\n* [[Accept the offer.][$route_a = true]]\n* [[Turn it down.][$route_b = true]]

"Why do you treat me like one then?" Nayeli asks her. "Why aren't you forcing your money on Sarai and Jerri?"\n\n"I've paid for things for them too." Taya says. "It's different with them because they can pay me back. I hate taking their money. Fuck it, sometimes I sneak Sarai's back to her. I'm not lying."\n\n*[[Tell Nayeli that accepting help isn't shameful]].\n*[[Tell Sarai and Taya to allow Nayeli her independence]].

"It's fine," Sarai shuts you out. "Let's not ruin our night talking about that."\n\n"So it's bad?"\n\n"No, it's boring," she says. Sarai squeezes your hand gently. "We're here to <<if $horror>>watch a bunch of people drown,<<endif>><<if $scifi>>watch a bunch of people get mad about robots,<<endif>> not listen to me talk about work."\n\n"I don't mind listening... You listen to me." Fair's fair.\n\nMore people walk in and sit down, balancing buckets of popcorn and medium to large fountain sodas. A toddler that shouldn't be here tosses popcorn around. Her parents don't say anything. They coo and awww over how cute she looks.\n\nAn older couple sits down in your row. The wife's engagement ring catches your eye. She notices you staring and smiles at you. Her husband passes her a plastic tray of nachos and cheese.\n\n"Jerri, it's not worth talking about." Sarai doesn't budge on the issue. She brings your hand to her lips and presses a kiss to the back of it. "You [[need to relax]], or else you're not going to enjoy the movie very much."

"I'm not supposed to have any dairy." So much for solidarity in your food ban.\n\n"It's just lasagna."\n\n"It's just packed with dairy."\n\n"Does it matter? You're working out every day. A lasagna square 'this' big isn't going to wreck everything for you," Sarai says.\n\nOr will it?\n\n*[[Eat the lasagna][$willpower = 0]].\n*[[Turn down the lasagna|Turn dwn the lasagna][$willpower = 1]].

"Oh..." Taya's hold on you loosens. "Guess I'm not as perfect as you thought I was."\n\n"I'm going to lose everything because of this. I turned down the press conference and now I'm going to face something ten times worse. Why did I do that?" You're crying so hard that you're shaking.\n\n"You didn't have to do that for me. You could've gone."\n\n"I couldn't let you down... I'm worried sick about you, Taya."\n\n"Maybe you should stop worry about me then. Maybe you should all cut me loose." You don't look at her, but you can tell she's crying by [[the quality]] of her voice.

Ashley Evans smiles sadly. "Fear's normal. Just don't let it [[paralyze|fear]] you."

You're too self-conscious to keep holding Taya's hand, so you let it go and pull your arm away, telling her that you shouldn't.\n\nShe stretches out, playing it off like it didn't hurt and switches her nuzzling partner from you to Nayeli. As if to rub it in, she kisses Nayeli, and it's loud enough to distract you from the movie. And no, she doesn't just kiss her once, it's a bunch of times. Sarai doesn't seem to notice.\n\nYou wonder if you should do the same with Sarai to get back at Taya. <<if $avoid_3>>This place is dark and semi-private enough that it'd be okay to do.<<endif>>\n\n*[[Make out with Sarai]].\n*[[Keep watching the movie]].

You're sweating in the recording booth. The overhead lights are so hot that you can't wipe the perspiration off of your forehead fast enough. You make a mental note to bring a handkerchief for next time.\n\nYou've got a sheet of sugary sweet lyrics in front of you. They went with a danceable, high energy number.\n\nIt's hard for you to bring the energy that they're demanding from you. Your vocal coach keeps telling you to amp yourself up more.\n\n"More fire! More fire!" He bellows into your headphones.\n\nBy the time you go home, your throat feels like it's [[raw]].

You take up your five minute time slot with a medley of choruses from hits by singers in the Pickford Top 100 Chart. Lilou, Carey Marie, Meeko, Heloise, and, for added fun, Cameo.\n\nWhen it's over, people clap for you as enthusiastically as an open mic audience can get. It's less than the screams and cheers you get as Jerri the pop star, but you like it. There's something about it that's different, and maybe even a little better. Maybe that's an added effect of getting to perform with Nayeli, though.\n\nYou go straight to Sarai and Taya's table. Sarai gives Nayeli a high five.\n\n"You guys were fantastic!" She says.\n\n"I need a PLA poster for my room." Taya grins. "How do you ladies feel about a private photoshoot at my place?"\n\n"Shut up." Nayeli laughs. She hooks her arm around Taya's neck. "C'mon, let's go out and celebrate. And get Jerri out of that [[cat costume]] before she burns to death."

80. Nia Politan\n79. Jaxx Magic\n78. Maya Magnatama\n77. Eskobara\n76. Donna Brightly\n75. Lady Lawrence\n74. Lori Midday\n73. Kathryn\n72. Frankly True\n71. Meghan Carlisle\n70. Sapphire\n69. Nancy Myers\n68. Liza Berkowitz\n67. TJ Soles\n66. Lindsay Fast\n65. Carlotta Queen\n64. Billie Allington\n63. Ava\n62. Wei Wei Wei\n61. Zoochild\n60. Laura Levy\n\n[[100-81|You scroll through the list from 100 to 1.]] >> <html><b>80-60</b></html> >> [[59-39|59 - 39]]

You go off to get ready for [[the long day|a long day]] ahead of you.

Is that it?\n\nIs that the last time you're going to see Nayeli?\n\nNo more nights playing guitar with her. No more trading ideas for songs. No more mocking her for saying "whatever" and having her chase you playfully around the room because of it. No more duets of songs that warm your heart or make you cry from their sincerity.\n\nNo more holding her close at night or hearing her wish you good morning as she tries so damn hard not to look like a goofball as she smiles at you.\n\nYou should've done something. You shouldn't have stood there with your girlfriends screaming at each other as nothing more than a shadow. You grip the front of your shirt, something in your chest hurting. It's hard to breathe.\n\n"Go get her, Jerri."\n\nYou lock eyes with Taya. She's hugging Sarai tightly to her chest.\n\nYou [[spring into action]] at her command.

"You're under no obligation to say it back. I just have to say it. I can't keep it to myself anymore," Taya says. She stares into your eyes. "Before I met you I was ready to drop out of school. Forget about dropping one of my majors, I was actually thinking about walking away from everything.\n\n"I couldn't fathom why I was working so hard. What was I dying for? A job that would make me as rich as my parents? What's the point?" She takes in a breath. "I'd lost sight of my ambition. And then I met you. You're passionate. Full of life, energy, vigor.\n\n"And when you were calling me perfect? That made me feel like I'd died and gone to heaven. <<if $hotel>>I'll never forget that night we had at the hotel. <<endif>>Making me into your public girlfriend...that was amazing. Not because I got to be almost famous, but because I could be with you. I felt special.\n\n"Fuck, I'm stalling. Yeah, you don't have to say this back. I just can't keep holding this in.\n\n"I love you, Jerri. I love you so much."\n\n*[["I love you too."]]\n*[["Thank you."]]\n

You find her.\n\nShe's sitting in front of a building, her knees tucked to her chest. Nayeli looks up at you listlessly.\n\n"Want to hear something fucked up?" She asks you.\n\nYou sit next to her, shoulder-to-shoulder. Cars pass by. You see glimpses of their drivers, caught up in their own worlds. "What?"\n\n"I've got nowhere to go. You're the only ones I've got. That's what's fucked up."\n\n"It's the same for me."\n\n"Too many bridges burned?"\n\n"Yeah." You'd burn through their attention fast. You'd [[want too much and get too little]].

"I said I was sorry, so deal with it!" You turn to run. She grabs your arm to keep you in place.\n\n"Don't you know who I am?" She lowers her sunglasses.\n\n"No, I don't." You rip your arm out of her grasp, and run to get to the front doors of Estrella Entertainment HQ. You don't have time to talk to this girl, whoever she is. You've got better things to do, like not getting fired for [[being late]].

"We can't go. That's going to make things worse." You turn down Taya's idea. You step away from her and away from your feelings of wanting to keep the peace. You've had enough of everyone's attitude.\n\nYou raise your voice at Nayeli. "I'm sorry for not doing what you wanted me to do. Maybe next time I'll call you first before I do anything with my life, because apparently you're the expert on all things right and not wrong."\n\n"This is a trainwreck. I'm tired of this shit." Nayeli fumes. "Why the fuck are we fighting about this?" She stomps her foot down.\n\n"Because you won't lighten up. The only times you're actually pleasant are when you're having sex or playing music. You're unbearable every other time." Taya says, not backing down. "Isn't that fucked up?"\n\nNayeli screams. "I'm done! I'm out of here."\n\n"Wait, Nayeli, don't go. Think about this." Sarai tries to reason with her.\n\nShe storms past her and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Sarai's a second too slow. You see her struggle to turn the door knob. It's locked. It won't budge. Sarai [[beats]] on the door, yelling for Nayeli to come out.

"Ignore her, Jerri. She just didn't want me to get the first kiss of the night with you," Taya says. "Now where were we?"\n\n"No, I'm laughing because that was a shitty line."\n\nThe lights dim in the theater. Most of the seats have been taken at this point.\n\n"You guys better not talk through the movie," Sarai warns.\n\n"Who cares? It's the previews." Taya whispers. She's not very good at it, because the husband-and-wife duo you were looking at earlier cast her a stern look. "Ugh, nevermind..."\n\n"You guys aren't competing, are you?" You shoot Taya and Nayeli a stern look of your own. You're not a game for them to fight over.\n\n"If we were, she'd lose." Nayeli smirks. <<if $avoid_3>>"You know what happened before, Taya."<<endif>>\n\n"Shut up," Taya [[grumbles]] to her.

You disagree. "That's not true at all."\n\n"Hey, I meant it all in good fun. I didn't mean anything bad by it."\n\n"[[Sure|sure]]."

"Why are you acting like you weren't there that night?" Nayeli asks her.\n\n"I'm not. I'm being realistic." Taya says.\n\n"Sarai, I don't think I can be with you if you don't put yourself back in AA. You need to talk to your sponsor again," Nayeli begs. "Do something. Anything."\n\n"You're too over-the-top," Taya mutters.\n\n*[[Side with Taya]].\n*[[Side with Nayeli]].

You're at home, tuning your guitar to Nayeli's new keyboard. She saved up enough money to replace her old one. Since it's one of your off-days that means that it's only the two of you and no one else. You wonder how many men she had to see to get that keyboard. Hundreds?\n\nYou strum a C chord. "Can you play the A again?" Once she does, you're able to key in the tuning better. You match the A string to the sound of her piano. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"\n\n"Shoot."\n\n"Did you ever let Sarai know about the camgirl thing, or is it still a secret?"\n\n"It's a secret. One that you should've [[forgotten]] by now."

You leave Sarai without another glance.\n\nYou wind up in a hotel for the night. <<if $hotel>>It's the same one as before, devoid of all its charms. <<endif>>Even with the three of you sharing the bed, it's <<if $othergirlfriend>>[[the coldest]]<<else>>[[the coldest|mistaken]]<<endif>> it's ever been.

"Great," you say automatically. "I've been hanging out with Ashley Evans at breaktime. Thank you for introducing us."\n\n"You're welcome. I've found that it's better for company morale if you make friends." Shannon sips her coffee. "How has your personal life been otherwise? You're not still out on the streets, are you?"\n\n"I've got a place to stay. It's nice. My roommates are the best. We actually had a funeral service last night for all the food I can't eat anymore." You smile. "Then we played this game with a bunch of little sack creatures. They were cute. They run across the screen and jump and play and grab things. I was so awful they had to drag me through an entire level."\n\nYou laugh at the memory. Shannon doesn't. She looks at you like a bitter librarian sucking on a lemon.\n\nUm... Maybe you should share [[something more interesting]].\n

And since Nayeli's one of Sarai's girlfriends, and you're one of Sarai's girlfriends, that makes you girlfriends, too.\n\nSort of.\n\nYou're not sure how all of this is [[supposed to work|might be over]].

You whisper Sarai's name to get her attention. She looks at you, a mixture of annoyed and confused. That emotion quickly goes away once you bring her face close to yours and start kissing her. Getting into it, she rubs your thigh in small circles.\n\nYou're hyper-aware of Taya doing the same thing with Nayeli right next to you. When they get up to leave, you stand up to do the same, until Sarai tugs you back down to your seat.\n\n"Let's not miss the movie," she says quietly. It's been a long time since you've tasted rejection like that, but you're glad she's brought you back down to Earth. You return to watching the movie. <<if $horror>>The characters are about to find a way out.<<else>>The androids, now mass-produced, are about to figure out a way to blend in with the cyborgs.<<endif>>\n\nTaya and Nayeli don't come back until the movie's close to being over. You bite your tongue the best that you can, for fear of [[putting your foot in your mouth|Good luck]].

"I'll do it...as long as you're both okay with it." You look over at Nayeli expectantly. This is her chance to speak up, to complain, to cheer, to do <html><i>something</i></html>. <<set $route_a = "yes">>\n\nShe shrugs.\n\nSarai beams. "It's a memory foam bed. You'll [[like it]]."\n\n

"Okay, fine, but don't laugh. And don't say anything until I'm done." You turn around. You've got a storyline for your pop star persona. She's a girl that loves ice cream, singing, #justgirlythings, and would do anything to make someone smile. So that's what you're going to do. You're going to make your audience smile and have a good time.\n\nTo get in the proper headspace, you think about cuddling puppies.\n\nAnd cute girls.\n\nYou take it up a notch and think about cute girls holding puppies.\n\nYeah. You're Jerri, the cute girl and puppy lover. You're going to knock the socks off of the cute girl you're going to sing for, because cuteness runs the world.\n\nYou've got this. You take out your cellphone and hold it to your face like it's a microphone.\n\n[[Turn around and sing.]]

"It's hard enough figuring out one person." You hold your head. "Three's insane."\n\n"That's what you get for agreeing to be part of this." Nayeli doesn't have any sympathy for you. "Let's say that the good outweighs the bad, and that's what makes it worth it."\n\n"You can help me figure out someone, though...you."\n\n"What do you <<if $starry>>[[want to know?|starstuff]]<<else>>[[want to know?|notstarstuff]]<<endif>>"

Sarai grabs her by the wrists and throws her to the ground, hard enough for Nayeli to bounce when she does. She curls over on her side, tears running down her face. Before Sarai can get any closer, Taya rushes over and leans over Nayeli to shield her. Everything happens so fast.\n\n"Calm down, Sarai!" You scream at her. "What the fuck are you doing?"\n\n"It's too late for me to calm down."\n\n"It's not Nayeli's fault. Someone must've hacked our computer."\n\n"Or she met up with the wrong person," Sarai says. "She put us at risk. What if we got something from her? This is why we have rules. This is why we have our agreements, to prevent something like this happening...but you can't stop a bitch from being a bitch. [[Once a cheater]], always a cheater."

As soon as you start singing, they stop playing and stare at you like "who the fuck are you, and what are you doing?"\n\nYou don't look at them. You squeak out a "sorry," give them the handful of change in your pocket, and rush off to [[your apartment]].

In the bed, sleeping in the middle of Sarai and Nayeli, you wonder if you should bring up your concerns.\n\n*[[Bring them up.]]\n*You need your rest. [[Go to sleep.|waiting]]

"Your desk is the one over here, on the pink and white side."\n\nTaya laughs. "Nope. Here, I'll give you a consolation prize." She gives you a kiss.\n\n"What was the prize?"\n\n"A kiss. What can I say, I'm [[cheap|feeling]]."

As soon as you leave the office, Miya K, Lily Trilly, and Rayna hurry on ahead. They don't wait for you. It's like their friendliness in Shannon's office was just for show. <html><i>Or they're trying to be the first ones in line for that fish. Fish and rice is a hot ticket lunch item for sure.</i></html>\n\nWho are you kidding? You're nothing to them.\n\n"Hey, do you want to eat together?" When Ashley Evans walks over to you, it's more like she's bouncing.\n\n"What's up with them?"\n\n"Some of the girls are just clique-ish. You know how it is. There's extra pressure on all of us since we're solo artists."\n\n"Living and dying by our fans," you say, quoting your manager. "There's pressure everywhere, but you don't seem like you're feeling it much." Based on her 'have fun' advice and how she's willing to eat with you, you wonder [[how serious]] she is about being part of Estrella Entertainment.

"Thank you."<<set $thank3 = true>> You couldn't say it back to her.\n\nTaya smiles sadly. "You're welcome. I'm just glad I got it all out there into the open." She gives you a kiss.\n\n"Is there any way we can getout from under this blanket? It's like a sauna in here..."\n\n"Yes, [[silly]]. Let's go."

<<if $comments_yes>>You read over [[some forum pages]].<<else>>Your thumb hovers [[over your dial pad|over your dialpad]].<<endif>>

"La <html><i>la</i></html> la!" Each note is sung more off-pitched than the last.\n\nYou look up and see a girl around your age holding a couple of grocery bags. She's got a backpack on, which would've been enough to make her look young but she's also wearing red-rimmed glasses and a pair of lime green shorts. Where Nayeli was quiet and leather, this girl is loud and neon.\n\n"Sorry for joining in, but your song was so <<if $route_a>>emotional and raw and stuff.<<endif>><<if $route_b>>beautiful.<<endif>> I couldn't help it!"\n\n"Thank you," you say as you put the guitar away and return to the living room where she stands. "I'm Jerrica, but you can call me Jerri. You must be Taya." You remember that Sarai stressed her name was Taya, not Taylor.\n\n[["Yep, the one and only."]]

"A mistake," you watch yourself say. You turn the television off and lay down to hide your face in the couch fabric.<<set $mistake = true>>\n\nSarai and Nayeli watched the whole thing with you. You wanted them around for emotional support. Sarai rubs your back and lies to you that everything will be okay. Nayeli leaves to get some air.\n\n"This is why you should've come forward as yourself. You would've avoided this," Sarai says.\n\n"Stop it." You can't look at her. You don't want her to see you cry.\n\n"You hurt Nayeli. Why would you say that?"\n\n"They told me to say that. They wanted me [[to admit that]] she was a mistake."

"My 'true fans' are the ones that Estrella cares about the most, and the ones I'm at the most risk of losing." You can't stand the smell of your food. You don't have it in you to look at where you've fallen in the Pickford Top 100.\n\nIf you see that your number's dropped, that'll be the death of you.\n\nAshley Evans says, "as long as this scandal doesn't [[get any worse]], you should be okay."

"Some other time is okay," you say to them. "I just wanted to make sure you were still into me, that's all."\n\n"I'm not going to bother responding to that," Nayeli says.\n\n"Nayeli, kiss Jerri. She's feeling vulnerable."\n\n"I'm not kissing her because you told me to." Nayeli leans over and kisses you anyway. You feel a little better from that, but it's what she whispers in your ear that makes you giddy. "I like you so much, Jerri. Don't forget that. I really do care about you."\n\nYou [[snuggle|waiting]] into Nayeli and fall right asleep.

"It's for the best. We'll rip each other apart if we stay together for much longer," you admit. "There's been cracks in this relationship for a long time. It took that last fight for it to become clear. Why let things fester and get worse?"\n\nNayeli covers her face.\n\nSarai says, "we don't have to all break up. Some of us could stay together."\n\n"It doesn't feel right continuing this without us being a group. It has to end, like Jerri said." Taya says. "If it rebuilds from there, good, and if not, then in the immortal words of Nayeli, whatever."\n\n"Alright," Sarai weakly agrees.\n\nNayeli speaks through her hands. "I can't believe we're letting this happen. We're throwing everything away because of one stupid fight."\n\n"We're keeping what we have left safe," you tell her.\n\n"I [[can't see it]] that way," she says. "We're giving up and you're all okay with it."

"Why'd you say that, Taya? What the hell?" Sarai yells at her. Taya must've opened a deep wound. Nayeli won't open the door, no matter how hard Sarai slams her fists into it.\n\nTaya sits down on the couch, her shoulders slumped. You join her, rubbing her back as she rests her head against you. "I was only telling the truth," she mumbles. "Why is Nayeli allowed to get away with being a bitch, and when we do it, we're punished for it like this? Now I look like the bad guy."\n\nMinutes go by. Sarai had to stop knocking because [[her hands hurt too much]]. You're too busy consoling Taya to look over the damage.

You're cleaning out your locker at the Estrella Entertainment HQ.<<set $fired>>\n\nIt's over.\n\nThey let you go.\n\nThe scandal was too much for them.\n\nShannon told you that they couldn't afford to have any of their other products or Estrella Girls associated with this sort of scandal. You were early enough in your career for them to let you go so they could make themselves look good.\n\nIt's [[over]]...

59. Ruffy\n58. Mia\n57. Strawberry Sunrise\n56. Pana\n55. Aliya Ace\n<html><b>54. Rayna</b></html>\n53. Faith\n52. Linda Spike\n51. Rainfield\n50. Lena Somerset\n49. Amy McWilliams\n48. Jessica Nash\n47. Indigo Tollhouse\n46. Tiffany Spears\n45. Amanda Welshman\n44. Gall\n<html><b>43. Miya K</b></html>\n42. Angharad\n41. Cristina Martinez\n40. Katrina Aguilera\n39. Cicada Jones\n\n[[80-60]] >> <html><b>59-39</b></html> >> [[38-21|38-11]]

"Sorry if I seemed possessive earlier. I don't want to be that girl."\n\n"Blame it on the NRE."\n\n"See, you're getting the hang of it. You'll be a poly expert in no time." Sarai gets out of bed and shuts off the light. You waste no time in snuggling close to her once she gets back in bed. <<if $starry>>Should you do more than that tonight? Wouldn't that be the right thing to do since you slept with Nayeli?\n\n*[[Initiate sex.]]\n*[[Don't. Just go to sleep.]]<<else>>\n\nYou peacefully [[fall asleep]] within minutes.<<endif>>

You take the floor first. "How's everyone doing?"\n\n"Miserable," Sarai says. "I'm not going to dance around it...I've been feeling awful. I regret everything I said that night."\n\n"Whatever," Nayeli says. "Someone had to say it."\n\n"I missed you guys."\n\n"You're not allowed to miss us!" Taya yells. "You drove us out of here. You can't hate us and love us in the same breath. It doesn't make any sense."\n\n"It wasn't in the same breath," you defend her. "It's [[been a week]]."

"Shit, sorry." You back off. "Was that too fast?"<<set $kissed_n>>\n\n"Don't ruin the moment by saying you're sorry." She gets out of bed and turns out the light. You wonder if she's doing that to hide the embarrassed look on her face. You may have caught her off-guard, but you can tell that she liked it. "Good night."\n\nYou may be cracking through Nayeli's shell after all.\n\nYou [[fall asleep]] smiling to yourself.

"We met at a presentation thing. She introduced me to Nayeli." Taya doesn't get to say more than that because the door opens and in walks Nayeli herself. She makes a loud, fake sound of disgust when she sees Taya. She gives you a small smile, which you consider a sign of progress.\n\nTaya grabs her arm as she walks by her, and pulls her down for a kiss. <<if $starry>>Should you give her one too? That's the expectation now, isn't it? You're at that level.<<endif>>\n\n"Has my favorite grump been playing nice? Be honest."\n\n"I'm always nice," Nayeli defends herself.\n\n"Not so much at the beginning. I thought you hated me," Taya says.\n\nOkay, good, you're not the only one. Nayeli goes into her bedroom and closes the door without argument. Taya purses her lips into a pout, then turns to you [[with a smile]].\n\n

You've got your eyes closed when a key turns in the door and someone carrying grocery bags walks in. Their bags crinkle as they swing them. They stop in front of you, and say, "hey" in a voice you don't recognize.\n\nYou sit right up.\n\nThe grocery bag girl's wearing a backpack, which would've been enough to make her look young but she's also got on a pair of red-rimmed glasses and a pair of lime green shorts. Where Nayeli was quiet and leather, this girl is loud and neon.\n\n"Hi. I'm Jerrica, but you can call me Jerri. You're Taya, aren't you?" Sarai stressed that her name was Taya, never Taylor.\n\n[["Yep, the one and only."]]

"She didn't play it. It was me," you explain. "I don't know why she's trying to act like she did, but she wasn't anywhere near your guitar."\n\n"My guitar," Taya corrects.\n\n"Okay," Nayeli visibly relaxes. Her voice is back to its normal even level. She scratches her arm. "Please ask me next time, okay?"\n\n"She shouldn't have to." Taya says.\n\n"I shouldn't have played it without asking no matter whose it is."\n\nNayeli retreats back into her room, saying, "yep, okay. [[Thanks]]."

She grimaces when you refuse her hand. "Let's talk in the bedroom," Nayeli says. You follow her [[there|her bedroom]].

"It might be a little too soon..." You say. "You don't have to sleep on the floor. Don't do that." The floor would be worse than the couch.\n\n"Okay, cool. I got it." Nayeli gets up and turns out the light.\n\nYou [[fall asleep]] on your own sides of the bed.

"I'd rather take the couch, sorry." <<set $route_b = "yes">>\n\n"That's okay," Sarai says. Her smile's lost some of its shine. "I should get going. I've got an early shift at work tomorrow. What do you have going on?"\n\n"I've got dance practice. I think it might be all day."\n\n"That sucks."\n\n"You're a dancer?" Nayeli leans towards you. "You don't look like a dancer."\n\n"Yeah, dancing's not my thing, but I'm going to try my best."\n\n"There's no such thing as trying. You do it or you don't." Her brown eyes [[pierce]] through yours.

Nayeli tucks the waterbottles under her armpits, sets down the drinks, and grabs you both by the hands. You're too busy rubbing your palm into hers to lament your wasted money. That drink was a whole $8 and no one had any!\n\nThey say guitar players' hands are supposed to be rough, but that's not true in Nayeli's case. You never see her lotion her hands so this must be her natural softness. You giggle. Natural softness. Other parts of Nayeli are soft, too. You love Nayeli's skin. She's got wonderful skin.\n\nYou're in your own world until Nayeli pulls the curtains closed to your private booth. You must've teleported upstairs. That's the only reasonable explanation. Or...jetpacks. Taya's smart. She could invent a jetpack. Oh, but she's not an Engineering major. You were the one that was going to be a mad scientist. Why aren't you doing that?\n\nTaya breaks out into a fit of giggles. She squeezes the velvet couch you're on.\n\n"You're both idiots," Nayeli says. No, she grumbles it. She's [[all grumbly]].

It was the winter break of your sophomore year of college when you told her that you weren't going back. School was torture. You wanted nothing more than to pursue your talent at singing. The chemistry sets that had once excited you made you feel disgusted with yourself for wasting your time for so long.\n\nYou had to get out.\n\nYour mother didn't understand. She was furious. "Do you know much I sacrificed so you could go to college?" She screamed loud enough for tears to come out of her eyes.\n\nYou had to shatter her dreams and use them as stepping stones for your own.\n\nSacrifice...\nSacrifice...\n[[Sacrifice...]]

"And then there's Nayeli," you continue. "I've mostly seen her in house clothes, but the clothes she comes in wearing have been like wow. She pulls off that gorgeous-grunge thing so well."\n\n"Wipe your chin, Jerri, you're drooling."\n\n"Heh... Taya's an eccentric hipter. I don't know what else to call her style. Finally, there's me, the clearance girl."\n\n"You've got a style similar to Taya's. Your color palette's more muted. You could probably fit into her clothes, come to think of it. She's got mountains of them."\n\n"...You know what? This talk didn't help me at all. Now I'm just more confused," you groan. "I'm going for this one. If she hates it, [[she can sue me]]."

You strain to watch them kiss in the darkness. They have to lean over you to do it. The close proximity of it all is enough to make you fill up with want.\n\n*[[Grab Sarai and kiss her first.]]\n*[[Grab Nayeli and kiss her first.]]

You turn down the lasagna. You make a salad for yourself while Sarai and Nayeli enjoy their "[[layered dairy cakes|ready]]."

"How was work?" Sarai asks.\n\n"They finalized my image."\n\n"Hella gay!" Taya blurts out.\n\nNayeli's shocked. "They're letting you be gay?"\n\n"More than that, they're going to make her the face of the gay movement for young girls everywhere."\n\n"Um, they didn't say it like that."\n\n"That's fantastic." Sarai claps for you.\n\n"There's one more cool thing about it. She gets to have a girlfriend." Taya continues to [[steal your thunder]].

She taps her perfectly manicured nails on her wheel. "If you want to make it to the top, you're going to have to live your life much more carefully from now on. This sort of thing?" She waves in your face. "It has to end. If you don't treat your life like you've got a thousand eyes on you at all times, you're going to crash and burn."\n\nShannon shifts her car out of park. She goes on, "you have to be aware of the profile that you're keeping. You literally live and die by your fans, and you've got the toughest crowd to endear yourself to...teenage girls. Do you understand what I'm saying? Put your seatbelt on."\n\nYou buckle up, suddenly feeling very drained after today's activities. "Where are we going?"\n\n"My place. This is a [[one-time deal]]."

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The articles are rooted in truth, as distorted as they are. Nayeli had been selling herself...in a way.\n\n"Where's Nayeli?" You ask.\n\n"Should be home any minute," Sarai says.\n\n"Keep her away from her," you tell Taya.\n\nSarai laughs. "No fucking way. Nayeli deserves a piece of my mind. Those pictures online are all real, didja know that? They've got her crown tattoo in 'em... She's a fucking royal bitch, that's what."\n\n"Who's [[a royal bitch]]?" Nayeli walks in.

Her tone loses its friendliness. "Nayeli told me you took drugs last night and it got out of hand."\n\n"I took one."\n\n"You shouldn't have taken a whole pill."\n\n"I wanted to have fun." Fun's aftermath sucks.\n\n"That's the wrong way to do it," Sarai says. "You have to be more responsible when you do things like that. Did Taya hand it to you that way?" She sighs. "Maybe she's the problem here. Between how much she fights with Nayeli, and her making you take drugs..."\n\n"She didn't make me do anything. I just haven't been feeling like myself lately. It wasn't her fault. She was trying to help me." You roll over and regret it instantly. Sarai moves the trash can to the [[edge of the bed]].

"I had to teach myself how to use them. My parents never took me out to eat. Fast food, yeah, sometimes, but they wouldn't have ever gone to an Asian restaurant. They're down-home Americana types."\n\n"I dunno. I grew up eating out a lot," she smirks. "And I mean that in both ways."\n\nYou nearly choke on your drink. The waitress shows up to the rescue with the plate of calamari. You break out your chopsticks and shove a piece into your mouth. Taya's careful not to smudge her lipstick as she eats.\n\n"Um, so about what you just said... How long have you known you were gay?"\n\n"Who says I'm gay? Aren't we just pals being gals?"\n\n"I think you mean gals being pals."\n\n"Dammit, fucked that up. Okay, pretend I didn't say that. I think I knew when I was around 11 or 12," she says. "Sleepover. It was one of those stupid [[changing parties]]."